Why don't we just nuke Jerusalem???

The BBQ Pit
1

When my kids fight over a toy, it goes on top of the fridge. I think we should use a similar tactic with the Middle East peace summit.

"Barak, Arafat - You won’t compromise about Jerusalem? And your children and grandchildren will live in fear of being killed every freakin’ day of their lives because neither of you will BUDGE?! Extremists are threatening to to pull a Sadat on either leader who gives up any concessions about Jerusalem.

Enough already. If you can’t agree on it, then we’ll nuke it.

KABLOOEY!

Then they wouldn’t have anything left to fight about, would they? All over a pile of sand. Holy land my ass. I’m sure this pile of sand really matters to God/Allah.

2
  • That, * was a work of beauty…
3

The A-rabs want to lance the Jewish abscess in the Middle East.

Israei, in comparison, has no territorial designs on its A-rab neighbors.

The Israeli armies in the Yom Kippur War could have marched right into Damascus and Cairo.

I think the A-rabs just oughta be glad the Israelis allowed them to remain non-glowing neighbors.

4

Umm, A-rabs are guys who come around selling fruits and vegetables on horse-drawn carts. We have a bunch of them around B-more…
[/nitpick]

5

Or we could just put up 1000 miles of fence around the whole mess and let them slug it out amongst themselves. Anytime there is a lull in the action we toss in more weapons and take cover. After awhile, the most holy group will win.

6

Compare from twenty years ago. The peace process is going pretty well. It’s hard.

7

Hey! I like it! We nuke Jerusalem, then declare Judaism, Christianity, and Islam and all attendant Western theological sects to be off-limits FOREVER!

Okay, Abdul! Hindu or Buddhist, your pick. Choose NOW!

8

Nuke Jerusalem?

Haven’t been keeping up with Hal’s books, have you?

9

If Jerusalem was nuked people would fight over ashes.

10

Cool, so instead of solving the problem, we’re going to create a bigger one. I see the Arabs/Isrealites declaring holy way against us. Think terrorism is bad now? :smiley:

11

Yeah, I’d hate to see an embargo on knishes, rugulach, challah, etc. (Seriously!)

12

Nuke EVERYBODY!!!

Yer pal,
Satan

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13

Hey, t would finally get the Jews and Arabs together. They could all band together and start killing Americans as a unit. It would be beautiful. Brings a tear to my eye. Kinda like when rival gangs declare a truce.

14

If we nuke it, the atomic glass in Syria will still hate the atomic glass in Israel.

15

Pundit’s got a good idea…just needs a twist.

You plant a nuke in Jerusalem with a timer and allow, say, a week, for everyone to shut the fuck-up and come-up with a resolution. If they can’t then the problem solves itself.

The thousand mile fence idea is one I like as well. Jerusalem could become a kind of Thunderdome. You know…two men enter…one man leaves sort of thing except it’ll be 200,000 men enter, no one leaves. They can stay in there indefinitely beating the snot out of each other.

I know the real problem is difficult but when 99% of Arabs and Israelis probably just want to get on with the farming and saying a prayer that suits them now and again without worrying about a bullet in the night or a bomb on the street. It makes their leader’s bickering sound more and more like bullshit.

16

Think of the possibilities, though. Not only do we solve the problem, but we get first-rate television excitement!!!

Maybe they should just settle it with a good old water balloon fight. Or dodge ball.

17

Sigh, if only the Jews and Arabs weren’t so damn religious, they could solve this like real men.

Steps to peace:

  1. Arafat and Barak agree to another peace summit in the States

  2. This summit will be held at The Beer Bar, 43rd and Vanderbilt in New York City (if my memory serves).

  3. Each party will commence drinking at the same time.

  4. The last guy who can successfuly drop a quarter in a shot glass from two feet away gets Jurusalem.

Easy, no?

18

Hell, while we’re at it, let’s nuke Northern Ireland. Or give them one week to have a potluck dinner, shake hands, and make peace. Otherwise, BOOM! :slight_smile:

19

Or better yet:
Tag team.
N Ireland Protestants/Catholics vs Middle East Jewish/Palestineans

Obviously, the team that finds a way to settle their differences first whips their mutual enemy into the ground.

And they get a neat belt for it!

20

I think we should nuke Utah and sell New Jersey.