I want mine to be fed butter… clarified butter, lots of it.
A good book - Uncommon Carriers by John McPhee - has a chapter on UPS called ‘Out in The Sort’ (which can also be found on the New Yorker website, as it was originally an article there). The chapter starts with a discussion of a seafood company that sells fresh lobster year round - and ships it world wide with UPS.
Nothing in there about actually FEEDING the things, that I remember (not going to re-read the whole thing now 
) Interesting that most of the lobsters that are ‘over-nighted’ to your local restaurant may have actually been caught weeks or months earlier, stored in a warehouse in Canada, TRUCKED to the UPS Hub in Louisville Kentucky, placed in ANOTHER warehouse like the one described above, where they rest for a period of time before being shipped out to destinations all over the world (and the Nova Scotia company actually sells to restaurants in Maine).
While I’m not an expert on lobster biology, I think it’s worth pointing out that the vast majority of Earth’s critter population is not accustomed to the human-standard three meals per day. Cold-blooded animals in particular can often go days or weeks between meals. Reptiles can famously go even longer, depending on the situation. I wouldn’t imagine that a day or two without food would constitute cruel or unusual punishment in lobster law, if such a thing existed.
Or you could just take the bands off and hold an all-lobster gladiatorial display. Losers get served, with butter.
I think we’ve had this thread before, but: are you sure it’s more humane? They don’t have brains in the same way that we do, and there’s no guarantee that you are killing instantly.
You want to eat the loser? His puny flesh will make you weak. Make the winner more expensive, maybe after several contests.
How interesting are lobster fights anyway? They eat mantis shrimp in some parts of the world, they would make interesting combat. And they have some with different weapons, so you could recreate caestus v. retiarii/hoplomachus.
They need to play that kirk vs spock gladitorial fight music too.
And I agree I don’t want to eat some puny loser. I want to eat a Champion lobster, that has the succulence of Lobster ^10! 
And no, dont feed the whole pig to lobsters, I dont want to bite into a lobster claw and end up tasting snout. They get hickory smoked bacon, pulled pork, carnitas, and pork sausage. But no snout!
You’re all over-thinking it. I’m guessing they don’t feed the lobsters because they just don’t have to.
Good thread, though.
I think he’s correct, but it’s kind of complicated. It’s all explained pretty clearly in “Consider the Lobster” by David Foster Wallace.
That’s how I was taught to kill them anyway. It seemed to work. They stopped moving. Then you snip the face off.
My maternal grandfather was a Cajun chef in Louisiana, and was kind of a character. A Naval vet of WWII, survivor of both Normandy and the Pacific theater, drinker, crusty ne’er do well and amazing cook. He told me a story once about working as a chef on an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico. He was making frog legs. He had a passel of live frogs. He was out on the deck somewhere, chopping the legs off the live frogs, dropping the legs in a bucket and tossing the remainder of the legless, still living frogs on the deck. He said a woman who worked on the rig in some kind of adminstrative capacity or something (I don’t remember exactly what, this is a story I heard 30 years ago) saw the hapless frogs flopping around on the deck and got very upset. He said he thought she must have been bothered by the mess the frogs were making on the deck, so he started scooping them up with a shovel and tossing them overboard, off the rig and into the water, where they, of course, sank and drowned. Instead of alleviating this woman’s distress it only made her more upset. My grandfather told this story with a sort of puzzlement, as though he didn’t understand what she was upset about. To him, those frogs might as well have been crusts of bead or apple cores. They were refuse, food waste. He cleared them off the deck, so what was she so upset about?
In 1968 Boy Scout Camp Dissection involved partially gutting the frogs then letting them drag their innards through the dirt, laughing, before putting them out of their misery.
In 1965 it involved cramming broomstraws up the butts of 17-year locusts and laughing as they played helicopter. Or filling a lunch bag with them, tossing it on the campfire, and laughing as they escaped but their wings burned off and they fell back in the fire.
It was a lesson in how one can be, versus how one should be. Some of us are better people than we once were.
The Crustastun is a device that kills lobsters humanely (via electric shock). They are getting popular with resturants in the UK, and are better than the japanese method where the tail shell is ripped off the living crustacean and the tail meat sliced of the still living creature.
Si
I like the Kirk v. Spock gladitorial music. Definitely a must-have. Plus big-screen TVs so everyone can see the action.
How about this - you can order up either the winner or the loser, customer’s choice, but the winner costs considerably more per pound (the loser’s price goes down), and the more fights the winner wins, the higher the price per pound?
My take on the gladiator theme is this.
I want to eat the winner.
But only after he has killed and eaten all the inferior lobsters he has defeated in battle. That way I’m getting badass ass-kicking lobster stuffed with plain ole lobster. With butter.
Unfortunately, lobster gladiatorial events aren’t nearly as exciting as you’d think. I’ve staged a few, and in general the smaller lobster runs away like a Frenchman (or Ferengi if you prefer), while the winner takes a slow victory lap then returns to his hole.
I guess my plan to equip them with tiny nets and tridents is right out. 
Way back in time-- so far back Mayor Guliani’s wife had a show on the network, I was watching The Food Channel. An Asian chef was preparing sushi. He took a live fish, stuck it’s head on a shallow plate with less than an inch of water in it., propped up its tail with a bamboo chopstick like device and proceeded to slice thin pieces of of it while it’s tale flopped slowly from side to side.
I, who think it’s silly to feel sorry for not feeding lobsters that are going to get eaten in a few hours, found that fresh sushi to be. . . shudder inducing.
And it lets you squeeze out the guts before cooking. Vastly improves the flavor of the end result. That said, I bought live soft shell crabs once and killing them was one of the most horrifying things I’ve done (yes, I have lived a reasonably boring existence!). I now have the fishmonger kill & clean them before I take them home. I am assuming s/he is desensitized to it by now. 
Ummm…oysters are scrapped off the bed with a big-ass rake and thrown in a bucket. They aren’t kept alive and they damn sure aren’t fed anything. I’m not even sure how the hell you would feed an oyster corn meal other than just mixing it in the water.
On the other hand, if you live down here, there used to be a place called Posey’s where you could eat oyster in the afternoon that had been in the Bay* that morning. Best ever. They had a boat dock out back and the oysters were delivered straight there. Back in the '70s, one of the women who worked there was the “World Champion” oyster shucker and could shuck faster than one man could eat. Saw her do it several times. She would shuck 4 (or maybe 6) oysters, then you were allowed to start. If she got a dozen uneaten shucked oysters on the counter before the end of the bucket, you paid. If she ran out of oysters, the bucket was free. Never saw, nor heard of her having to pay. At the time I last saw her, she had to be pushing 70, but was still as quick as ever.
Finally on the oyster front, the Bay had been closed for a couple of years now (fucking Atlanta keeps stealing our water). The reopened this year and holy crap were those some big-ass sweet oysters. Good times!
*I suppose I should clarify. I mean Apalachicola Bay, the undisputed oyster capital of the world.
This thread makes me at once drool and grimace.
It’s not a pretty sight.
Are you sure about that alive part?