Just because we’re both white, doesn’t mean that you’re safe from getting a lecture from me…
Since my damn cat just walked on my laptop, I have to make this post short to get past the edit window.
Grrr…
To sum up. You can’t escape white people who use this word if you’re me. Even some family say it.
I thought nachos was predominately a Mexican American word, not a whitey word.
I haven’t had that particular word used in front of me in that kind of style of “it’s just us whites here”, but I’ve had both “paki” and “darkie” used in front of me in that way before. Likewise family, in some cases. To my shame I wasn’t confident enough to take them to task for it.
Does anyone else have to deal with this?
Even from friends and relatives?
I’ve never hear “paki” before.
Yes. It usually involves lots of alcohol.
I always cringe like I just had a bad pain. 
Yeah, and it’s such a shame too. I have “old white guy” bar friends that use this word quite freely at the neighborhood bar I go to.
But when one of the black regulars come in, these same white guys that were slinging that word around everywhere, saddle up next to the black guy and carry on like they’re the best of friends.
And what’s weird is, they don’t seem to be disingenuous. You really do get the sense that these two people are friends. They help each other move, they drive each other home when one of them is too drunk to drive, etc…
I really just don’t get why they feel they have to use that word.
I was in the military, so I heard racial slurs all the time. Closer to home, both my brother and my brother-in-law are racist assholes; many were the holiday dinners ruined by the latter.
My racist uncle justifies it by saying, 'There’s white trash, and there’s black trash". I say to him, “Why do you feel the need to separate your trash?”
Recycling?
That’s more a British term; it’s use is not common in the US, in my experience.
Just speculating here, but people continuing to use the N word, when pretty much everyone has to be aware that it is generally considered deeply offensive, seems to be self-justified more or less as an act of protest against “political correctness”, which for some bizarre, unarticulated reason, some people seem to think is one of the principal threats to our society. Or, perhaps more directly, “I’m too lazy to change my ways, and why should I consider modifying my behavior for a bunch of PC assholes, especially if they’re not even members of the group I’m referring to?”
I’m lucky enough that I haven’t heard anyone use the N-word in front of me in quite some time. On the rare occasions I hear something racist in conversation, usually it’s along the lines of a lowered voice, a raised eyebrow, and “those people”, or something similar.
They probably think their black friends are “the good ones”. The only real difference between that attitude and a non-racist attitude is one of degree. A non-racist assumes that poor character, etc. is evenly distributed among the races. Your guys, OTOH, assume a higher proportion of (whatever bad tendency they dislike) among black people. They clearly don’t think it’s absolute, though.
Only once from a family member.
Not from friends. I don’t hang around with racist asshats.
I have.
Which is why when I moved to Massachusetts and somebody said they were “going to the packie”, I was very, very confused.
I am actually quite surprised that when I think of it, I do not hear that word from any white people I know. Or even white people I don’t know (like uh, hairdressers or store clerks or something).
Not that I don’t hear disparaging remarks about non-white people. You know - “those people” or “Canadians” (really!) or even just “black people are so…”
White people are the worst.
I hear it in 2 places. The local watering hole; spoken by the weekend warrior Harley types, they just assume it’s an agreed upon thing.
And at a dear friend’s Holiday gathering. He and his family are like my family to me, so this is a tougher one. His sister is flat out racist, and seems to gleefully drop in the N word just to see the reaction. I’ve called her out on this, and it makes for quite an uneasy time.
I haven’t heard the word IRL since 1980. No one I interact with ever uses it, at least not in my presence. Even the assholes.
It’s not a regular thing for me. My family to extended family don’t use it. The few times someone has said it in front of me, they were taken to task for it and it was never repeated. Not around me, anyway. I also tended to avoid those people whenever I could once they revealed their racism. In the last 15 years or so, the only people I’ve seen say it, and not in conversations with me, just generally in public and/or singing with music, have been black themselves.
I’m sorry this was such a shitty thread to start with. Quite often I start writing threads on these message boards and I don’t even post them for one reason or another. Usually it’s because when I go back and read what I’ve typed so far, I see it’s a jumbled mess, and I just don’t even bother putting it out there for Dopers to read.
It is sort of therapeutic, even when I don’t post a thread I’ve written out. It’s sort of like writing your ex girlfriend or boyfriend a long letter, without the intent on sending it.
I’m not sure if what I was about to write in the OP would have made the grade for me to send it out. Garby, my cat who wont stay off my fucking keyboard, made sure I sent it though.
I had a friend I recently “dumped”. I wrote about it IMHO. I don’t want to share a link to that thread because it’s dead, and I really don’t want to start writing about the situation again. I took people’s advice and I stopped talking to him. If you’re that curious, I’m sure you can find it… but hopefully no one posts there because I’m done talking about it.
One of the final ‘nails in the coffin’ of our friendship with this guy was his use of the word “nigger”.
I have to admit though, I’ve had other friends use the word as well. Friends that I didn’t “dump” because, to be honest, I can use all the friends I can get at this point. They are people that would normally get along with other people of different races, but if it’s just a group of white guys, they have no qualms about using racial slurs.
I live near Buffalo. I wouldn’t think there would be so many people around here that are prejudice. Perhaps one of the reasons why the friends that I have do use those words is because a lot of them grew up in poor neighborhoods, and there experiences with people of different backgrounds and races are generally not good. But then I think to myself; “I’m currently poor”. I’ve had black people steal money from me, steal my smart phone, and some other things I don’t want to get into. I don’t judge them by their ethnicity though, they are poor and could’ve very well been white. They are scum, but white people are just as capable of being scum too.
I don’t mind if you’re singing along to Snoop and use the word. Or if you’re reading “The Color Purple” and use the word. I used the word in this post… but just as a reference. Other than those circumstances, it’s not cool to use that word, or any other racial slur, in front of me.
One time I had a friend use it while I was pursing an African American woman on a dating site. Right after he said it, I said; “Hey, check out this beautiful young lady I’m talking to online.” You could tell he was embraced.
BTW. It’s still ok to say “black”, right? Not all blacks are African, so… I hope I didn’t say anything ignorant in this post.
Thanks for reading.