Why do you hate me?

[carnut]

Maybe I’d like you better if you weren’t always asking about what I don’t like about you.

Pest.

[Happy_Lendervedder]

Cowards, all of you. Tell me why you *really *hate me.

Do I have to remind you that I masturbate to pictures of the Queen? And not the famous one-- Beatrix.

[Digital_is_the_new_Analog]

I hate you because of that time you left the Dope for like, five minutes, and didn’t tell anyone you were going to be gone!

[carnut]

See? You’re a pest.

[dexter]

@Digital_is_the_new_Analog

I hate you because of that time you left the Dope for like, five minutes, and didn’t tell anyone you were going to be gone!

Really? I hate him much more for having returned without warning. That, and the “that day” thing. :rolleyes:

[TriPolar]

@Happy_Lendervedder

Do I have to remind you that I masturbate to pictures of the Queen? And not the famous one-- Beatrix.

Oh. Well now I’m starting to like you even more.

[gigi]

I can’t believe you have to ask. Well, if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.

[Chefguy]

@digs

Indeed, I much prefer the people that go blithely through life, not caring one whit why I stare at them with the smoldering embers of Dante’s Second Level of Hell, imagining them hit by a runaway ice cream truck, their milquetoast physiques impaled by a hundred popsicle sticks in the twisted wreckage while the flames of unleaded gasoline mix with their lifeblood and melted red, white and blue Bomb-Pops, as I jump to my feet, laughing like a drunken hyena while tipping over my plateful of their worchestershire-marinated entrails and a insolent little Merlot from Argentina, and maniacally grabbing passers-by singing “You’re next, you’re next/Oh be not thou much vexed…” in a falsetto that’d make Freddie Mercury sound like Barry White and scaring the neighborhood urchins who are the only ones that see through my Hugh Beaumont-esque demeanor and glimpse the kind of apocolyptic hatred reserved for those who start self-absorbed internet discussions… and Oprah.

I hate your font.

[Chicken_Fingers]

Too much accordion!

[ThisSpaceForRent]

@Chicken_Fingers

Too much accordion!

There is no such thing as too much accordian…or Banjo!

tsfr

[Cat_Whisperer]

I hate you because of your white-framed douche sunglasses, your little douche hat, your stupid tribal tatts, and your Ed Hardy clothes. And pull your damned pants up.

[panaccione]

I hate you cause I can’t conquer you.

[Wile_E]

I’m pretty sure it was you that posted that thread that has haunted me to this day. You know the one.

[QuickSilver]

Because of your craven attention whoring. Even for the negative kind.

Wait, what??.. not a serious question?.. still, best that he knows now.

[Happy_Lendervedder]

@IvoryTowerDenizen

I don’t hate you, but I could learn how.

Don’t strain yourself.

@dexter

Do you remember that day? Yeah, that day. Well, I do. The things that you did and said that day couldn’t be forgiven by Gandhi himself. If I were to watch you roast in hell for a thousand years, it wouldn’t be enough.
And as if that wasn’t enough, I know that you look back on that day with fond reminiscence. What kind of sickness is that? You are a walking commercial for abortion advocacy. That day, the day that only you and I know about, is the reason I hate you.

Is that strong enough?

You had me til that shit-eating grin.

@flatlined

You hang your toilet paper the wrong way.

I’ll take it.

@MichaelEmouse

1. I hate you because I don’t know what your name means.

2. I hate you because, according to the SDMB gallery, you hold your beer with your pinky finger out.

3. I hate you because according to the same source, you have a polka dot short sleeve shirt and a brown t-shirt with a bad sexual pun on it.
   But I’m sure you’re a lovely person.

These are pretty good. I salute you.

@Princhester

I hate you because your orange beard clashes with my red tie, and we live in the same world. Imagine the faux pas people will think I’ve committed when they realise this.

I can see why that would be a problem.

@Hello_Again

I hate you because you swept the Tony awards with your one man show about the childhood of William Howard Taft.

Ah yes, “Big Lub Goes Bananas.” That was a real shit-stain, but the Broadway League just ate it up.

@don_t_ask

I only hate you because you are the kind of person who needs to know why I hate you.

Please tell me more about why you hate me.

@TriPolar

Hate is too strong a word. Do I dislike you? Yes. Do you disgust me? Yes. Am I offended by your existence on this planet, or any other planet or stellar body? Yes. Would I rather die a slow, horrible death than be in your presence? Yes. But hate you, of course not, that would be unfriendly.

Why do I disgust you? Go into obscene detail.

@digs

Indeed, I much prefer the people that go blithely through life, not caring one whit why I stare at them with the smoldering embers of Dante’s Second Level of Hell, imagining them hit by a runaway ice cream truck, their milquetoast physiques impaled by a hundred popsicle sticks in the twisted wreckage while the flames of unleaded gasoline mix with their lifeblood and melted red, white and blue Bomb-Pops, as I jump to my feet, laughing like a drunken hyena while tipping over my plateful of their worchestershire-marinated entrails and a insolent little Merlot from Argentina, and maniacally grabbing passers-by singing “You’re next, you’re next/Oh be not thou much vexed…” in a falsetto that’d make Freddie Mercury sound like Barry White and scaring the neighborhood urchins who are the only ones that see through my Hugh Beaumont-esque demeanor and glimpse the kind of apocolyptic hatred reserved for those who start self-absorbed internet discussions… and Oprah.

Suck it up. Why do you hate me?

@El_Kabong

I hate your for constantly rubbing your happiness in everyone’s face.

That, and because, knowing what I know now, I can never drink from a mall fountain again.

Ah, good. A new reason to hate me.

@carnut

Maybe I’d like you better if you weren’t always asking about what I don’t like about you.

Pest.

Try again. This will never make the book.

@Digital_is_the_new_Analog

I hate you because of that time you left the Dope for like, five minutes, and didn’t tell anyone you were going to be gone!

Well, you drove me to it.

@dexter

Really? I hate him much more for having returned without warning. That, and the “that day” thing. :rolleyes:

Ah yes, I remember it well.

@TriPolar

Oh. Well now I’m starting to like you even more.

Take it to another thread.

@gigi

I can’t believe you have to ask. Well, if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.

Your loss. I was going to name names in my book.

@Chicken_Fingers

Too much accordion!

Good one. And I’m not at all being sarcastic.

@Cat_Whisperer

I hate you because of your white-framed douche sunglasses, your little douche hat, your stupid tribal tatts, and your Ed Hardy clothes. And pull your damned pants up.

Nice. And I am totally being sarcastic. But you’ve made the book.

@Tupac

I hate you cause I can’t conquer you.

Wonderful. And I’m not sure if that’s sarcastic or not. But you’ve made the book.

@Wile_E

I’m pretty sure it was you that posted that thread that has haunted me to this day. You know the one.

Yep.

@QuickSilver

Because of your craven attention whoring. Even for the negative kind.

Wait, what??.. not a serious question?.. still, best that he knows now.

This probably won’t make the book. Maybe you could post some more stuff about me, and do an itemized list, with one item per post.

[Nzinga_Seated]

@digs

Indeed, I much prefer the people that go blithely through life, not caring one whit why I stare at them with the smoldering embers of Dante’s Second Level of Hell, imagining them hit by a runaway ice cream truck, their milquetoast physiques impaled by a hundred popsicle sticks in the twisted wreckage while the flames of unleaded gasoline mix with their lifeblood and melted red, white and blue Bomb-Pops, as I jump to my feet, laughing like a drunken hyena while tipping over my plateful of their worchestershire-marinated entrails and a insolent little Merlot from Argentina, and maniacally grabbing passers-by singing “You’re next, you’re next/Oh be not thou much vexed…” in a falsetto that’d make Freddie Mercury sound like Barry White and scaring the neighborhood urchins who are the only ones that see through my Hugh Beaumont-esque demeanor and glimpse the kind of apocolyptic hatred reserved for those who start self-absorbed internet discussions… and Oprah.

You are insane. I love it.

I hate Happy for setting me up in Bolivia and allowing Javier to cut my belly open to get the three kilos of fishscale grade bricks we had hidden there. You never came back. You dirty double crosser.

[LavenderBlue]

You declawed your cat and circumcized your son. We all voted. You’re not allowed near sharp things ever again.

[ioioio]

I hate you because you invited everyone in second grade to your stupid birthday party except me. That really hurt, dude.

[YogSothoth]

Because you destroyed the small village where I’m from and stole the sacred crystal that protects us

[cochrane]

I hate you because that one time I needed to borrow Eddie Vedder, you had already lent him to someone else.