Crying at tragic events isn’t “crying freely”. Also, proverbs don’t say much about how people actually behave in a society. Would you say “early to bed and early to rise” is descriptive of your average American adult?
Crying usually isn’t just a reaction to an unpleasant emotion, like sadness. It’s an attempt to communicate that the current situation is shocking or unbearable, and must be dealt with urgently. As we get older, we can still feel the full range of emotions to sad situations, but we’re much less likely to be shocked into those emotions (due to experience), and we rarely require assistance to deal with them.
Not to dismiss social stigma and peer pressure, but a lot of crying you see in children is perfectly rational, in a way it wouldn’t be for adults.
Do you feel like there’s something wrong with you that you never cry, or do you think this is “normal”? Do you think it would mean you’re out of control or less of a man if you allowed yourself to cry?
Of course it’s normal. I don’t think I’d want to “allow myself to cry”, since it wouldn’t make things any better than they are without tears. The “manly” aspect isn’t a part of it.
Since I have gotten older say over 60 I have noticed I can be moved to tears but not bawling by a song or a movie. As a child my son never cried not even as an infant. He seemed happy and well adjusted but I couldn’t help but wonder why he never cried. Now as an adult he will occasionaly cry over family crisis type issues involving his mother, wife or children. When it does happen it doesn’t strike me as inappropriate in anyway or out of control.
Hang on… let me search my post below for where I said they were “better” … hmm… that’s odd can’t seem to find any suggestion in my post that those “other” behaviors are better.
If it’s normal to never allow yourself to express a particular range of emotions, then I’m happy to be abnormal.
Normal is an individual observation. We are both normal, IMHO. I’ve never expressed turpitude either.
ETA: so, I looked up “turpitude” and it turns out I’m incorrect. I thought it meant reticence.
I know that Eva Greene never actually said this about that; it just sounded like it. 
My son (6) seems to feel emotions more intently than his sister (8) did at the same age. He cries a lot more and more intently.
We’re working with him on both validating his feelings but also learning how to manage the emotions in a more productive manner. It’s OK to feel sad that mommy had to go to a meeting tonight, but less OK to wail about it.
I teach English to a range of kids, including kindergarten, and often boys have more difficulty managing all sorts of emotions, from being bored to getting excited.
We had neighbors in Japan with a four-year-old boy and the father would get angry at the boy any time he cried. I don’t think that’s healthy for the child in that it only teaches the kid how to suppress emotions without learning how to deal with them. Then what happens when they get older and run into things they can’t suppress? Well, besides developing a dependency on alcohol.
That’s just an alibi.
Also, what you’re crying about changes from boyhood to manhood too. A 5 year old boy is typically going to cry in response to higher levels of pain, a man is going to shout, curse, scream, etc.
the manliest crier I have ever met, done without shame, was my brother’s Best Friend, who he first met as his Senior Drill Sergeant, who then became his Platoon Sergeant at Ft. Campell, and lastly Honor Guard who brought him home and then presented his flag to my mom at his funeral as he shed as many tears as my mom did:(
I’ve never told any of my sons that “big boys don’t cry”. I’ve asked them if crying was helping them to improve or change whatever was causing them to cry. Sometimes the answer was yes and a lot of times the answer was no. That’s how I was raised too, to think that crying usually just wastes time without improving anything, but not always.
Real Men do cry as adults. We just need a damn good reason.
Sometimes we feel as if we really want to cry, or we need to… But there is something blocking our ability to do so, it’s almost as if right at the edge, but we can’t cross the line into it. If something is severe enough (usually death, but not always) it can elicit tears easily. Usually men have a “f*ck it” or “try harder next time” attitude that gets us through the day if things don’t go our way. I’m not sure if this is societal influence. I have had tremendous emotional pain at times and even while alone, and I’m sure I feel the need to cry. It just won’t happen. It just won’t come out. No control.
Your attention to the whispered part
There would be your reason