Aaarrrgghhhh - should be nonchalantly
Is your daughter old enough to find humor in “Mine! Bought and Paid for!”
I love it! I might also have to swipe this line for later use.
swipes
Aw come on. Your co-workers initial statement wasn’t about you. It was her pain. For one moment she needed to talk to someone next to her who just happened to be childless. For one moment she needed to vent the idea that life would be easier without kids. I would have thought by stating your childlessness as a choice on your part shows a complete lack of judgement. Should she have said “You are lucky you can’t have kids” ? That doesn’t appear true either. I’ll bet she just wasn’t prepared for your retort, which surprised me, and which did demanded some immediate unusual response. Frankly I’m still trying to figure out a response that would be appropriate. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already done one of :smack: .
Amend this statement to:
I would have thought by stating your childlessness as a choice on your part shows a complete lack of judgemental attitude.
Oh, cool. gobear, remember your friends here at the SDMB next Thanksgiving. I could use a new turkey baster.
Average age of first time mothers now stands at 29 years in Denmark. Obviously 28 is not too late in any sense of the word.
I’m in love!
I dunno, I think in order for her statment to move from “thoughtlessly rude” to merely “thoughtless” it would have had to suffer some minor adjustments along the way:
- “You are so lucky that you have chosen not to have kids right now.”
Incorporates stating-childnessness-as-a-choice-not-a-condition, but conveniently ignores all the other reasons one might not have children, which might not be a choice on one’s part. The East German judge gives this a 1.5 and suggests you move on to choice #2. - “You are so lucky that you don’t have kids right now.”
Still not great, but at the very least it acknowledges AmericanMaid’s childlessness without venturing into the territory of “reasons why you don’t have them.” Also it allows co-worker to move on into What My Horrible Teen Did Today. Course, if you’re going to do that, you may as well skip all the footling and move straight on to #3. - “My teenager is driving me crazy.”
Co-worker expresses her ire without delving into anyone’s personal life except her own. She gets to piss and moan; you escape the golden shower. If only all rants were so easy.
:dubious: Mmkay, I’m 31. If BabyVerm is still a toddler when I’m in my forties, somebody’s going to have some serious esplaining to do.
That would be kinda cool, really. I think lots more people would have kids and/or pets if there was a Red-Dwarf style cryogenic chamber you could store them in occasionally. Under those conditions, even I might be talked into getting a dog. Er, I should say a puppy. It might never be a dog, depending on how expensive the chamber is on an hourly basis.
I’m loving all these responses guys! It made work lots easier. 
What makes this situation horrid is the “for all she knows…” factor. Imagine her comment if any of the following applied to me:
- I’ve had miscarriages
- I’ve had an abortion
- I’ve given up a child for adoption
- I can’t have children.
Huh, now I think I understand why she’s an Administrative Assistant. Definitely not management material with toxic foot-in-mouth disease.
28 being the “if you don’t have 'em yet you’re not gonna” age is freaking ridiculous. I just turned 27 and have every intention of having children. I’m actualy one of the youngest in my group of friends and while I’m one of the only ones who isn’t married, only two of us has any children (one of them having had accidentally knocked up someone 7 years ago and regrets it). I’ve also got 2 years left of law school and refuse to get pregnant before I graduate. There’s also that whole marriage (or partner who also wants to have kids at that time) issue. While I’ll be the first to admit my biological clock has been ticking like a freaking gong, I refuse to get pregnant “before it’s too late” when I’m so obviously not ready.
I was recently just visiting some family in Arizona, who all think I’m some pathetic spinster because I’m not married with 5 kids at 27. One of them actually said to me “you’d better get moving, you’re not gettin’ any younger!” Sweet christ. I had to bite my tounge to keep from saying “maybe that’s because I’d prefer not to be buying groceries with food stamps when I have my children, like you.”
Some people just don’t get the concept of waiting until you’re ready. I dont’ think that woman meant any harm in the OP, I just think she’s criminally clueless.
Personally, I think you’re being way too defensive. You know that 28 isn’t anywhere near being too old to have kids, so why does it bother you? Does it really bother you that your coworker thinks you made a wise choice? Lots of people would take that as a compliment, even though your coworker has made a wrong assumption.
I think you would have a right to feel offended if she had said,“You’re so lucky that no man ever found you desirable enough to impregnate, and no man ever will.”
But that’s not what she said.
I feel your pain, AmericanMaid. I too, have wanted kids. I too, have picked out some names. I too, am single; but unlike you, I really am too old to get into another relationship (early 40s).
But if it’s any consolation to you, my nephew was born when my sister was 45.
My ex was tremendously worried about confessing to me that she had had a hysterectomy. “I can’t give you children!” She learned something about me when my response was “good.”
And I should add that the only person who has any business talking about someones reproductive choices is the person to be reproduced with. Oh, and your mother.
I don’t know what planet this woman is from. I’m 41, and I’m the father of 6yo & 3yo and a daughter about to be born this week! What’s really weird is that when I go to my oldest son’s school functions, etc., I find that I’m not one of the older parents. Heck, most of them seem to be in their 40s.
They’re not really in thier 40’s, they just look that way.
Heh - that’s been my standard response to my mother lately when she presses me about having a baby. “Well, Mom, unless you want your grandchildren to be raised on food stamps and welfare, we’re going to wait a little while. Is that okay with you?”.
Believe me, I would LOVE to be pregnant right now, but we’re buying a house and paying off my debt. Once that’s done, hopefully in a year or so, we’ll start trying. I think my husband’s actually starting to get a little eager, and I’ve been there since we got married four months ago, so maybe we’ll try earlier, but we keep trying to explain to my mother and sister that it’s OUR decision. They’ve given my brother and sister-in-law issues since they got married a year and a half ago, and suddenly, I’m the one who gets the crap about babies now because I’m older.
I’ll be 30 in two weeks, so I’m a little nervous about being able to get pregnant - I suffer from endometriosis. However, as my gyno says, no need to worry until we actually have problems getting pregnant. I also don’t need to be reminded constantly by my family that I’m getting older and 'You know, fertility really declines when you hit 30!".
Gee, thanks, Mom. Did you know that you’re a prime candidate for menopause with hot flashes and cold sweats?
E.
The co-worker thinks (apparently) that “People who choose not to have kids are wise”
Therefore she’s not complimenting AmericanMaid at all. AmericanMaid is not one of these people who has chosen not to have kids.
Also, I don’t think it’s a question of whether coworker is approving or disapproving of her for her supposed “choice”. The point is, coworker brought up a sensitive subject - something that makes AmericanMaid unhappy - and she did it in such a way as to be completely dismissive of that (to the point of apparently not even being aware of the POSSIBILITY that not having an SO and kids might be a cause of unhappiness)
Personally, I’d be pissed off too.
It doesn’t get any better when you DO have a kid, of course. One of my current pet peeves is Kindly Looking Old Ladies on Trams who, after asking if Small Girl is my only child come out with something like “Well, dear, one’s enough, isn’t it?”. Grrrr. No. It’s not. Thanks for reminding me that producing child #2 is apparently at least 8 times harder than child #1. Now buzz off.
Total hijack, but I’ve always been fascinated about this. As a man, I’m not sure I CAN have such dreams. By that, I don’t mean that I couldn’t dream that I was pregnant or that I’m some sort of manly man that wouldn’t be able to admit it. In fact, like all such weirdo dream experiences, it would be pretty cool.
But what I mean is, the women I know who have these sorts of dreams, and whom have never been pregnant, describe the experience in part in terms of tactile sensations of the baby being inside. And I wonder: are these feelings imaginatively derived from the general tactile experiene of just having a uterus (which I don’t have and thus cannot derive such feelings from). Or are they maybe even some sort of brain thing: an imprint of pregnancy that women have?
Can’t help you I fear. I was broken, but now I’m fixed. 