This isn’t really pit-worthy, 'cause I don’t have enough room in my heart for any hate or enough anger to make this a really good flame.
Two weeks ago, a nice sweet old shop owner in my town horrified me by using the N word when telling me about someone breaking into his shop. I was so horrified I couldn’t think of anything to say, but have no intention of bringing my business to him again.
Today (and several times in the last few days) co-workers that I like and used to respect have made derogatory comments about Arabs and Muslims (that I have dealt with the best I could–saying things like “I don’t want to hear that kind of talk”.)
Okay, I know the events of the last week have upset and unsettled many people, and I know the old man was probably “raised on” that attitude, but people, please. Realize that all of us don’t have those attitudes and don’t appreciate being around those that do. All people of a given race or religion are not the same. The actions of a few do not reflect the whole. And please do not assume that I will go along with your name-calling. Thank you.
If your life is so uneventful that you have time to be “horrified” by somebody using the “N word”, then I’m really seriously envious. The only thing in the last ten years or so that has “horrified” me happened last week. Want to trade circumstances?
Why are you so concerned with somebody else’s prejudices that you felt the need to post a mild rant about it here? Are you sure there’s not a tinge of smug moral superiority in your thoughts? Maybe I’m reading it incorrectly, but that’s how your post sounded to me.
Thank you for your thoughts, Joe, but that’s not where I’m coming from. I just don’t appreciate someone assuming that I share their prejudices and want to hear them use ugly racial epithets. If you life is so bad that you can’t bother to be upset about racism, then I feel sorry for YOU.
I know how you feel, TroubleAgain. I feel annoyed every time I hear my grandparents use racial epithets. I know they were raised with the attitude that it was okay and it would only cause trouble to call them on it, but it still pisses me off. Would it really be that much effort to stop using a few words? I had to grit my teeth this weekend when my grandfather rambled on about those A-rabs who attacked the Pentagon and how it wouldn’t be a bad thing if all those people-whatever the hell that means-were rounded up like the Japanese during WWII.
I too am uncomfortable when I hear people use racist and politically incorrect terms in casual conversation. My response usually depends on whether I think I will ever have to interact with that person again.
If I’m never gonna see them again, why would they care if I don’t like a certain word and why should I try to tell them.
If a co-worker says something inappropriate, I’ll first try to change the subject or use a bit of humor to diffuse the situation. If that doesn’t work I just say, I’m uncomfortable with that phrase and would appreciate it if they didn’t use it in our conversation. This works 99% of the time. People who would argue with you about “freedom of speech” or some other such bullshit should just be avoided.
If people in my home use language I find offensive I simply say that in nonemotional terms and ask them to refrain while in my home.
If my children said something derogatory they got an explanation of why it is inappropriate and usually that was enough.
You’re going to quit going to a store simply because someone used the “N” word? Damn. I hear that word tossed around all the time. And not a white person has said it, either in 90% of the cases.
Not to tred on the moral superiority here, but how about a polite, but deadpan “Thanks.” I’ve never had a problems getting people to clean up language with a simple stare.
I know how it feels to have someone you love spouting ugly sentiments…my dad has taken advantage of last week’s events to embroider his grand conspiracy theory of all the non-white people in the universe vs. him (in 50 years time all the white people will be in a concentration camp and then I will realise that he was right :rolleyes: )
Apparantly all the Pakistani immigrants in this country (UK) are personally responsible for the WTC attack. And he keeps saying things like “shoot all the muslims” and “it’s in their religion to hate white people”, I try to tell him the truth but he won’t have it. You really can’t argue with my Dad, you tell him the facts and he just ignores them, it dosen’t help that he is very elderly now and I honestly think his mind might be going…I think hatred of people who aren’t him is the only thing keeping him going. He also dislikes Irish people and his own family is Irish on both sides…
The point is that a word is not one of the many horror-worthy things life can throw at you. I feel distaste at racism, but I also don’t like artificially exaggerated sensitivity towards racism. We don’t need to hear a sob story of how horrified and emotionally scarred you were because you heard somebody say [sub]looks around…sees nobody looking…[/sub] “the N-word”. It would have been more genuine had you just said “I really don’t like the N-word” without the surrounding melodrama.
My sister emailed me a “joke” (and I use the term loosely) about nuking Afghanistan. I’m with Trouble, it can be horrifying to be broadsided with this kind of crap, especially when it’s from a person you’ve had a nice relationship with in the past.
I managed to send a moderate reply to my sister, and she shot back an “apology” in which she basically called me a pinko pseudo-intellectual peacenik. I bit my tongue, and, happily, a more sincere apology followed. It was very troubling, though.
You know, Joe Cool, Troubleagain has every right to feel discomfort about the situation s/he described. Even if it isn’t the absolute worst problem this world has, s/he is still entitled to an opinion (as are you.)
For everyone else reading, I agree with Troubleagain. . . I don’t like hearing people say hateful things, either. (It’s fresh in my mind because I had the misfortune of listening to a homophobe go on at length this weekend.)
TroubleAgain does not have an artificial bone in her body. She is a caring, loving person who is hurt and dismayed by derogatory, racist and predjudiced comments.
TroubleAgain, I’m with you. I grew up in the south well before the civil rights movement. I grew to hate the N-word. As I got older, I hated the words associated with other groups.
I don’t get angry easily, but when a kid of mine lost control enough to use the N-word where I could hear it, they knew they had riled me.
A Pakistani shop keeper was killed here in Dallas. He had $500 in the open that was not taken. Best guess of why he was killed? He wore a turban.
If the use of the word “horrified” upsets Joe_Cool, I feel sorry for him and anyone else that doesn’t find racism horrifying.
In other words, “don’t you have more important things to worry about?” While I understand Joe_Cool’s attempt at (or plea for) perspective, I don’t agree. It is not that there are not more immediate concerns, certainly there are. But, no, really, there isn’t anything more important than taking the time to be aware of what you say and how you say it, and the effects of both.
How else can we, as individuals, make changes in this world for the long term, if not by standing up for our principles, however small they may seem to others?
I didn’t think that the tone of the OP was “I am offended by racism!”, but rather “Why do people feel they can use racial epithets in casual conversation?”
It bothers me, too. Some people use racial slurs because they want to use powerful language in their speech that closely mirrors what the anger they are thinking. Some people, I’ve come to realize, actually think that racial slurs are acceptable synonyms for people who look a certain way: I’ve had conversations like this:
“So, do you teach a lot of ni***rs?”
“Excuse me?” (More of a “I obviously misheard you” than an “Oh-no-you-didn’t”)
“So, do you teach a lot of blacks?”
There was no anger in his tone, no “I hate this” or “These people are ruining that” or “I can’t believe that they get to…”. It was just tossed in so casually. That’s what bothers me the most, I guess.
Thanks for the support, guys (Scotti, once again you prove how wonderful you are.)
I feel like I didn’t express myself very well yesterday, probably because I was still upset. Let me clarify.
I am horrified when people use racial epithets in conversation to me for two reasons.
1.) One is because racism itself upsets me greatly. Yes, maybe there are more immediate issues, but a lot of them would not exist without racial/religious prejudice. Think about it, please.
2.) The person who is using those racial epithets around me either assume that I agree with them, which I have a really hard time imagining, or they have no respect for anyone’s feelings, regardless of race! And that upsets me on all sorts of levels.
Is that a little more clear? Does that make me a little less “morally superior”?? If it doesn’t, I don’t care. I only started this thread because I needed to work out my own emotions about why these situations upset me so much. I guess the way I expressed it didn’t come out the way I meant it to, but Joe_Cool and Saint Zero, I am entitled to react as emotionally as I wish to things that I find ugly in this world, while you have the right to assume that I think I’m better than everyone else or else just a hysterical idiot.
Also for the record, the reason the old man upset me so badly by using that word is that I really thought he was just such a sweet old man, and it shocked me to the core to find out what kind of ugliness he was harboring inside.
Moderator’s Notes: As always, racism is a charged and emotional topic. I’d like to ask that everyone please carefully consider their comments when posting to this thread. I’ll be checking in frequently while I consider moving this to another forum. Thanks.
My point was simply the “N” word doesn’t possess the negative connotations for me that some have for it. I’ve heard it all my life, and used by both races. I know some are offended by it’s use, while others aren’t for one reason or another.
Saint Zero, I really think this post is a perfect illustration of TroubleAgain’s OP. (Please note that I am not criticizing YOU, but examining the statement above.) People are desensitized to words precisely because they’ve been exposed to them so frequently that they no longer inspire an emotional reaction. Casual use of any word makes that word have less impact. Over time, outrage turns to indifference, which can turn into passive acceptance of what, when examined truly, is simple hate.
Speaking only for myself, I choose not to ignore any such casual use, because I think we should not become desensitized to hatred. I do not welcome hatred into my life by passive acceptance thereof.
Saint Zero, while I agree it’s fairly easy to ignore a word that’s used repeatedly, I can’t be so casual about that one. See, I was raised (and still live) in the rural south, where that word is used way to frequently in a very negative way, a way which indicates that the speaker hates those to whom they are applying that word. It isn’t casual use between two black people using that word that bothers me, because it doesn’t mean the same thing (usually) that it does when a white person uses it. I grew up hearing my father and grandfather use that word frequently. Of course, I loved them (and still do…miss my grandpa badly :(), but I try really hard not to let myself carry on their attitude. When I do find myself thinking a racist thought ('cause I ain’t perfect), you can bet I squash it down like I would any shameful thought. Maybe that’ll help you see why that word bothers me so much? Because I’ve had to fight to not allow myself to think the things they said all my life? I’m sorry, but I really do find it hard to ignore for those reasons and more.
I don’t suppose I’m making any sense here…::sigh:: I’m tired and this is a very emotional subject for me as you can maybe tell…
