Why Men's Bathrooms = Sports pages?

Okay, so in my two-three office-type jobs we’ve had bathrooms, right? And in these bathrooms I often walk in to find someone has kindly left the paper for me to read while on the john! But alas! It’s the dreaded Sports Pages. Not that I mind sports…playing sports, that is. And occasionally watching them. Why I would ever want to read about when happened in sports yesterday is beyond me.

Seriously, every day at all the jobs I’ve had I’ve seen the sports pages just lying there, but only a handful of times was there another section. What gives?

Nothing that takes longer to read than the average dump? Nothing that you want to take with you to reread later?

Hey, it is a men’s room. Besides, I bet if you’re going to be on the can for a really long time, you’ll find nothing more appealing than poring over box scores, and the top 400 batting averages.

Stupid sports section…

What do ladies read in the can? Lady’s Home Journal? Bulletin of Atomic Science?

Lucky. Someone who is apparently very “regular” always leaves the business section in the bathroom at my office sometime before 9am almost every day. I find it much more interesting to stare at the sports agate type than the stock agate type. Better than nothing, or bringing your own reading material along.

Gee, could it possibly be that tens of millions of men are, unlike you, sports fans?

Amateur musicians don’t hate on the pros; amateur writers don’t hate hate on the pros. In fact, they are keenly interested in the work of professionals.

Yet many amateur athletes hold your oddly elitist attitude about pro sports. I find it to be wholly illogical.

As a fellow guy, I always had to wonder what exactly all other guys are doing during #2 that they have enough time to read?
Drop pants (2 seconds), drop bombs (30 seconds?), wipe (30 seconds?), raise pants (2), flush (1) and leave.
Or is constipation far more widespread than I had ever been lead to believe?

Sometimes there is a second wave, Sometimes it’s the only chance to relax during the work day.

I dunno, my routine is drop pants (2 seconds), drop bombs (30 seconds), read (5-10 minutes), wipe (30 second), flush (1 second), raise pants (2 seconds).

Of course, if I’ve had a lot to eat and the stuff built up, I may have a second set of bombs to drop. And you can feel them in there, but they’re not quite ready, but if you give them a minute or two they’ll move into the bomb bay, ready to be discharged.

And this is, of course, leaving aside the famed beer deuce, which always requires multiple bombs and multiple flushings.

Hm, no second loads here.

And sitting about for 5 minutes with doodle drying on my ass hair while I read doesn’t sound terribly pleasurable…
Where did you all learn this? Your dad spent 10 minutes in there, so you all figured, “Well, have to fill out 10 minutes!”

You’re clearly not getting the most out of your dumps then. I recommend an evening of beer, nachos and chili cheese fries to begin you on your course.

I dunno. I can’t remember ever really noticing how long my dad took. I think it just came naturally.

I guess I’m the only one too skeeved to touch a newspaper on a stall floor. The last person who handled that paper was taking a dump!

Then again, I’m so public bathroom-skeevy, I’m the guy using paper towels to touch all handles.

Actually, in our bathrooms there is nothing but L.A. Times newspapers. But now that I think about it, that probably has to do with the fact that we share the bathroom with the L.A. Times washington bureau.

We have the SportsPage fairy at my office too. Luckily for this non-sports-following guy, the Austin American-Statesman runs a Fry’s ad on the back of the section almost every day for me to peruse.

I opened the thread assuming it’d be about the tendency for the sports page to be tacked above the urinals, which is an easy one to explain. It gives the guy something to look at besides a blank spot on the wall (I’m sure one could search for threads on urinal etiquette), and looking at a few scores doesn’t take more than the 30 seconds for a piss, as opposed to trying to read a current event article.

As to why it’s in Ludovic’s work can, and he’s using this very limited sample of empirical evidence as rule, it’s because there’s at least one guy in all of your previous offices with regular bowel movements who is a pro sports fan, but can get the info he needs in one crap. Following pro sports is a great way to confirm you’re indeed a Manly Man, as all the other Manly Men will also know the scores. You don’t want to be the little prissy man who tries talking about the F Scott Fitzgerald documentary on PBS last night when everybody else keeps bringing up Rafael Palmero’s 3000 hits, do you? :wink:

On the amount of time and amount of enjoyment being on the can: kanicbird got it right. You can relax while pooing (heck, hopefully even the bodily motion of pooing is one of muscles relaxing). I spend 15 minutes at work or at home. Granted, at home the window is open. It’s private time.

It definitely takes me longer than a minute or three to poo and wipe. That’s just me.
As for ‘Why the Sports Page?’
I dunno…why not? The articles are probably a lot shorter, the slugs are descriptive enough to tell you everything anyway (BONDS HITS 75…so what’s to read after that?), and some of us like to absorb (har!) the minutiae of our personal favorite sport. I, for one, love and adore reading football stats and trying to guess the summary of a game from the stats alone. Then again, I’m a nerd.
I’d rather read the sports than Cal Thomas or Rick Horowitz on the can any day. Just the idea of their inflated heads glaring back at me with my pants around my ankles…ugh. Me crapping. Me need pictures of linebackers smashing quarterbacks.

It’s so men can read about Pujols while exercising their poo-holes?