[QUOTE=Malienation]
On a more serious note, I suggest that societal roles for males have not expanded anywheres near as much as the roles for women, and that men’s restricted role is approved of by both men and women. If you’re a man and you spend a lot of time doing the stuff that you suggest, you’re gonna wind up with a lot of woman friends that are sure you’re gonna be a fabulous husband…for someone else.
[/QUOTE]
Bingo.
I’m a stay at home Dad. Perhaps not an entirely typical homemaker parent, since our son has special needs, and I spend lots of my time managing his care and talking with bureaucrats and even going to meetings, and perhaps less time cooking & cleaning. But I still stay at home, take him to the park, drive him to activities and such. And do you know who has the most hostile reactions to my occupation? who is most uncomfortable with this? Other stay at home Moms, that’s who, especially those I meet at the playground or at gymnastics. Just about all the guys (especially fathers) have an enthusiastic, encouraging, and often a bit whistful / slightly envious reaction when I tell them. Many women (around half) react like I told them I am forty and still living in my parent’s basement playing video games all day (not that there’s anything wrong with that) . I get a ton of challenging gazes at playgrounds and gymnastics, suggesting something like “WTF are you doing here?” Not to mention the cold shoulders and rebuffed conversational overtures. I used to be shy, but now I can make good conversation with anyone. I am, IMNSHO, *good *at it. I’m non-threatening, casual, not flirty, happy, comfortable and I listen well. I have held up lines at the grocery store because cashiers start telling me their life story. But at kid-centered events during weekdays, it often seems I might as well be wearing an SS uniform as far as most other Moms are concerned. The ironic and very frustrating thing is that when I am encountered being a Dad during evenings, weekends and holidays, then, and only then, am I showered with happy approving smiles from the same demographic. AArgh! It is to scream…
As far as the Man thing goes, my very traditional Dad brought me up to believe that not all boys grow up to be men. To be a Man meant to be emotionally tough enough to handle whatever life throws at you, smart and resourceful enough to know what to do then, strong enough to do it, and without your emotions getting the better of you, brave enough to not let you fear stop you, and wise enough to know what was really important. Being able to fight, knowing sports, the usual man stuff, was only part of a skill set you sometimes needed to persevere and succeed; that skill set also included cooking & sewing, for example. It was more about being self sufficient than about who sewed your buttons.
That was what being a Man was about for me. Right until my wife pointed out that these were also very good things for girls to aspire to. She had me there. Dad always felt that women were precious, delicate creatures (read: less strong & capable) and so less should be expected of them, and they should be protected, cared for and cherished, hence his applications of the above virtues to the masculine side. Now I think of what my Dad taught me as being how to be a good adult human, rather than just being a Man.
I think that the guys who most worry about being masculine are those who are not sure what it really means to be a man, so they turn to sitcoms and pop culture for answers, and implement them fanatically.
That being said, I also think that there are many differences between men and women that are deeper than just the influence of culture. Evolutionary psychology has offered many intriguing hypotheses. eg. fascination with ball sports stemming from hunter’s chase reflex, aggressiveness being selected for because it brings better hunting success, etc. etc. Like many posters have said above, though, those are just differences. They are not Real-Man-Club ™ membership rules, they are not a requirement, and they have many exceptions.
