In my experience, terribly insecure people tend to be interested less in other people and more in how other people make them feel: an insecure person is a burden because they will want it to be your job to make them feel happy with themselves, something that no one person can provide for someone else on a permanent basis…
Although I may seem odd around people I’m not well acquainted with, I’m not that creepy once you get to know me. 
I just have to get people to realize that. 
Let’s not forget one important fact here: The BlackKnight always triumphs! 
Well, when I say “confidence”, what I’m really talking about is the opposite of clingy and needy. I really don’t want to end up being some guy’s constant assurance that he is smart enough, good enough, and gosh darn it, people like him. He needs to figure that out on his own.
Guys who know that are way more fun and interesting to be around. Instead of constantly reassuring them, I get to crack jokes, listen to funny stories, and maybe swap a grope or two.
“Confidence is repulsive to the shrewd manipulator. It is best that one act to expunge this vile trait from all that he meets. This is because self respect is directly linked to a desire for self determination. Spirit in an adversary is only tolerable when engaging in sport.”
-Thomas Park II, Prologue, Conducting the Rites of Illumination, 1905
“Fortunately, confidence does not breed in captivity.”
-Johnston Koch, quoted in The Records of the 252nd Council of Cologne, 1909
Manda JO, I just have to say this is one of the most profound things I’ve read about relationships. Time for me to think about how I’ve been approaching things…
No you don’t! 
This is right, I think, and I’m gonna expand on it a little to counteract the “you can fake confidence” idea a bit.
Yes, you do tend to turn into what you are pretending to be, to some extent. If you want to act as if you are confident, what do you do? You do your homework, put your best foot forward and you don’t hesitate to act when you should–in other words, you do your best and don’t worry about whether you will be perfect or look dumb–you do your best because that’s all you can do. (And if you are doing your homework and trying hard, you will find you are becoming competant–a good reason to become confident.)
Confidence, where competance is entirely lacking, however, is not that attractive. That just gets you arrogant blowhards without substance. I’d rather have a well-cooked dinner, a shoveled driveway, an impassioned speech on the importance of 17th century horticultural advancements followed by a puppy-like need for praise and assurance that the act was good and pleasing than an inedible meal with chi-chi pretensions, a drive that’s not shoveled because it was inconvenient to do so and an impassioned but entirely ignorant speech on the importance of toenail clippings. If the puppy praise isn’t needed, well, that’s a bonus–you want a partner who has the skills to help you make it through the world whether or not they get praised, but the skills themselves are still required.
Everyone is good at something, be it ever so humble–there is no need to pretend to be what you are not. Let your competance at whatever that is shine. (If you are truly good at nothing, then find something you like and learn how to do it–that’s much more efficient than finding someone who will love a loser who really has no skills whatsoever.)
Confident people have a way of making others feel at ease… to feel accepted and liked and interesting. This is true whether they realize it or not.
When I think of “non-confident” people, I think of them dwelling on themselves, not looking you in the eye, never asking you any questions, etc… generally making you feel ill at ease.
This is not to say you should be cocky or arrogant!! Just hold your head up, have a smile slapped on your face and walk around like you know where the hell you’re going. You’ll maybe fool yourself into being confident.
I’m not fond of arrogant people, but a healthy dollop of self-esteem is attractive. After all, if you don’t even like yourself, why should I like you?
In my case, the guy with no confidence almost turned stalker.
I was always reassuring him that he wasn’t a jerk. Well, he actually WAS.
shudder
I still can’t think about him…he creeps me out.
It’s arguably more important for men, but self-confidence is also attractive in women. I advise my female friends who can’t “get a date” to act self-confident too.
Damn that was good…I am somewhat confident,but in certain situations I dont feel confident (I am no social butterfly by any means). But IMHO I think its something you have to put a little effort into,like say talking to a group of people. And lets say within that group is the object of your desire :eek: scary…