For me, there’s a quantum issue here, which is that the depressed person is ‘irrational’ for being depressed. Some people have damn good reasons to be depressed.
As others have noted, telling me to just “cheer up” sidesteps the whole issue. As I posted one coworker told me to do this right after I filed for divorce. She didn’t know that—she just assumed I was stressed because grades were due or I had a flat tire or any of a zillion little things that can happen in life. She probably thought, ‘He’s always down about something,’ and in a way, she was right because my marriage had been going down the toilet for quite some time. I hadn’t confided that in her, either.
There’s no doubt that some people are drama kings and queens, bummed out because they got a microscopic scratch on their new Mercedes. And there are people who deal with shit you can’t imagine, but who somehow rise above it and refuse to surrender their smile. It’s impossible to tell, at first blush, what kinds of coping mechanisms or support these people have, how severe their problems are, and so on.
A better approach to use with a person like me is to say, “You seem down. Everything okay? Feel like talking? I sure hope things improve for you.” For others, if you say, “Hey, c’mon, it can’t be that bad,” people may respond well.
Yes, you might be right. Maybe I do couch it in self-deprecatory terms when I’m feeling especially depressed, to imply there’s something unsavory in my character causing it to happen. I’ll think about that one.
Well, I did stop it, I was just trying to provide an example of how very impermanent depression can be. Thanks to my trusty pal Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cherie Huber’s ‘‘The Depression Book: Depression as an Opportunity for Spiritual Growth’’ (which features, among other things, a stick figure running around with his hair on fire) I was able to accept it and let it go.
Or maybe I could just glower at the irony. It would be like… meta-irony.
Good. I’m glad that you have the skills to get past it and move on. I think you’re awfully cool – I think the entire board does – and it’s a bit disturbing to think of you having those kinds of thoughts.
