Never really thought about it to the level you did, and I’m grateful for that.
This is the sort of quality thread that keeps me coming back to the Dope. The thread on poverty’s pretty good too, but this, this is utterly unique. First rate, Grade A nuttery right here.
Meh. First rate nuttery requires that the OP return and defend their insanity, even escalate it. So far the OP has laid this big old cow flop down and apparently walked away.
I really want the OP to return. This has the makings of a really entertaining thread.
I’v been nervously tugging on my nose all day since opening this thread, and now it’s 18 inches long.
Don’t let this happen to you, my friends.
I wouldn’t completely write off the OP just yet. I myself do have at least one body part that grows bigger if I tug on it.
Most guys don’t have 18 ft long penises, so ipso facto tugging on something doesn’t make it longer. 
John, its very rare that you and I agree but we both agree that ending this nonsense is important.
Can we agree to a bi-partisan coalition to de-fund this idiotic “Willie Loman” school of higher education…?
According to the OP, rubbing certain body parts makes other body parts SHORTER.
But that’s only true if you’re this guy.
The OP isn’t that guy, I’m sure.
You know what they say. Big hands, big feet, eroded jaw.
It’s not even *non *factual.
You can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig. Some kids are just pigs. You can’t somehow learn’em to be show ponies.
The picture linked in the OP of that thread is the blockiest, most jugheaded person I’ve ever seen. He’s both beautiful and frightening.
Yes, it’s the same principle, and it’s true, sleeping position is critical to good looks. I understood this long ago, and my role model for beauty sleep is the common brown bat, wherein I sleep hanging upside down from the rafters with my head pointing straight down. This has not only given me enviably symmetrical features, but an enormous brain so large that it’s coming out of my ear holes, and a full head of naturally curly hair that has now overgrown my entire forehead. I also have enormous bulging eyeballs and the ability to catch flying insects just by scratching the back of my head, which causes my tongue to dart out like a heat-seeking missile and snag anything within a ten-foot radius. I suggest you consider this carefully before scoffing at the OP’s common-sense beauty suggestions.
Whew. That turn into satire lane came just in time. I was staring to feel like I was in a horror show instead of a comedy.
To follow on msmith537’s comment, how about those kids who just don’t have any good looks to begin with? (sorry, parent: some of your children were born homely and stayed that way and that’s on your genetics…)
Sorry to tell you this now, but your mother, Og bless her soul, was telling you all this when you were a kid just so you would not fidget with your hands on your face, for cleanliness reasons. It’s OK, she meant well.
I think there’s another lesson that’s just as important that we all learn:
Ummm, could I have your phone number?? I mean, it’s for a friend or…something :D:p
There must be a way to mix the OP in with a song from Handsome Boy Modeling School.