I’ve never made it without biting…that never struck me as a naughty phrase until just now.
Hey, what about me? Someone has to take care of the purrbabies and keep them out of the chili.
Qualifications?
< Babylon 5 ripoff commences ! >
Der Trihs : “You should let me on board ! I’m smart,”
Fabulous Creature : Smirk
Der Trihs : “plus, I’ll make myself useful;”
Fabulous Creature : Sneer
Der Trihs : “also, there’s the poison.”
Fabulous Creature : looks shocked
Der Trihs : “Yesss.”
< Babylon 5 ripoff ends ! >
Given your mad hull slithering skillz it sounds like you’re going to come along no matter what anyone says.
Why? Because I’m the other white meat.
Anticipating this ploy, all such negotiations will take place over sub-ether radio, with me within the walls of my lunar fortress and applicants on Earth with my wave motion gun aimed at their city.
Let’s see, I could… No, I could, uh. Be the guy who, uh…
Dear God, I’m going to die.
Because I’m a dues-payin member of the Dope!
And I have Family Guy on DVD.
Nice, saucy answer. You’ll be berthed right next to Czarcasm. Bring cheese for the popcorn for Family Guy marathon night.
I know how to disengage the safety on a 1920s-style death ray.
I come, I bring pie.
I’ll need to know what sort of pie.
Because I’m the guy who knows how to take a technology-free planet, and a lot of manpower, and make civilization from scratch.
Civ I, II, and III
Age of Empires II
Master of Orion II
Sim City, SC 2k, 3k, Sim Earth, Sim Life, Sim Ant, Sim Farm, Sim you name it.
Etc etc etc.
That’s gotta count for somethin’, right?
Because I need to lead the insurrection against you on the new planet. I mean c’mon. What’s a new planet without a chance for some rebellion?
Yes, but I can’t help but notice you have no space ark. Bzzt.
The logic of this remark escape me.
First, we haven’t established that I intend to rule on Tellus Secundus (and the fact that it’s named that, rather than “Tellus Maximus,” would seem to indicate the contrary.
Second, if i DO intend to become the Evil Overlord of hte new planet, remember an earlier post stating
Wouldn’t I just fire the wave motion gun?
Think ahead.
The overwhelming majority of the passengers seem to be american so far. So much for cultural diversity. You obviously need a representant of the french culture, and I’m the only one around here. So, you have to take me along. Or else the secret of snail cooking and brain pan-frying will be lost forever. And what will you do when you’ll find out that the only edible source of protein widely available on Tellus Secundus is related to frogs, hmmm?
Besides, you’ll need someone to conduct the surrendering negociations when the Tau Cetians and their armada of plasma guns armed starships will turn their greedy eyes towards Tellus Secundus.
I’m a centrist, materialist, utilitarian nihilist, and even my subtle influence may help create a sociological influence that would give rise to a well-balanced, orderly, truly modern civilization—one truly deserving of the chance to preserve Earth’s legacy.
I’m also a fairly good bullshitter, and a fast typist. That might come in handy for ya.
On the negative side, I do have a family history of mental illness, an addictive personality, and I’m bad at math. Maybe you could at least let me hitch a ride in the ark’s airlock when you launch, and dump me out in a spacesuit before you break orbit. So, at least, I can die in space, and not in the mud with the rest of the lousy grounders.
I see that many talented people have applied.
So, for balance, if you need a sarcastic, cynical, middle-age woman with stability issues, I’m your gal.
And, I make excellent cream puffs. 
I give great head.
And I like guys who knit 
.