Mods, if this should be in GD instead, I apologize - move it, and I’ll take my lashes with the wet noodle.
Inspired by life, the universe and everything, I ponder: why do people blatantly lie to others? I guess this is really a two part question.
I’m not referring to individuals who assume that you’re telling tall tales based on anecdotal evidence, heresy, rumors, or tin foil hat wearing paranoia. I’m referring to an individual who mentions something to you, or another person in your company, knowing full well that you know the verbal diarrhea they are spewing is a full blown blatant lie.
What should you do if faced with this situation? confront them or ignore it?
-or-
What if it’s in emails where you are cc’d, or on a board? Should you call shenanigans?
Gaah. I meant who do people blatantly lie for the title in the OP. If the mods that be want to correct it, or leave as it as an icon of my stupidity, feel free.
Gah–do you want to know to whom people blatantly lie or why they lie?
Re the former, I have no idea. The latter–to look better in others’ eyes, to simplify things, to garner sympathy, to manipulate. Lots of reasons. No idea what you do, for me, that depends on who is doing the lying. I’m not about to call my boss on it, for example.
I have only called people on a lie a couple of times. Often confronting a liar doesn’t really do you much good.
I did it when an employee lied to me about charging hours worked away from the office. I produced system logs that showed there were no logins during the times claimed. I won’t tolerate lying by an employee.
Second, I have caught my children lying maybe twice and use it as a teaching opportunity, not a change to play “gotcha.”
I would also do it if I caught an SO in a lie, but only to force an issue or move to breakup mode. (My first marriage ended in divorce after she had an affair; I wish I had caught her in a lie but I was so trusting it never occurred to me to doubt her.)
No lies are especially good ones but you have to pick your battles.
People lie because they think it helps them advance their agenda. The blatant liars are just plain stupid.
I had one coworker who would lie about things that he would never get in trouble for if he admitted the truth. He wouldn’t admit that he didn’t know anything about wines (this is a store that sells wine), which is a pretty tough fucking sell to someone who does know. I mean no one would blame him for not being a wine expert. It’s perfectly normal and most stores that do sell wines don’t have employees that know a lot about them.
I never called him on this because I didn’t care enough. Plus I didn’t feel like embarrassing him. He was fired within a few weeks.
I catch liars by asking them questions to see if they can keep their facts straight. If they don’t over think their excuse (and few do) they’ll stumble to answer a really simple question. If they stumble I automatically assume they are chronic liars, but I can’t really call them on a stumble.
Sometimes people will stumble because they are nervous. You got to take the nervous people into account.
If a friend lies to me, I will always call them on it. I would like to know the truth so that I can either mock them or help them out.
Well, yesterday I had a customer lie to me regarding their account (the reason for the OP). Now I do understand they will lie to CYA (I expect them to do so - after all, if I’m collecting a debt from them, which happns quite often, I get this type of response all the time) but when I know that they know what they are telling me is just a steaming pile of doggie doo - as we’ve discussed the same situation before, but with a totally different answer. It just caught me off guard; on of those, “wait, what?” moments? No one likes to be called a liar - I get that - but it just baffles me why they would try do so. I don’t want to come across as holier-than-thou when speaking with them, but then again, there is no way you can just let it fly as if it doesn’t happen - especially when I have detailed evidence that refutes their erroneous statement that they have signed in my presence.
If the lie is a major one that can endanger or reflect poorly on other people, then it’s only responsible to confront the liar, embarrassment be damned.
If it’s a little lie that doesn’t seem to serve any purpose, then I wouldn’t confront the liar (unless they were a close friend or family member and they were clearly embarrassing themselves). I admit I’m guilty of little lies because I never know how to wiggle out of unwanted invitations or personal questions. I’ll make up a story about what I did over the weekend, for instance, just so that the nosy-parker who’s curious won’t think I’m boring.
There’s a guy where I work who’s been caught doing this over stupid, stupid stuff. England is not part of Europe. Bush is a Rhodes scholar. Things like that.
When he declared Bush was a Rhodes scholar, a coworker and I pulled up the list of Rhodes scholars posted on Wikipedia, and he got all giggly in a really creepy way saying “I made them look stuff up. heeheeheehee.”
What I figured is that he was trying to sound smart and impressive and got caught just making shit up. He shut up for a couple of days, but the obnoxity is building.
He also misses social cues - facial expressions, tone of voice, body language - that should be very clear signs (and are to everyone else in the group) that he needs to drop whatever topic he’s picked, but he just doesn’t get it.
In a foreword to a Calvin and Hobbes book I have, Garry Trudeau said something to the effect that “A child will say something that the parent knows to be untrue, but at the moment the child says it, he believes it.” Of course, that moment is fleeting, and other, contradictory motives come forward. I don’t think it much of a throw to say that some people never grow up.
Mark Twain’s* Advice to Youth* is a favorite of mine…
*Think what tedious years of study, thought, practice, experience, went to the equipment of that peerless old master who was able to impose upon the whole world the lofty and sounding maxim that “Truth is mighty and will prevail”–the most majestic compound fracture of fact which any of woman born has yet achieved. For the history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sewn thick with evidences that a truth is not hard to kill, and that a lie well told is immortal. *
This is worth reading in its entirety of two pages. Just don’t drink anything you don’t want shooting out your nose onto your computer/keyboard/etc.
Bottom line: the people who lie to the OP think everybody’s an idiot because most people (starting with the parents) don’t check the facts or take them to task.
I read the OP as "Why do people blatantly “Die”, and what should you do if you catch them red-handed? My eye caught the “life, the universe, and everything”, I thought this was a Douglas Adams thread.
Lie? I don’t always catch the blatant lie, but I usually just smile & walk away. Do they know they lied? Yep. Do I know? Yep. It’s a win-win situation.
Re: choice F. I had a roommate in college who was a pathological liar. He’d lie about anything and everything, even stuff that was inconsequential. Understand, it wasn’t only Q and A, like did you drink the last of the soda in the fridge? He’d tell me, “I wrote this song” and play it for me, ask me if I liked it etc. Later he said, “Hey I didn’t really write that. I was just shitting you.” It would be some obscure song I hadn’t heard of, and he just really liked to see if I’d believe him or not.
Is that to make me look bad or make him look good? Seems like a zero-sum game.
One of my sisters in law doesn’t outright lie, but she exaggerates EVERYthing. Just one example: my oldest nephew has always struggled in school, so he has dyslexia (they’ve never had him tested). It is very annoying and makes me wonder how much of what she says I can believe. I choose family peace over proving her wrong because otherwise I like her so much, but grrrrrrrrr.
