First of all, I totally understand why it is rude to ask someone their weight, and I’m not suggesting that people do so. It is totally rude.
What I don’t get, though, is why some people treat their weight as if it is some closely guarded secret when you can tell just by looking at them what their approximate weight is. If someone weighs 110 pounds, you can roughly guesstimate that ballpark figure as much just by looking at them. If someone weighs 270 pounds, same - you can tell at a glance. (give or take a dozen or few dozen pounds, of course.)
It would be like as if a man were to say, “I refuse to tell you my height” when you can tell at a glance that he’s roughly 5-feet-6.
Because they’re embarrassed? I mean, you can look at them and guess that they probably weigh over 250 pounds or whatever, but that’s not the same thing as having them confirm it.
Unless you’re my doctor, I can’t think of a single legitimate reason for you to ask me my weight. If you insist on doing it anyway, you might not be owed a straight answer. Also, experience tells me that such a question will be followed by unsolicited advice that I will surely find less than helpful. There’s no mystery here.
Weight is a measuring stick that people judge each other with. When you confirm a number, then it becomes easier to scold or gossip about (and they do scold and gossip).
For example, “can you believe she’s up to 200 pounds at only 5’4” is juicier and more easily transmissible than “can you believe how fat she’s gotten”. The number just puts an easier, less subjective bullseye on it.
In addition to the things others have already covered very well, I’ll add that you cannot, in fact, tell at a glance.
I’m 5’10" and for a lot of years I was a size 4/extra small. Perfectly fit and healthy, but thin enough that I got a lot of “concern” about how I ate like a bird and needed to put some weight on. My weight at the time was 160-170lbs. Not a single person would have guessed that high, and would have been shocked if I’d told them.
The bottom line is that it’s never necessary to comment on anyone’s weight or body, ever, so just don’t.
My first thought exactly. I can’t imagine why anyone would need to know. Oh wait, I know one legitimate case - if you’re going to be flying in a small aircraft, the pilot needs to know for safety reasons. And maybe if you’re going to bungee jump. Beyond that, nope.
How do you know that someone treats it as a secret if you don’t ask, which you acknowledge would be rude?
Most people consider personal data (income, age, weight, credit score, etc.) to be personal (I know–that’s a tautology). Your financial advisor knows your income, your loan officer knows your credit score, your doctor knows your weight and age. Other than that there is no reason anybody needs to know so there is no reason to tell anyone. That’s not quite the same as treating it as a secret–it’s treating it as “none of your business.”
This is my thinking, too. I’m a 5’7" woman and weigh a little north of 190. I fit into a size 10 pair of jeans (about one size larger than in high school) and my waist is about 30-31 inches. I’ve always weighed far more than one would expect, I assume because I run a lot, I lift weights and I’ve always been a swimmer, so I tend to have a fair amount of muscle mass.
However, there’s so much stigma associated with people, women particularly, who weigh “more than they should.” In medical terms, I’m obese. But given that I can run up to 10 miles without walking and my doctor is satisfied with my fitness and fat to muscle ratio, I’d really rather not open myself up for a debate or any judginess about how heavy I am. I’ve gotten enough of that from my mom no matter how skinny or fat I’ve been; I don’t want to give anyone else the opportunity.
Two cases where you would genuinely be asked your weight, but you’d also know beforehand that it was likely to be a question and not be offended either
Then there’s age. I was buying CO2 cartridges (used for paintball) for use in my hacked SodaStream. Apparently there is an age restriction. I was 60 at the time, and certainly looked my age.
When the cashier asked my birthday I replied January 1, 1901. She dutifully entered the information, but her register wouldn’t accept it. She got a manager, he looked at the screen and overrode the register. He caught my eye and grinned.
As I left with my purchase, I heard the twenty-something cashier ask her supervisor why it refused my purchase.
Eh, I’ve sized someone up before offering to lend clothes, although I’ve never actually asked their weight. They’ve sized me up, too. I can think of a few other situations where it comes up. But I’ve never noticed anyone being secretive about it because it’s not something I ask unless there’s some obvious-to-them reason to do so.
Yeah, I’m fatter than you, but about the same height and weight. And I told a personal shopper my height and weight over the phone, and when I went in, she said, “you can’t weight that much!” and apparently had to replace most of what she’d picked up off the racks. So I guess one can be even fatter than I am at this height and weight. So I agree, it’s not really all that obvious.
