Why I Hate People Reason No. 72,373 (thieves*)

On Sunday, I bought a new memory foam mattress topper from Costco, to replace my current topper which has been crying from having spent several years under my girth. Looking at the box, I make sure I get the correct size for my bed.

Today (Monday), I pull off my sheets to wash them, expecting to replace my mattress topper. I open up the box and I see that the cover is twin-sized (or what I assume is twin-sized as it had TW on it). I’m worried, but hope it to be a screw up or weird parts numbering. I also figure the cover to my current topper is still in great condition…I can reuse that if need be.

Now, anyone who has bought memory foam mattresses or mattress toppers knows that these things can be crushed into relatively tiny vacuum packs, but once expanded there is no going back. In the store, the boxes for the king, queen, full, and twin were all the same size. More than a little worried, I gingerly remove the outer covering, knowing once it is off, it won’t get back on. As suspected, it is a twin-sized pad. I was very careful, not letting it expand too much, so I am able to wrangle it back into the box with a bit of fuss, but without the cover.

I’m fairly certain someone switched a queen and a twin to get the cheaper price. I understand that this is potentially a manufacturer’s packaging defect. I don’t believe it, because as I wrangled the new item back into the box, I noticed on the bottom of the box, upside down, an envelope which read “Read this before opening package”. I would expect this envelope to be in the box, on top of the mattress and pad, face up (assuming the manufacturer wants us to read it first, which I would not have done anyway). That is why I think that some fucking thief made my life difficult and I would wish that person to come apologize to me right before I skin him alive for wasting my time and forcing me to visit Dante’s 4th circle twice in the same quarter. May s/he or they catch slow wasting untreatable diseases with open festering wounds that won’t heal and be uninsured. Or at the very least, here is hoping that they have an infestation of 6" large bedbugs who dessicate their worthless bodies.

Sighs. Everyone pays for thieves.

I have a friend who worked in a game store, people were constantly buying games, then returning them with excuses: kid didn’t want this one, my wife already has this one, someone bought me a copy. He says the time and effort they put into shrinkwrapping empty cases probably cost more in time than the stolen game was worth. When I buy games, I will open it at the counter, in front of the clerk. Some of the words I’ve heard when I open empty cases are all most as creative as yours!