Basically, what’s your reaction and what are your initial thoughts when a man cries around you? Do you think lowly of them and think they are “wimps” and unmanly or otherwise?
I am not talking about a man crying as a result of a death or any major tragedies like that where society accepts men to cry. I am talking about men crying over normal-life things that get them upset. How about when it happens in a movie?
I’d love to hear.
I think, “Oh Jesus Christ, not again” because the only man who has ever done that is my psycho ex, and he cries all the time. He’s not a wimp at all though, so I don’t think that. In most cases I’m sure I would think the man was a wimp and it would be a major turnoff if it was someone I was dating.
(Only talking about men crying over everyday stuff, like you said. I don’t think anything at all negative about men crying over something serious.)
I’d think the guy must be suffering or insane. Maybe both.
Define normal life things? If he is crying because we ran out of Jif, warning bells would go off. If he is crying at the end of Where The Red Fern Grows, that’s a different thing.
I don’t find people who constantly cry in everyday life to be particularly pleasant.
I think part of being an adult is having a bit of a handle on your emotions. (Obviously there are exceptions for pregnancy, major events, etc.)
So, male or female, I don’t like it. I wouldn’t think anyone was a wimp, though, and I don’t think gender really factors into it.
No, I think they are very sad.
It’s normal.
I’m not much of a cryer myself, but if someone makes some “manly” point of never crying, its ridiculous. It’s just an expression of emotion. Is it unmanly to laugh?
If he’s crying about something I would cry about—which narrows the list down quite a bit—I would think nothing negative about him. If, however, he is crying because his boss was mean to him or he stubbed his toe or somebody ate the last Oreo, I’m going to think he’s a big wuss.
Of course, I’d think a woman was a big wuss in the same circumstances.* I’m as sick of people sobbing over trivialities as I am of people hugging each other for no discernible reason.
Yeah, by normal life things I meant occurrences like getting screwed over/yelled at/unairly treated, the result of a fight with an SO, losing a precious possession, etc. Basically, normal life drastically upsetting things.
This.
Oh, that? Yeah, no big deal if he cries about that stuff. That’s the same stuff I cry about.
Every time I’ve seen a man cry (usually no sobbing, just some tears falling) it’s been for a good reason. My dad always cried relatively easily, and it’s never occurred to me to think less of anyone for it. I (a woman) don’t cry often myself but I don’t feel any pride in that.
Well I guess I’ll be the unenlightened one to say that I think women get way more leeway for things to cry about than men do.
It is the ‘sturdy oak’ one of the 4 gender stereotypes men are expected to follow.
Almost all of the men in my current life are extremely stoic, so seeing one of my brothers or my dad cry would not be normal life. It would be “oh my god, who died?”.
When I was a teacher, I sometimes had a student break down in tears, and it never mattered to me if the child was male or female, except that I was more aware that a male student often needed a little more time and privacy to pull himself together. One of my fellow teachers, a man I greatly respected and liked, once had some tears of frustration and hurt. If anything, it increased my regard for him. That man really, really cared about the kids.
Dating, I was with one man who had some serious emotional issues - far beyond what a supportive girlfriend could have helped with - and he broke down crying multiple times, and he wouldn’t even know why he was crying. Funny thing was, he broke up with me when I urged him to get together with his buddies and have a guys’ night out. Serious issues. The other boyfriend who cried in front of me only cried if it was his pain or frustration. He never cried from empathy felt over another person’s pain. He was a manipulative jerk, and that was one of the tools in his box.
I’d think he was reacting in a totally normal and understandable manner. I loathe gender essentialism, and I truly can’t understand how people* can advocate such an unhealthy expectation (that men shouldn’t show any “sensitive” emotions).
I don’t cry myself, but if I saw another man crying my initial reaction would be that something major happened. However, if it were revealed that he was crying over any of that stuff above, I’d be thinking “You’re kidding, right?” I mean “Getting yelled at? A fight with your SO?” Seriously?
Huh? Obviously I would just give them a hug and cuppa and help make them feel better.
Even if you’re crying over something small or stupid, that usually just means you are exhausted and a ton of shitty things happened and the last (small/stupid) thing was the straw that broke the camel’s back. That’s why sometimes people do cry when they run out of Jif. There’s no point saying it’s stupid, it’s just how someone feels at that time, probably not really about the Jif.
It hurts to see a friend cry, no matter what the gender of the friend. Here, Jacques Brel will tell you what it is like to see a friend cry:
“Voir un ami pleurer”
Bien sûr il y a les guerres d’Irlande
Et les peuplades sans musique
Bien sûr tout ce manque de tendre
Mais voir un ami pleurer
Rough translation
Of course there are the wars of Ireland
And the people who live without music
Of course there is a great lack of tenderness
But oh to see a friend cry
The gender of the crying person doesn’t impact on what I think of them. Is that the underlying question in your post? Whether we judge male and female crying differently?
Pussy
I have a brother that cries easily. I don’t think he is a wimp but I do think he has some mental issues. Bipolar maybe.