Wow. I’m a guy. I’ve been close to tears a few times recently when loved ones have died. Close.
Crying is allowed when a loved one dies. Or if you’re watching Old Yeller or Saving Private Ryan. But generally, no, it’s not appropriate for a grown-ass man to be bawling like a little girl who skinned her knee on the playground.
Also, it is worth noting, by crying I mean shedding a few tears, not sobbing.
Of course, the emergency plan is to just go to the bathroom…no one cares what you do there…
And Brian’s Song.
It’s not unenlightened to say this. It’s an accurate observation of our culture. As a society, men are expected to be far more stoic than women. It would be unenlightened to say that things are fine this way. Men have the same emotional spectrum women do, and denying a man the right to experience his own emotions is both oppressive and sets him up for a lifetime of unnecessary physical stress - the kind of stress that raises blood pressure, damages the heart, and batters the mind.
It’s changing, thank heavens. Women are more expected to have control over their emotions, and men are getting a little more leeway in expressing theirs.
I am not a woman, but -
Crying over some ordinary setback is a sign of weakness. I don’t like weak people. They are too much trouble.
If someone wants to be taken seriously, then express your emotions if you need to, but not by crying. Children cry.
Regards,
Shodan
Just a fun fact to consider: just before and as our periods start, our progesterone and estrogen levels drop precipitously, while our testosterone production remains the same or increases slightly, resulting in a proportional increase in testosterone in our bodies.
It’s the closest a mature woman’s body comes to being like a man’s body. Or, to look at it the other way, men are “PMSing” constantly, the poor dears! :eek:
I will admit that I’m uncomfortable around a man who cries for “little things,” moreso than I am around a woman. But I do have a wider window of what I consider to *not *be “little things” than society at large. And as long as the tears are in that window of what I feel to be appropriate, I’m touched by tears. Especially men’s tears, as I know they’ve had to overcome a lot of cultural training to cry around me. I take it as a sign of trust and closeness, and I’m actually kind of flattered by that.
If it’s over some “everyday” thing, I try to remember that shit happens to me…whenever there is a huge build up of stress and things come to a head, my body fails me and tears flow. I don’t intend to cry. But sometimes my body just says, “Fuck this. Life is hard. This last thing is something I refuse to cope with unless crying is involved.”
If it becomes a regular thing, crying all the time over what seems to be nothing at all, then I assume there is some medical issue, probably mental health-related, that we’re dealing with.
Of course, this insight comes after years of living with my bi-polar ex-husband, who did cry over everyday things and sometimes over seemingly nothing at all. His emotional labilty got much worse after going through a round interferon/ribarivin treatment. That shit will fuck you right up. I am sure his co-workers were initially perplexed at the sudden crying jags the treatment sent him on (until he took a leave of absence during the latter part of the treatment–it’s part of why he he took leave).
So remember, folks, you don’t know why that man/woman is crying. Maybe the dog just died. Maybe there was a fight with the SO. Or maybe last night was interferon shot night, today the reaction is just too much to handle, and crying is what’s for dinner.
You guys may want to check out this WikiHow article if you want tips on holding back tears if you are ever in that kind of situation.
But I think it’s most important to note that it does say this:
Ditto this. I NEVER judge or look down on ANYONE for crying, man, woman, or child. I will be judgmental of someone who believes crying is wrong and a sign of weakness, however. I do not think it’s unmanly or wimpy or anything. In fact, a man who is afraid to feel his feelings and show his feelings is the weak one. My reaction when it happens is that this man must trust me a lot to let me see this very personal side of himself. Because I do believe crying can be a private thing.
For Pete’s sake, even Jesus wept.
Or find a friend who isn’t some nasty gender-role-tard/men-don’t-cry-Nazi and cry with them! As WhyNot said, it’s flattering to know you are a good enough friend & trusted enough to let out emotions. I’m sure I wouldn’t want my friends to cry alone.
Besides, it’s a good excuse to get drunk 
I disagree with you on this.
My wife cries a lot. Not just from sad or frustrating life events, either. TV dramas, sitcoms, commercials, a squirrel running across the driveway… just about anything can trigger it. But the thing is, with her it seldom represents a loss of emotional control. It’s just a physiological reaction. I don’t think it reflects in any way on her relative strength or weakness in crisis situations - there are a lot of much more reliable indicators of those. Sometimes people just cry, and sometimes people lose their shit… but they’re not necessarily the same times.
My boyfriend cries at sad movies. I’m usually crying at the same time, so we put an arm around each other and it’s ok.
We live together now. But, back when we were still long-distance, he cried when I cried because he was leaving after spending a great week at my apartment. He hasn’t really cried separately from me yet… if he did, I’d hug and kiss him until he felt better, then offer to make him a quesadilla. 
It depends. I won’t go into why here, but I tend to keep a pretty tight lid on my emotions. I’m uncomfortable around people who cry, rage, laugh, or shrink easily because I think they might not have a tight enough grip on themselves. That said:
I can remember crying at work exactly once (I work in auto claims). Not outright bawling, but a few tears squirted out before I was able to pull it together again. I was talking to an elderly lady who had, for whatever reason, put her car into a fairly large and very cold mountain river. She and her daughter barely managed to get out of the car but they had to let the 2 year old girl in the back seat go down. That was a sad story to hear from the mom, but I muscled through it and let her cry her way through her statement. But I lost it when (and I’m losing it now recalling the conversation) I was talking to Grandma about when they were pulling the car out of the river 3 days later. She told me the little girl was still strapped into her kiddie seat, and she was just smiling like a little angel so Grandma knew she was with God. I just can’t get my head around mistaking a death grin for a smile–it’s an absolutely horrifying crossover. And Grandma needed to be confused about that to keep from thinking about how scared the kid must have been, drowning alone in a car under a chilly, murky river. The two ladies who made it out felt a lot of survivor’s guilt even though I was surprised neither of them died from their injuries & exposure, and it was hard not to get wrapped up in it. I actually took the rest of the day off after that call.
I’ve dealt with a lot of fatality accidents before and since. Breadwinners, mothers, children, spouses–all dead from blunt trauma, and I get the survivors through my part of the process like a true blue professional. But the river girl–she haunts me.
This. Everyone deserves a cup of tea.
My BFF took me to see an excellent performance of ‘To kill a mockingbird.’
When the Reverend said “Stand up Miss Jean-Louise - your father’s passing”, I shed some tears.
And she passed me a tissue, because she knew I was going to cry.
I’m thinking ‘good’. I see crying as pressure release, it’s a good thing. My husband couldn’t cry when his brother died unexpectedly and far too young, that brother was a huge fan of Michael Jackson and oddly when MJ died some months later he cried and cried. Somehow that had driven home his brothers death. I want to say ‘like a baby’ but in fact one of the disturbing things about (some) men crying is that it’s more tears sprouting and rolling down the face, no facial contortion, no sobs, only water leaking from the eyes.
I don’t feel comfortable around criers, particularly in-public criers. I don’t care about their genders, public displays of strong emotional make me nervous. I don’t know what my response is supposed to be.
StG
Confession time.
Many years ago my (then) wife and I were watching Little House on the Prairie. I’m laying on the couch and my wife is sitting on the floor directly in front of the couch. Her back is to me so she can’t see what I’m doing.
Anyway, LHOTP is having one of their typical sappy scenes wherein Charles is telling his family how much he loves them and how they’re the greatest, bestest family in the world to ad nauseum. As I’m laying on the couch my eyes start to well up.
Meanwhile, my wife is getting irritated as she is chiding the show’s stupidity: “OMG this is stupid, I’m changing this!”
Me: [wipes eyes] Uh- um, yeah, change it, TOTALLY stupid.
How about tears of happiness?