Why must we hurt each other?

Well, this is kind of a pathetic thread to be posting on Christmas Day, but I need to finally admit some stuff and to encourage you to enjoy every scrap of happiness on Christmas Day.

Over the last 6 - 8 weeks in the lead up to Christmas I have had quite a bit on my mind and have been unable to talk about it, despite various offers (thanks Nym and Cheri). I was really looking forward to Christmas, some Christmas cheer and a chance to relax and recuperate. However it is not to be. I am now forced to stay at a friends’ place for Christmas (they are away) as I am too scared (there, I admit it) to go back to my house.

Over the past few weeks I have been increasingly harrassed by an ex of mine (from quite some time ago)who has basically flipped out completely (Apparently I ruined his life when I refused to marry him - despite the fact he used to beat up on me). I have been beaten, abused and threatened by this person on various occasions recently when I have been coming home or am alone in the house. I have also had threatening messages over the last 2 days to say that he will be waiting for me for Christmas. So now I get to sit in an empty house for Christmas and miss out on what was to be a wonderful day. It is very demeaning and frustrating as I am not someone who would normally run away from anything however this is something I cannot take any longer. I have felt unable to confide in my close friends as it is such an awful thing to tell them and also it would mean dragging up a lot of old history that shouldn’t be touched. Only one friend knows of this as he picked me up one evening as I was walking into town to stay at a hostel after a “visit” from my ex. I can’t even join my friends over the Christmas break as they enjoy a swim/relax by the pool as I have to hide bruises/scars.

Even worse is that I feel guilty about it all as I have been rather preoccupied lately and haven’t put enough effort into making Christmas a special day for my friends or family either. I have let one bad thing override everything else and has ruined a wonderful holiday.

I miss the times when we were young and innocent and Christmas was full of colour and laughter. :frowning: :frowning: I still love Christmas, just have little cheer left to enjoy it this year.

I just hope your Christmas’ are everything you wished for and you have the most pleasant memories to keep. Cherish them as they are so special.

Oh, hon… :frowning:

Stay safe. That’s about the only advice I can give. Stay safe, and get whatever sort of help is available. Can you get restraining orders against this guy? Can you confide in a friend after the holidays maybe?

dpr, give her mad hugs for us. Hang in there, wyldelf. My thoughts are with with you.


I hope you can get rid of him (no, not like THAT…well, maybe). Sending warm fuzzies your way. :slight_smile:


I’m not sure what to say, except hang in there, babe.


Stay safe. And I’m so sorry your Christmas is less than you’d hoped. Hang in there. And take care of yourself.

Thanks guys - I really meant it to be a thread about appreciating what you have for Christmas but I guess the need to vent was too strong sigh Sorry about that.

Rasa I will stay safe, and it is not something I want dpr to know about either (he is thankfully away for a few days).

As for a restraining order - well I have been to the police about it last time he went off the rails and it was one of the most demeaning moments in my life - I felt so dirty and horrible and to blame for it all by the time I left that I haven’t wanted to go back to them. A good friend of mine is an ex-cop though and he is the one that knows what is happening (recognised some of the bruise marks)and he has offered to go with me and make the cops listen if need be.

Tiggeril thanks for the hugs!! And warm fuzzies are so much better than cold pricklies.


I don’t have to much to say except stay safe. All my luck to you.


I am so sorry to hear about this. Can you ask a friend to stay with you until after Christmas?


Eutychus Hanging in as ordered!!
Erika it is my fault anyway for not realising it would happen earlier so I must bear the blame there. Other than being alone I am trying not to let it get to me too much.
Silver Fire thanks for your concern and I am doing my best.
msrobyn I would like to however it would take some explaining and most of my closest friends have taken off today to visit relatives etc etc. It is probably for the best that I have a restful day anyway. My health is starting to suffer from lack of sleep.

Thanks for the support guys - I really appreciate it and it makes me feel much less lonely

{{{{{{{wyldelf}}}}}}} I’m by myself on xmas, also. I almost started a thread about how much MY last two months have been horrible. Instead, I read yours and take comfort in knowing we at least have each other, babe. :slight_smile: I’m around still, if you want to talk.

Hey Nym - I am kinda embarrased that I did now - it is definately not like me at all. mmm Must be getting soft in my old age.

I am here for you too Nym if you want to talk anything over. {{{{{{nymysys}}}}}} Heaps of cuddles and wonderful thoughts headed your way.

Email me. wildelf.geo@yahoo.com

wyldelf very sorry…if I could take your place for the night I would.

:frowning: I’m really sorry for you. If he’s hurt you (physically) you can call the police, but I still feel for you, spending Christmas alone. I’ve actually been thinking about how much my Christmases are going to suck when I’m a bachelor.

Ah well, I’ll be sending prayers and good vibes your way.

What I meant was, you should take your friend up on his offer.

{{{{{{Wyldelf lady}}}}}}}

Times like this makes one wish that what one role played was real, eh? A little water of the river Lethe, or similar, Alas, the real world does not work so well, and to escape into a fantasy can at times make things worse. You keep well, Wyldelf, and don’t let him get you down.

Either way, it’s harassment, and you should probably call the police (if you haven’t yet). It doesn’t have to be physical to call the police.

You can always come to my house for Christmas. No one should be alone on Christmas.


Thanks so much everyone for taking a little time out to care. It has really made today heaps better.
aha I wouldn’t wish that on anyone - but thanks for the thought.
speaker for the dead I think I will, especially as I now know who is behind egging him on with what he is doing.
Narile mmm I wish I was a Wyld Elf that could retaliate a little - but at 5’0" on a good day - I am a little out of my weight class - and I don’t condone violence anyways so I guess that is out.
Totoro A little far to travel - but the offer is wonderful. And as stated previously I have been to the police once before (about 8 mths ago) and was treated like an imbecile. I am thinking of giving it another go though if it happens again. And I will take my friend with me.

Thanks all for the kind wishes. Take care over your Christmas Break!!! Thinking of you.

I’m alone for Christmas, too, Wyldelf. pParents dead, just divorced and too far from my sis to get home for the holidays, so please feel free to email or IM me anytime!

In the meantime, get some peaceful rest, y’hear? Just being tired can make things seem overwhelming.

Afterwards, maybe there’s an advocacy group near you who can help. (Maybe call United Way?) They could go w/ you to the cops and help get your situation cleared up.

Wishing you rest, peace, comfort and safety for the holidays and the years to come,

{{{{{{{{{Veb}}}}}}}} thanks for that! Sleep is definately on the agenda for me over the next few days.

I have stayed a night at one of the women’s shelters in the city but was not very comfortable there however. I will look around for another one to go and talk to once the holidays are over.

I am sorry you are alone for Christmas Veb, i hope you manage to have a good time however and feel free to contact me also if you want some company!

[sub]Oh- is it possible to ask the mods to get rid of this thread tomorrow as dpr will be heading back into town in a couple of days and I would prefer he not be aware of this. No prob if it is too much hassle however.[/sub]

I am thinking of you tonight- I really hope you go to the equivalent of Family Services/Domestic Violence division. TVeblen has a good point. there are public services for women in your position. They will meet with you, let you know your options, go with you to the police/courts. My mother is going through this and the help they have given her is invaluable. Abuse like this must be addressed NOW. Please, please go talk to someone who can help you. I have seen this too many times and the earlier it is addressed the better.

Remember this is not your fault! Repeat after me,
“this is not my fault, this is not my fault”
You have no responsibility for, or control over, this person’s actions.
Take care of yourself and know that there is another Chicagoan here to talk to if you need someone.

Have a Merry Christmas and I know you will come through this and be better than this for it.
However as a designated “crusher”, I must admit that if you left me, I would sink into a despair never before imagined!:wink: