I’m a loner. I am a female and I have no female friends at all, nor any male friends. I go to college, come home and that’s basically all what I do. I don’t talk to anyone and I like this. I used to have female friends until they turned into backstabbing boyfriend stealers. I can’t trust females anymore because I’ve had already two backstabbing boyfriend stealing girls. I like being alone because it saves me the stress of going out or impressing friends or giving birthday girfts or going to their house. Is it so bad to be a loner?
It’s not bad, but you are missing out on the oceans of good that life and human interaction offer. You’re not hurting anyone but yourself, as they say. There are good men and women out there. College is the beginning of the end of a lot of the bullshit that goes with growing up. You might find you were wrong to lump everyone into the same category as the backstabbers. Consider giving it another try.
I was much like you describe for a long time and found that while it did solve some problems and reduce stress, it basically drained all the pleasure from life. And for a long time, I didn’t realize that life could be better; in fact, I sounded a lot like you do. But I had a serious malady, and it was an utter numbness to the pleasures of anything social. If that describes you, then in my opinion it’s a bad thing.
I was going to say quite a bit more, but on preview, Kalhoun has said more or less the same thing.
For me it means having someone else to talk to about more serious concerns when my mother is more content to mouth off and contradict herself heavily (without apology) in front of me again and again and again… :rolleyes:
I would have said no, until I read your reasons for being a loner. Basically it sounds to me like you are missing some great times because you are afraid of being hurt again. Seems like a waste.
Yeah… along with the hurt puppy stuff you’ve got going on…
Being a loner has some very real inconveinences (man there is no way I spelled that right).
Say you miss the No Parking sign on one of the rare occasions that you go out… And your car gets towed… Who is going to give you a lift to the impound yard?
Let’s say you get busted for picking up a hooker… Okay… not likely for you, but possible for other loners… Who is going to bail you out?
How did they manage to steal your boyfriends? Are you sure they were your boyfriends in the first place and not just guys having sex with you? If you happen to be overweight, I recommend dieting and exercise. It’s a superficial world, and having a so-so personality will only get you so far.
If you sincerely enjoy being alone, I don’t think it is a bad thing. I do have a few very close friends but in general I am not interested in social gatherings. I don’t feel lonely or sad; it’s just my preference to do things on my own in general. The things that do interest me are often solitary pursuits. One of the things I love to do on my own is go to bookstores and browse around…that’s how I found a book called “Party of One: The Loners’ Manifesto”…you might find it interesting.
However, that being said, if you did in fact used to enjoy social contact but avoid it now because you’re afraid of getting hurt again, I would definitely encourage you to reconsider your position. Yes, there are some people out there who are immature and selfish and will do hurtful things…but if you keep your eyes open, you’ll learn what to watch out for to avoid people who are into that petty BS. There are too many good people out there to let the minority of jerks ruin everything for you.
Well, people who have a well developed social support network tend to live longer, healthier lives, have reduced stress, better handle large stressors when they do show up, and usually describe themselves as happier than those with little or no social support network.
So, being a loner can be bad for your health. However, if your social support network consists of back-stabbing bitches, I can’t imagine that would actually be very supportive either. Believe it or not, there are actually women in the world that are nice people, and aren’t interested in other peoples boyfriends, or trash talking behind their “friends” backs, etc. Find them. Hang out with them. If only because if you every need a tampon, you’ll have someone to ask who can’t say no. 
Uh, wow :rolleyes:
There is nothing wrong with a person not having a lot of friends or not wanting to be a “social butterfly,” as they say. Then again, it can be very unhealthy to shut yourself off from everyone else, especially if it is a reaction to being hurt.
Not all girls are lying, cheating boyfriend stealers (cough, me, cough). Don’t get me wrong, I find myself annoyed by most girls and their constant “OMIGAWD BOYSSS!” attitude, but I still have a few female friends here and there (not to mention a lot of male friends).
Yeah, people can suck sometimes, but we do need friends. The people before clearly were not your friends and that sucks, but sometimes these things come down to a sort of trial and error.
So yeah, I’d say it is bad because of your specific case. You are closing yourself off because something shitty happened and, while that is is ok for short periods of time, that is not a healthy way to live your life.
Nothing wrong with being a loaner. So long as you get the stuff back eventually…
Oh, wait, not what you meant?
Nah, not much wrong with it. I’m pretty closeted most of the time, and I kinda like not having many folks to answer to.
This being said, I -do- have to get out from time to time and socialize. It just makes me feel better.
I think there’s a difference between being a loner and being alone. I can’t really define what it is, but I suggest that they’re not equal.
Nope. It’s only bad if you don’t want to be a loner.
People that choose to be loners, like me, tend to be comfortable with the lifestyle that they’ve chosen and aren’t afraid to set pretty strong boundaries.
I concur. There actually tends to be fewer idiots among your college compatriots than you will find in other life contexts. I’ve found the “real world” to be about on a par with high school as far as the quality of people around you goes. Hence, my own loner status–I have basically no friends, only hang out with others when I visit my sister and her new baby.
Being a loner is not a tragedy, but it does have its drawbacks as mentioned above. The lack of “backup” when things go badly is a problem, but not insurmountable. But it’s better to spend time by yourself than with the wrong person. On the other hand, don’t pass up any potential friends out of hand, if such present themselves. Keep them at arms length at first if necessary, but leave some small opening for the folks who are truly worth it.
One thing that might help make the loner life more palatable, be it temporary or a permanent situation, would be getting a pet (if possible, given finances and living arrangements). I’ve found that, however much I may feel like railing against the human race, the family cats always treat me the same way. Pets can be a source of love and companionship that won’t falter, even if all your two-legged friends let you down. Something to ponder, if you really have given up on other people.
Hope it works out for you.
Dude if the ability to get from one place to another by yourself, live on your own and support yourself did not change your life for the better - nothing ever will
Loners of the world, UNITE!!
Hang on a sec…
The important thing is, are you happy? If you are, that’s all that matters.
That said, I used to think, “I’m a loner because I’m happier that way.” Turns out, I really wasn’t all that happy, and telling myself that was just a way of not dealing with all the shit that was wrong with my life. Once I started tackling and overcoming that stuff, I realized that life’s a hell of a lot better with friends, and that I hadn’t really been happy in a long, long time.
No. However you seem to be a loner because you don’t feel like you can trust people. If you want to meet people but are afraid they’ll betray you that can be a problem. But if you just prefer your own company I don’t see a problem with that.
LMAO. I don’t know if this was satire or not but either way 
Actually, a co-worker spent a lot of time today trying to convince me that I “need to get out more.” He said that I’m “too young to be a recluse.” My protests that I’m quite happy with my life as it is were immaterial.
I think it’s much like insisting that people who don’t want kids will change their minds, or people who don’t like cats just haven’t met your cat. I have an elderly co-worker who never married. She told me that it wasn’t until she was almost sixty that people stopped nagging her to get married.
Perhaps it’s ego, thinking that people can’t possibly be really happy unless they have the things that make you happy. Non-readers can’t understand why I’ll “waste” an evening with a good book, but, then again, I can’t understand why anyone would watch NASCAR.
To each his own.
Like others have said, it’s OK if you like being alone; bad if you’re just avoiding people because some have hurt you.
Now me, I honestly love being alone. My idea of a vacation is a day where I don’t see or speak to another human being. Being around others really, really gets on my nerves, even if they are perfectly nice people.