Why Me?

A couple of weeks ago, a lady who lives across the street from us came over to ask me if I’d take a look at her stove as the oven was not working. She’s a divorcee with a ten year old daughter and I’ve helped her out in the past. I got some tools and my wife and daughter decided to come along as well and visit. Maybe they don’t trust me with a young divorcee.

It was a blown fuse and I fixed it in no time. I was in the kitchen putting the cover back on while my wife, daughter and the lady of the house were in the living room having coffee.

The little girl came up to me and said, “I’ve got a surprise for you. Close your eyes and open your hands.” I said okay and then all hell broke loose.

I’m terrified of mice. What she put in my hands was a gerbil, but to me, it was a mouse. Pandemonium.

I screamed and threw my hands into the air. The gerbil hit the ceiling, bounced off and hit the floor. Dead. Now the little girl is screaming because her gerbil is dead, I’m screaming with terror, my wife rushes into the kitchen and starts screaming at me, my daughter is screaming for everyone to stop screaming and the lady of the house is screaming in the key of C minor for the sake of harmony.

After everything calmed down they held a little funeral in the backyard and I promised to buy her another stupid gerbil.

The next day, I took her to PJ’s pet store and bought her another beast.

A couple of hours ago, I was taking a walk and the woman was outside sweeping the walkway so I went over to say hello. While making small talk, I asked how the liitle girl’s new gerbil was doing. The woman said, “Funny you mentioned it. It just escaped into the backyard this morning.”

In all innocence, I said, "With the cats around here, it’s a goner for sure.

Guess who was standing behind me when I said that?

The wail of anguish from that kid could be heard in Tangiers.

I took her to PJ’s and bought her a bowl with a couple of goldfish.


you are a cruel heartless bastard aren’t you? :slight_smile:

"This week: a rodent gets wacked on…

Canadian Cosa Nostra! Tonight, on Fox!"

Wally you are the unluckiest person I know. Oh man… I feel bad for you. Thanks for the laugh. Love your sigs… wish I had one…

Hey, concrete, what’s with all the bastard posts, man?

I am dying laughing hysterically right now Wally. You have no luck at all where this lil one is concerned. I think you should just take her to disneyland and get it over with cuz she is gonna have you by what you would most hate to lose if you dont.

I bet you screamed like a little girl, that loud high pitch that only dogs can hear. …hehe… whata putz.

your new sig,
-WallyM7, slayer of gerbils.

makin little girls cry for shame wally dont you have a heart at all? tsk tsk tsk tsk

it was funny as hell reading though :slight_smile:

A ten-year old gave a surprise gerbil to someone who just had heart surgery?

Is the kid’s mom is an Ambassador or anything like that? We have got a serious Damien candidate on our hands here.

I say keep up the good work. Toss a little windex in with the goldfish.

Ahhh Wally…you really need to reply to my “Don’t view this and not reply” thread. Sounds like you could use some good luck.

haha… are you kidding, he’d either run screaming from Mickey or try and take him out!!

That is the funniest thing that I have read in a long time!!!
My kids came running in to see what was so funny, and then told me that they didn’t find it so amusing.
You see we used to have hampsters until my three year old decided that while he was supposed to be napping that he would get them out and play with them.
They mother was a victim of toddler over-affection, and the three babies escaped into the walls of the house. We found one while we were getting the house winterized and changing the furnace filter. I am sure the others met the same fate.

I sure hope that you aren’t around when the goldfish bites it. They aren’t very hearty fish, but at least they are cheap to replace.

wooo Wally, give up the serviceman gig. What ya gonna do when that gerbil shows up at your house for revenge?

In all honesty you did everything you could.

Basically, the girl learned the important lesson of not putting one’s stuff (or pets) in the face of unsuspecting strangers.

Hell, go out and buy her a dozen, then teach her the fun-filled game of Hamster Ball ™.

I guess your lucky there was no ceiling fan above you. Poor gerbil would have been batted into the next room.

Oh no, Wally. Not again.

:::trying really hard not to laugh:::


I cracked a grin. Mabye you should get her some Sea Monkeys, Wally. Or, mabye a pet rock, but don’t throw it you might break a window.

Darn. I wish I could use my wolfies here ! They make Wally squirm !

Gee Wally you really should stay away from that poor kid.

Oh, I almost forgot to ask, are you going for lots of walks ? Ever feel like there is something small and furry is following you ? Guess what, it is ! ::grin::


Damnit, I thought this episode was over!

Silo may have cracked a grin, I think I cracked a rib!

Maybe it’s time that you admit that you should not be around small animals. I am sure there is a support group for men like you.

:wink: if you need to talk I am here for you.

I should have know better than to hope for sympathy here.


Awwww, there, there Wally. I’ll give you sympathy. Just come lay your head on Shayna’s shoulder. :: Pat Pat ::

Feel better yet?

(P.S. That’s the funniest damn thing I’ve read in a long time! Is this a Part 2? Where’s the first part - I’ve got to read it!)