Would you like some other reasons why she just might not be that into you?
The fact that you seem to be unable to recognize that some ethnic groups have a strong sense of culture and tradition might be a part of it. You sound very entitled. She is not a “racist” because she wants to be with someone who shares her cultural identity.
Are you going to convert to Judiasm?
If you get married and have kids, will you raise them to be Jewish?
If the answer is “no” or “I don’t care” then this thread is simply sour grapes.
The idea that not marrying in the faith is forbidden by family isn’t just a Jewish thing, you know. I’ve personally seen it happen with Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses as well. So I’d say it’s more of a religious thing than racism.
What a silly op. You might as well say that it is you being racist for not wanting to convert to Judaism. And what’s this with singling out Jews, when this is common to most religions. Do I detect a bit of racism in that?
And in fact she might as well have said that she would never marry you because you were black or white or whatever and she just wasn’t attracted to such and such. And then it would merely have been a personal preference, not racism. I wouldn’t marry you either. If for no other reason then because you are a man, and I’m just not into men.
I saw a poll on another forum, where a surprisingly high proportion of liberals marked they’d never become romantically involved with a person of a conservative orientation (incidentally, the number of conservatives that would have a problem with becoming involved with a liberal was much smaller). That too must be racism.
Stink Fish Pot, this is not the Pit, so reduce the vitriol against FinnAgain. FinnAgain, you’re being excessively snarky here and I don’t want it to take the thread off track. Please post your disagreements with the OP in a less dismissive manner.
That being said: this behavior isn’t even close to unique to Jews, I don’t think they’re treated from other groups who do the same kind of thing (for religious, ethnic, or cultural reasons), and it’s not racist. The OP seems to be interpreting “I want to marry another Jew” as “nobody except a Jew is good enough for me.” They’re not the same thing. I think a more accurate statement would be that this is closed-minded. That was always how I felt about it.
I’ve seen threads on the SDMB about racism and sexual attraction and this is similar in that I think most people agree you want what you want, and that it’s not really prejudiced to want something specific. Is it bigoted to decide you want to be with someone you find sexually attractive, for example? Or to prefer redheads? A preference does not necessarily reflect prejudice. I think most people also agree it’s not bigoted to marry someone who shares your culture or your values if those are important to you. Abandoning or mistreating family members who decide to marry outside the faith or the group is another story.
It’s simple. During your dating years, you must ensure that you date people of different ethnic backgrounds in proportion to their numbers in the general population. The Department of Racial Equality will provide you with the percentages for your local area, although they cannot set you up on dates with any particular individuals.
Can you clarify? The OP is, through and through, absurd.
One single woman, who may or may not have actually been into the OP and trying to blow him off with an excuse he couldn’t counter, told him that she had a familial preference for in-group mating. This is hardly hardly unique to Jews, and quite common in any number of groupings (how many PhD’s do you know who’ve married people who never finished high school?). Added to that fact, Jews do intermarry in massive numbers, depending on the state and the time-frame, we’re looking at anywhere from roughly one in ten Jews intermarrying to one in two. Added to that, people are allowed to enjoy the culture they were raised in, to want to marry someone who they are culturally/intellectually/whateverally compatible with, and to want to raise children in that situation. This is especially foreseeable when we’re dealing with a minority culture that risks having its numbers reduced by a massive percent with each generation due to assimilation, and whose members would like to preserve the culture.
Now, you may say you don’t want to thread to get off track, but the OP did not open with a disinterested analysis of in-group mating patterns. He focused on Jews and, more to the point, he focused on one Jewish girl who quite possibly used her dad as an excuse to treat him as a fuck buddy but not to get serious with. And then he argued that it was because her attitude was really due to thinking Gentiles weren’t as good as Jews, and being an elitist racist.
I mean, seriously, this is a girl who told him they had no future after “a few lunches and clear signals”, and before they had even been out on a single date. What’s more likely, that they were at the point in their relationship where talking about marriage and raising children was a natural progression, or she didn’t feel like having a committed relationship with him but was willing to date, and used a good excuse?
In response, SFP comes to the Dope and makes a blanket allegation that “jews get a pass when it comes to racism”.
And then he wants to know why this ‘fact’ is.
And then he expects Jewish Dopers to join in “backlash” against this.
I mean, what’s there, or in any subsequent posts, that’s got meat on its bones?
The substance of the argument, the reasoning behind the argument, the facts behind the argument, the conclusions of the argument, they’re all utter nonsense. I’m more than willing to address any logical claims (such as they are) in support of the claim that in-group dating is inherently “racist” or “bigoted”, but I don’t know follow as to what the proper level of dismissiveness is.
Is, for instance “I was read to as a child and I believe that’s very important, so I’d like to marry someone who had a similar experience or, if not, someone who would at least support and engage in taking turns reading to our children” a ‘bigoted’ relationship too?
On behalf of Jews everywhere, I apologize to the OP for not being able to get a date.
Damn, exposed again.
Meet exception (Mrs. J. is a lapsed Methodist; my brother married a reputed Catholic). And as Finn noted (and is widespread knowledge), there is a ton of Jewish/non-Jewish intermarriage, to the extent that self-appointed representatives of the faithful bemoan it as supposedly leading to the eventual extinction of Judaism.
It does seem a severe stretch to me for the tendency of people to date/marry within an ethnic/religious group to be damned as “racism”.
:o Well I love you too but only as a friend, which I would hope does not make me a homophobe. :dubious:
What do I need to clarify? I disagreed with everythining in the OP in a subsequent post and I didn’t ask you to acknowledge its validity. I asked you to dispute it in a way that’s less sarcastic and so we can stay on topic.
How can it be racism if a person can convert to get into the group? Race isn’t something you can change, and it’s not exactly elitist if they’ll pretty much let anyone in the group if the person wants in.
Culture is extremely important, and it’s even more important for minorities who want to preserve a culture that’s in danger of being absorbed into a larger culture and disappearing. And for many religious people, a shared faith is much more important than race or ethnicity…it goes to the heart of who you are, and it makes perfect sense to me that a person would want to share that with their spouse.
And, incidentally, Jews don’t “get a pass” on this or just about anything. From what I’ve seen, their culture seems to be MORE scrutinized in terms of “why do they act like this” than just about any other group out there.
I have to disagree. Well, it might be the reason, but it’s also the reason why white parents won’t want their children to marry a non-white (however you define white) They similarly want to “maintain their identity and minimize the dilution of their race/culture”.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If one is bigoted for not wanting one’s children to marry a non-christian/non-white, one is similarly bigoted for not willing them to marry a non-Jew/non-Indian.
Quite a bit off-topic, but I certainly think I’d have a hard time living with a conservative. However, for some reason, political inclination is rarely mentioned when the issue of relationship is discussed. People mention religion, a variety of moral issues and behaviors as no-no but I hardly ever read “I wouldn’t marry a leftist”.
