This is a much better way of saying what I meant.
I think Blade is the better choice.
I’ll admit to taking a poke at Twilght in the novel I’m writing, and the mention of Twilight does answer your question…Danny is the narrator’s foster kid, ftr.
Yeah!!! Two hours of Angstsy Kirsten Stewart and Scowly Wesley Snipes!! :eek:
Only if it is Blade meets To Wong Foo. I’d pay good money to see Noxeema take out Edward Cullen.
Yes, this was my first thought.
I knew someone would find a link to that picture. I was just too lazy to do it myself.
This is pretty much it. The series is about an ordinary or even sub-ordinary girl who moves to a new town, instantly becomes the most popular girl in school, and has guys falling all over themselves for her – including two of literally superhuman hotness. This love triangle eventually becomes of worldwide importance, just the way every romance feels to teens.
I’ve only read the first book (not even all of it), but it’s page after page of drooling descriptions of Edward’s perfect face and bod. In the movie the “bad vampires are killing people” plot is introduced pretty early on, but this must not appear until the second half of the book because I didn’t even get that far. For a good chunk of the book there is truly no plot beyond “Why is that super-hot guy acting so weird? Wait, does he like me? OMG, HE LIKES ME!” There’s also a plot device that reminds me of that “porn for women” channel Jack developed on 30 Rock – Edward can read minds, but not Bella’s, so he’s always really interested in hearing about what she’s thinking and feeling!
Several non-romance elements in the book are going to appeal to the adolescent mindset, like the way Bella is depicted as more of an adult than her own parents and the fact that these parents truly cannot understand what her life is like or the sorts of problems she’s facing.
A bad boy who’s well-mannered, respectful towards his “parents”, wants to wait until marriage to have sex, enjoys playing baseball with his “siblings”, plays the piano, and drives a freakin’ Volvo? Despite being a vampire (who doesn’t drink human blood!), Edward Cullen isn’t even as much of a “bad boy” as the John Travolta character in Grease.
While any sensible person is going to recognize Edward’s behavior towards Bella as being creepy, controlling, and abusive, both Meyer and most of her fans seem totally unaware of this. The reader is clearly meant to understand that Edward really does just want to protect Bella, and that Bella is in fact in need of this protection. (This is a girl who can’t even walk through an open doorway without falling over.) Meyer takes pains to explain how even things that seem dangerous, like speeding, are safe as houses when Edward does them.
Wait a minute, you mean like how in the Sookie Stackhouse books, Sookie loves the vampire Bill because she can read the minds of everyone but him? So Twilight is a blatant rip-off of Charlaine Harris who is a blatant rip-off of Laurel K. Hamilton. The Vampire Porn world is an incestuous one.
(And hey, if I were a vampire and could read the minds of everyone but the most vacuous girl in school, I’m not sure I’d attribute it so much to her special power as maybe just there’s not all that much to read.)
Or any given Ordo Xenos inquisitor. After all the fourth book introduces a telepathic half-breed that just happens to have multiple characters spontaneously fall in love with her, who practically tore her mother apart during the pregnancy. If that doesn’t scream “genestealer cult”, I don’t know what does.
It’s a teenage girl’s idea of perfect love (see Wuthering Heights). I can’t live without you. You are my everything. I’m obsessed with you because you’re the only one for me. And Bella is very passive and so is swept away by these larger-than-life characters and events.
For a girl who longs to be special, identifying with Bella is a heady experience. She feels awkward and alone and different but inspires these passionate feelings in amazing people.
For the record, I enjoyed the first book on a superficial level but would have LOVED it as a teenager, when I was feeling awkward and alone and different.
PS – I’m in my mid-40s
I know you’re jesting, but Buffy would screw up the dynamic of the tale. She’s too personally powerful.
That was the point.
That’s just what they said on the Twilight RiffTrax!
I actually read the book in a RiffTrax-esque manner, taking turns reading it aloud with several friends while on vacation. We’d had plenty to say about Bella’s insufferable personality through the early portion of the book, so when it was revealed that Edward could read everyone’s mind but hers I said “Lucky for her, because if he knew as much about her thoughts as we do then he’d hate her too.” Her inner monologue is mostly whining about everything/nothing and thinking about how she’s secretly much better than everyone else. (In fairness, this is a not-entirely-inaccurate depiction of an adolescent girl.)
It’s my understanding that even many Twilight fans don’t like Bella, which I suppose makes it all the easier for them to replace her in their imaginations. If she were kind, intelligent, and capable of going an entire day without falling over, then young readers might feel “No wonder she gets all the hot guys. That will never happen to ME because I’m just a regular girl.” But as things are, many teen girls could reasonably feel that they are both nicer and more competent than Bella.
Stephenie Meyer has said that she’s never read any vampire books, so I think she arrived at that plotline on her own. Or she’s lying, I don’t know.
The Oatmeal has a great summary. There’s even a video at the end!
(If you don’t know what/who the Oatmeal is, you’ll be glad you spent some time there)
Wait, this guy is 150 years old but attends high school? Leaving aside the forged documents and such, why would you bother? What a waste of time.
Then we move on to the idea that someone with this kind of life experience wants to snuggle a girl who basically doesn’t even know who she is yet. I’ve met some mature teens, but it’s still too far a reach, and this one sounds like a bit of a mess.
He’s a virgin himself. I couldn’t take a 40-year old virgin seriously. How do you think I feel about a studly 150-year old vampire?
I really don’t want to read the books. But how does the relative imprintability of everywoman on Bella compare to Harry Potter (or a bajillion other teen and adult books where the hero is an everyman who jusssstt happens to be oh-so-special)?
Further, whenever I mention being a bit squicked out that the Doctor kinda had a thing going on with Rose, it doesn’t seem to bother a lot of folks. Er, well, not that I mention it all the time. There was this once, though. Not that big a deal, but again, I don’t particularly care read T’light but not sure how I can differentiate the two situations.