Do some people have mixed preferred pronouns, like he/her or she/him?
If not, it seems like a simple ‘he’ or ‘she’ would clarify what someone prefers
Or as opposed to he/his/him, she/her/her, they/their/them?
But I’d guess it’s redundancy for clarity: easy to confuse the rhyming “he” and “she” if you’re not paying attention, while he/him vs she/her is clearer in speech; the writing matches the oral delivery.
(I’ve always found the usage jarring, not because I object to it, but because the only pronouns I refer to myself with are I/my/me.)
Some people prefer the they/them pronouns but are not opposed to he or she when using subjective pronouns. So they would list he/them or she/them. So it’s important to know the preference for both subjective and objective pronouns.
The use of “they” in the subject is most commonly used as a plural. So it may sound foreign to some ears. Remember, these are preferences. They don’t have to reconcile.
If people prefer they/them, just state ‘they’ as their preferred pronoun. As you said “they are not opposed to he or she” but they do prefer they/them. Just go with ‘they’ then
Do people feel like they are a different gender depending on whether they are being referred to with subjective vs objective pronouns?
I was editing my post when you replied. I think the second paragraph talks to your question.
Maybe it evolved that way. Maybe at first it was just ‘he’ and ‘she’, but the closeness in sound caused confusion. I guess it could be like how we say ‘B Bravo’ when talking to a phone operator to avoid them mishearing the B as E or P.
So then is like like this?
- he/him or she/her – One set of pronouns but with repetition for clarification to avoid rhyming confusion
- he/they – Fine with either ‘he/him’ or ‘they/them’ pronouns
- he/she – Fine with either male or female pronouns
- he/she/they – Fine with any pronouns
This really gets into some slippery slope areas. I have a good friend who works at an elementary school. He was onto this stuff years ago and even he doesn’t 100% understand it. Sometimes he actually has to defer the the kids.
As someone in his mid 50s this is all so strange to me. I try and understand it so I don’t offend but sometimes - as referenced above - you can easily mess up.
So the last thing I heard was a guy who was in his mid 20s who claimed he was “non binary” which to me suggests that he does not identify as just a single sex He stated his pronouns were they/she.
This confused me as I thought that non binary meant they/them but as you guys have shown above it really doesn’t mean that.
I sincerely don’t ask too many questions these days…
I have no idea, but I just ran across this for the first time in the wild. I was at the movie theater and buying a soda at the concession and the person taking my order had star shaped pin on their shirt where a name tag usually is. All that was on the pin was “He/They”.
It was the middle of the day and I was the only one at the concession besides employees. I got up and asked, “Can I get a medium Mountain Dew please.?” They got it and I gave them my card and they asked if I wanted to use my points to get a discount, and I said, “Oh yeah huh.” and pulled up my account on my phone and they scanned it and said it’ll be too expensive like movie theater sodas are and I said, “Ok.” They swiped my card and handed it back and then asked if I would like the receipt and I said, “No, thank you.” And they said, “Enjoy your movie.” And I replied, “Thanks, have a nice day.” and went to my theater.
This person seemed like an older teenager , was wearing a mask, and had a high pitch voice and shoulder length hair and was slim of build. I honestly could not tell what gender they were. Nor did I care. They were pleasant, I was pleasant, it was nice. And the movie was fun. (It was The Suicide Squad btw.)
May I ask a related question: If I just write (he) instead of (he/him) am I offending people? Thank you.
I forgot to list this one:
- they/them – Only gender-neutral pronouns
You mean, if you indicate that your own pronoun preference is “he” rather than indicating that it is “he/him”? No, I don’t see why anyone would take offence at that.
I think saying or writing for example he/him not only identifies the proper pronouns for somebody to use with a person, it also clues people in that that’s what information is being conveyed. That is, if you simply threw in a “he”, it might not be obvious that it’s a pronoun specification, but “he/him” can only mean pronouns are being given. “he/they” does also meet this goal.
It’s quite a mouthful to say “he/him/his or they/them/theirs”, which would cover my pronoun expectations, but “he/they” gets it across likewise and is much quicker.