Why did the egg cross the road?
Because it had an inclination.
Why did the man cross the road?
**I ** don’t know. Who knows why they do anything?!
Why did the fat girl cross the road?
To go to McDonalds
Why did the surrealist cross the road?
Fish!
Why did Captain Kirk’s chicken cross the road?
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Why did Ralph Waldo Emerson’s chicken cross the road?
It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
Why did Ernest Hemingway’s chicken cross the road?
To die. In the rain.
[Londo Molari]
It the glory days of the Centauri Republic, thousands of servants would cross thousands of roads at our slightest whim…
[/londo Molari]
Why did the McNugget cross the road?
The roach eggs hatched.
To get away from Kirk. And you don’t want to know any more than that.
Why did Erwin Schrodinger’s chicken both cross and not cross the road?
I asked around and got a variety of answers.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking
American.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black
man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him
and keep him down.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which
will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it
divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
RONALD REAGAN: I don’t recall.
MOSES: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the
road, and there was much rejoicing.
FREUD: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and
I’ll find out.
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat,
the chicken did not cross the road.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we
were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
SADDAM HUSSEIN #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with
a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it,
I’ve not been told!
BUDDHA: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken
nature.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens
will be free to cross roads without having their motives called
into question.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why
doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken
doing walking around all over the place anyway?”
THE POPE: That is only for God to know.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and
that was good enough for us.
DARTH VADER: It can cross, but it cannot escape its DESTINY.
Join me on the dark side of the road! Do not underestimate the
power of the road!
THE CHICK-FIL-A COWS: We don’t know, but someone should eat that
chikin.
BILL CLINTON: Now, I will admit that while I was governor of
Arkansas, I saw a lot of chickens. However, I do not know this
chicken. This chicken is simply trying to gain some attention in
professing to have crossed this road. This presidency will not be
respond to, nor be affected by, any of the lies that this chicken
concocts.
BILL CLINTON #2: I have no recollection of exposing myself to
this chicken, although it may be a possibility inasmuch as I
regularly adjust, lower or remove my pants in the course of
normal grooming or hygienic routine, and this chicken may have
been inadvertently included on one such occasion. I do, however,
deny that I then directed this chicken to perform anything that
would fall outside her normal duties and shake her so much as to
compel her to cross the road.
JOHN F. KENNEDY: Ask not what road this chicken crossed. Ask
what road you can cross for that chicken.
EEYORE: Doesn’t matter. Probably will get run over anyway. Just
like a chicken. Fal-de-ral and merriment. I’m going to eat my
thistles.
ROSS PEROT: Now I’m glad you asked that question. Take a look at
this graph, you see? Here’s some of our American chickens. Over
here we got some of them Japanese chickens. Now are you listening
to me? It’s just as plain as the nose on my face.
DAVID LETTERMAN: Ahhh, yes, chickens. Ha HA! How 'bout THAT,
there Paul? You ever eat any chickens? Yessirree. Ladies and
gentlemen, I have in my hand tonight’s top ten list. Ha HA! The
top ten reasons the New York chicken did NOT cross the road.
That’s right. Did NOT cross the road. Ha HA!
BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD: Huh huh huh huh huh . . . . . you said
‘road’.
MARCIA CLARK: Indeed, why DID the chicken cross the road? And
then we may ask where was this chicken the night of June 17? Does
it know where the bloody glove was? The LAPD seems to be
interested in this chicken. I think you’ll find this chicken was
a close confidante of OJ’s.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How
many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross
the road? "Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same
time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken
crossing?”
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been
naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically
dispositioned to cross roads.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who
cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive
there was.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved
beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road; it
transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment
would let it take.
JACK NICHOLSON: 'cause it frigging wanted to. That’s the
frigging reason.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
TEDDY ROOSEVELT: Speak softly and carry a big chicken across the
road.
ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken’s side
of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The
chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and
develop the competencies required for the newly competitive
market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with
the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical
distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the
Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use
its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to
align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support
of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road
analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with
deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day
itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal
knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to
Synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals
of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an
enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry
cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like
setting, enabling and creating an environment which was
strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a
consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with
the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was
conducive towards the creation of a total business integration
solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become
more successful.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
Ironically, he was probably telling the truth. :rolleyes:
We don’t know but either it crossed the road or it was moving very fast. But not both.
To visit its flat mate.
(This probably only works in England)
Why did the Minbari chicken cross the road.
To get to the other side, but by the time it got done with the 108 rituals for giving thanks for a road to cross, it had been run over by a 78’ El Camino.
Clothahump missed a few other Trek answers:
SPOCK: At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do.
MCCOY: Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor, not a barnyard psychologist!
COMPUTER: Insufficient data.
ANDROID (generic): I am not programmed to respond in that area.
DATA: Ah. Humans consider it humorous to pose questions concerning the motivations of domestic fowls which traverse thoroughfares.
BORG: Chickens are irrelevant. Roads are irrelevant. Prepare to be assimilated.
KAI WYNN: It was the will of the Prophets, child.
Q: Why did the chicken from New Jersey cross the road?
A: “What, you godda friggin’ problem with me crossin’ this road? Cluck you!”
Tripler
Yes, I can post that. I’m from NJ.
Oh, and why did Johnny Cash cross the road? He didn’t. He just walked the line.
Tripler
. . . and. . . I’m spent.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
'cos he had his todger stuck in the chicken.
*I’m sorry
Q : Why did Neo cross the road ?
A : There is no road.
Q : Why did the Klingon Warrior cross the road ?
A : Klingon Warriors don’t fear traffic !
Q : Why did the Fundie cross the road ?
A : So that Satanic atheist liberals would know that it’s a Christian road !
Q : Why did Conan cross the road ?
A : To crush his enemies ! To see them driven before him, and to hear the lamentations of their women !
So why did the Doper cross the road?
Anyone?