Also, he threatened firing squad for any of his troops to pillage, steal, or “molest” (not just a sexual connotation) the civilians of Pennsylvania when he was en-route there. He very much disbelieved in warring on civilians, and thought Sherman’s policy twas on par with Attila the Hun. His main beef with Grant was not political or military but was based on Lee’s fury that Grant wouldn’t allow Lee’s men to come and bury the dead after a battle. (Until that point it had been customary for the victors of a battle to allow the defeated to send a burial detachment to I.D. and bury their side’s dead, and said detachment would not be fired on or subject to capture even if their army was in retreat.)
After the war he was penniless, and it’s known from his private writings (not published until a few years ago) that he was extremely despondent about this, particularly his inability to provide for his unmarried daughters. He was offered $50,000 (well over $1 million today in terms of purchasing power [probably not if it was NYC, but in war ravaged Virginia]) to use his name and image for an insurance company, yet he turned it down flat when he wasn’t sure it was run by people of good character, instead taking the presidency of a dirt broke college that had to pay him mostly in housing and IOUs the first couple of years. (He did amass some wealth in his remaining years, leaving an estate of around $60,000; his sons successfully sued the government and received a $150,000 settlement for the confiscation of Arlington, which set the family up rather well.)
There’s also the story of his act at St. Paul’s Episcopal in Richmond in June 1865. There are two competing interpretations of the story, but both sides agree that the priest, Dr. Charles Minnegerode, prepared to give communion at the bar of the church. The church had always had black worshipers, though most were the slaves of the congregation members and all were segregated to the balcony, but this Sunday for the first time a black man came down the aisle and knelt to receive communion. The congregation was shocked, many gasped, many were mortified at the nerve of the man, and Minnegerode honestly did not know what to do. Lee rose from the back of the church, walked to the bar, and knelt beside the black man and the two received communion. Some interpret this as noble- Lee accepting “the war is over, the world is changed, we are brothers before God and before man”; others interpret it as “No uppity negro is going to stop me from worshiping”. Personally, and I’m not really a super admirer of Lee, I think it was at least mostly the former- though possibly political (“there doesn’t need to be any more hatred or bloodshed”) as he wasn’t an arch-liberal on race by any means, but he also just wanted the war and all about it behind him.
Some buttressing for this interpretation is from the acts of his daughter many years later. His daughter Mary (none of his daughters ever married, incidentally) used her inheritance and share of the Arlington settlement to travel constantly and, not surprisingly for a woman of her station, her traveling companion was her black maid. When she became elderly- 1902, when she was in her late 60s- she was a bit feeble (her mother and both grandmothers had been invalids due to rheumatoid arthritis and other frailties, Mary was slightly better off but still had to use a wheelchair for long distances) she took her black maid with her onto the whites only train car, assuming that she’d be allowed since her mistress required her. The train conductor ordered the black maid off the car and was evidently extremely belligerent when Mary and the maid tried to explain why she was there with a “No excuses just get your black ass back to the colored cars now!” attitude (paraphrase since the actual exchange, which was probably not as polite, is not recorded). The maid complied, and Mary Lee accompanied her, where she was promptly- old and feeble as she was- ordered to get up and get back to the white section (unlike the Montgomery buses, whites were not allowed to sit in black sections either- complete segregation) and in an “upside down and backwards” precursor to Rosa Parks, Mary Lee refused to give up her seat in the black section and was arrested. (News article from the time.htm).)
The railroad was of course mortified when they found out who she was (not for arresting a feeble old woman who wanted to be with her maid, obviously, but this would be about like arresting the daughter of Jesus). She was fined $5 and there it ended, with people even at the time being split between “she had it coming” and “poor old gal- rules were meant to be broken”.
Old and feeble as she was, she was older and more feeble 12 years later when World War I broke out, still traveling with her black maid, this time in Germany. For a time she actually lived as a half-prisoner/half-honored-guest in a German castle (i.e. house arrest for protective custody, but in a very nice suite rather than a dungeon and treated with every courtesy) until she could be relayed to London, where she lived until it was safe to travel by sea. She returned to America and died in Virginia a few days after the Armistice was signed.