Why do people in the South do this? (Baby/Marraige timeline)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

OK, here’s the scenario: Couple gets pregnant unexpectadly, decides immediately that they just have to get married, but don’t get married until the baby is several months old.

Why do people around here do this? My family isn’t from the south, which must be why I don’t understand this, but I’ve lived here for a long time and I’ve seen a steady pattern of this over the years. It doesn’t seem to be common anywhere else in the country.

Note that I’m not putting this practice down, it doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, I think it’s kind of funny that most of them want to get married either because of religious beliefs or because they’re worried what their families will think yet they wait usually a year and a half to actually get hitched!

It seems like if I was in that situation I would just get the wedding out of the way ASAP before the pregnancy was too far along. Possibly have one last vacation (honeymoon) and then prepare to raise a child.

I have one friend that had a son back in November and they plan on getting married “sometime.” I have another friend that has a child due in June and they plan on getting married “around next August” but they knew about the pregnancy almost immediately (like 2 weeks.) A third friend’s son was walking at his wedding yet they decided to get married the same day they found out she was pregnant!

Has anyone else noticed this as a common practice outside of the south? Has anyone moved to the south from somewhere else and been surprised or confused about this?

Once again, I’m not putting this down, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it and it doesn’t bother me one bit. It just confuses the hell out of me.

2

I forgot to mention: You might say that they put it off so they can have time to plan and save up money, etc. but it’s almost always just a small non-fancy wedding with mostly just family members and a few close friends in attendance, often without so much as a reception.

3

Well, one reason I can think of to put it off until the baby is born strikes close to home. My brother and his fiancee got pregnant a few months before my husband and I were married. Things were going great until about the third or fourth month, when she lost the child. While their situation is different in that their decision to get married was made long before the pregnancy, I can imaging a hasty wedding followed by tragedy would be best avoided if possible. After talking with the doctors, it is really surprising to learn the frequency of miscarriage, Especially in young women, it’s higher than a lot of people think.

Also, money is not always readily available. I think most of the couples you are speaking of are younger, as is the case with most couples I’ve known who wait until after a birth to get married. They usually have little money to spend on the wedding when there’s a baby on the way.

Also, last but not least, is the vanity factor. Some women can’t bear the idea of being pregnant in their wedding photos, and would like the opportunity to lose some weight before the big day. Plus, new moms usually have trouble hiding those telltale dark circles under their eyes – a big no no for photo sessions.

4

One of my nephews waited until after the baby was born to get married because of insurance. Her parents had it and she was covered as long as she wasn’t married.

They’ve made it through 6 years or so and seem to be doing ok.

But I think it’s sort of a goofy thing to do. If you’re going to get married, get married.

5

I really don’t think of it as a southern thing. Look at all the people that are movie stars that sometimes have 2 or more children before they get married.

6

I think that’s more of a neo-hippie/‘free-spirit’ type thing and then they eventually just give in and get married. This is like ‘ok we just got pregnant, we know we’re definately going to get married, but let’s put it off for no apparent reason.’

7

Gosh!! and I was hoping you were going to ask why we put peanuts in our Coke…

8

So they can do the DNA test to find out which of the 3 guys is the father.

9

Maybe the mother wants to drink champagne at her reception? Maybe she doesn’t want to be a hugely pregnant bride? I think the stress of having a baby would be enough without the stress of having a wedding at the same time. Just guesses.

I have two friends who got married at the courthouse before their baby was born, then had a public wedding celebration with lots of friends and family when the kid was about 4 months old. It worked for them, so I’m not going to knock it.

10

We had talked about getting married before I got pregnant. When I did get pregnant, we talked about going to Vegas but we were starting a new business and didn’t have 7 seconds to spare- much less time for a vacation. After the baby was born we still wanted to “elope” but neither of us has any family available to watch the critter for a weekend. Finally, we gave up and went to a local wedding chapel just to get it over with. By this time the baby was almost three and we just didn’t care anymore… it’s not like we felt “more” married or anything.

So that’s my answer…

11

<<One of my nephews waited until after the baby was born to get married because of insurance. Her parents had it and she was covered as long as she wasn’t married…But I think it’s sort of a goofy thing to do. If you’re going to get married, get married.>>

The first time I read that, it seemed odd that your nephew was pregnant. But, if you’re trying to provide for a kid, and you have a chance to get insurance, most folks are going to take it. I don’t think that’s a southern thing, it should be a practical thing.

Corr
(once married, no kids)

12

Personally…

My son was born in April and we married in September. And yes, I live in the South, though I don’t think that had anything to do with it.

For one thing, I was 3 or 4 months along when we finally got a doctor to confirm that I was, indeed, pregnant. By that time, we could pretty much tell for ourselves, but it’s not like we knew at only one month along.

Secondly, money was a big issue. My husband was married once before, and they had a very impromptu wedding. I think they got engaged and married in the same day. It was pretty important to us to have a “real” wedding in a church with family and friends. And even though it was small, it still cost around 4 grand. Which we paid for ourselves. How fast can YOU come up with 4 grand while trying to prepare for a baby?

Third, we were very busy getting ready for the baby. We had to move to a bigger place. We had to get a crib and all of the things a baby needs. I kept having to go to the DSS and wrangle with them over getting on Medicaid, then I had to find a doctor, then I had doctor’s appointments. Then my Medicaid doctor turned out to be an asshole, so I had to find a new one. It was a very busy 9 months.

Finally, while being “big” didn’t concern me, there were other health issues. I was throwing up constantly for the first and third trimesters. I was tired all the time. I mean, going up a flight of steps to get to work, I’d have to stop every two or three steps. I had horrible heartburn that kept me from sleeping. In my third trimester, the doctor put me on some medication to control my vomiting, and taking even half of a pill knocked me out for the whole day. Not that being pregnant was miserable, you understand, just that planning a wedding is VERY stressful, and it would have been a double whammy to try to both get married and be pregnant all at once.

A lot of these issues carried over after the baby was born (lack of money, for example). But we did the best we could and managed to have a great wedding. And when I got my bridal photos done, I got some of the baby, too. :slight_smile:

13

I know a few couples in Minnesota that have done this. I don’t think its a Southern thing.