Not forgetting to mention that we didn’t notice the skid marks until we began to wear white clothing!!
When and why did humans start wiping?
A link to Cecil’s column is appreciated so everyone can follow along.
It’s time to wipe your butt SLIDING DOWN BUTT HILL!
Why do humans wipe their butts? Well, none of the animals will do it for us. Although didn’t Gargantua tell his old man that he’d found after intensive research that the soft neck of a goose was the best way to wipe one’s arse? And I wouldn’t put it past my Labrador to lick me clean if he had the chance. That dog will stick his tongue in anything and everything!
A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump side by side. “Say, brother Rabbit,” the bear asked, “Does shit ever stick to your fur?” “Why, no,” the rabbit replied. “Good,” said the bear, grabbed him, and wiped his ass.
You know, that joke has never made any sense to me. If shit doesn’t stick to the rabbit, what good would wiping with it do?
I always thought the rabbit said “yes.” Otherwise, you are correct, it makes no sense.
He told the joke wrong. The bear said, “Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?” The rabbit replied, “No.” So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. No problem.
<Makes memo not to rattle off jokes in column threads.>
When I was pregnant I used to wonder how really fat people wipe their asses, 'cause it was starting to get difficult toward the end. My husband had to tie my shoes for me, but I wasn’t about to ask him to wipe my butt. I did some Googling, and found out that there is a stick with a toilet paper grabber on the end that is intended for people with limited range of motion, or short limbs, but also works for really fat people. I never needed the stick, but I felt better knowing it was out there.
When my son went on mountain Outward Bound he learned, during orientation, that toilet paper was not to be used. There were other methods. Stones, I don’t know…three shells? But at any rate, no TP. They were supposed to dig a cathole. He thought this might be a problem, possibly even a dealbreaker for the girls on the team. But apparently, it wasn’t. The pants/boxers weren’t the worst laundry problem on return. (The socks, oh my god. The socks.)
The seminal work on the subject:
If a bear didn’t write it, I’m not buyin’ it.
When I was on Outward Bound’s Ski Mountaineering course in the Rockies in March they told us to use snowballs. That worked about as well as the two words “snow” and “balls” go together. So near the end of our week-long climbing trip when we knew exactly how to get back to base camp I used the map.