This is a message to all the people out there who aren’t colossal dumbfucks. People who have never walked into a pole while reading a book, or broken their glasses while wanking. People that aren’t me. This is a message so that if you ever see me complaining about not having a girlfriend or about the dating scene, you can remind me of why I should not have children.
Today, as of about 6:30 pm, coolguy DarkPrince has written a new chapter in the Annals of Lameness. I have broken my mouse. Now, you might think, “Wow, that doesn’t seem that bad.” But lo! you know not all the facts. I have broken my mouse by dropping it into a bowl of boiling water. Boiling Ramen to be exact. Specifically beef flavored Ramen. This, in DarkPrince Gross Stupidity Level(DPGSL), is on par with the time I cut part of my finger off with a wakazashi.
And to compound it, I have no money. I cannot afford a new mouse, nor more Ramen for my dinner. So here I sit, really cool guy that I am, with an empty stomach(Being super bright with an IQ that would make roadkill blush with pride, of course I’ve been fasting all day. Ever been so bored you’ve decided to fast? Yeah, I’m cool), and no mouse for my computer. You never notice exactly how many links are on a page until you navigate it using Tab.
Tune in next time for more info on why DarkPrince should not procreate. What will he do tomorrow? Could it possibly be worse than this? Will it involve a hippity-hop and/or spoons? And will he ever figure out the Back command’s keyboard shortcut? Be sure to catch the next episode of The Poster Child: Government Sterilization.
Merciful Heavens! How does one drop ones’ mouse into a bowl of boiling water? Personally, I use a desk top computer. You, my friend, seem to use a StoveTop computer.
Put down that Stoly; and have one of those Tabs of which you speak. They have one calorie (which might stave off your starvation) and caffeine.
As for reproducing; sperm+egg=zygote. Mouse+Ramen=Beefgote? The species are incompatible.
Thank you for playing, please try again.
TaB? TaB?!?! You are on the right track by having TaB. It is the beverage of the Gods.
Who needs a mouse when you have TaB?
Yeah. We’re a big help, aren’t we? 
Try Backspace, it works for me.
[sub]see? SOME of us are trying to be helpful[/sub]
[sub]actually, it’s just because both previous posters stole my Tab comment[/sub]
And here I was going to come on in and rant about gummint regulation of EVERYTHING.
And I get a really amusing post. Jeez. I should sue for false advertising or something.
- Jonathan “Man this is a good book…OW!” Chance
I can see how the first of these might happen, but I’m having difficulty picturing the second.
:::: grins at DarkPrince :::::
You must be my twin. We were separated at birth. I knew it.
E.
p.s.: Sorry about the mouse. And the food. But what the hell were you doing with your mouse near boiling water? Or do you have one of those relationships with your mouse where you take it everywhere with you? If so, there’s medication to help you with that, my friend…
::: ducks and RUNS ::::
Damn, I was ready to come in and agree wholeheartedly with the OP, because it’s such an obviously good idea that people are too scared to really push for.
Hey! Look over there! (runs)
Aren’t mice cheap? Even if not, I am sure that someone among us computer-freak Dopers has a mouse they could send you. I recently replaced mine with a cordless thingamabob. I am sure my old one is around here somewhere. I could box it up and send it to you.
As long as you promise not have children.
Why couldn’t you eat the ramen anyway? I doubt there is anything too foul on the mouse, and the boiling water would kill most of that. Plus, there is so much salt in ramen, even if the internal mousewheel gunk came off in the soup, you wouldn’t taste it.
Beefgoat would be the spelling. While some may view this an argument against genetic engineering, I believe this is what those gyro-meat slabs are made of.
I have a mouse that Whammo sent me for white elephant. But it doesn’t work either.
However, if you e-mail me, I think I have a spare. I’ll check tonight.
Chases Elenfair out the door with broom [old geezer]You damn ragamuffins![/old geezer]
Tab is nothing compared to the blinding light glory that is Mellow Yellow. Last term my roomate and I singlehandedly finished off all the Mellow Yellow in the soda machine every week. We kept all the cans and at the end of the term stood outside the dorm block(affectionately known to everyone as the Dork Basket, I have no clue why) and pegged people with them. We also tried throwing them at the girls’ windows to get their attention(didn’t work) and burning them(the cans not the girls). But I digress…
I got some food into me finally by bribing a friend into giving me a slice of bread so I could make an open-faced mustard sandwich.
And while it probably was safe to eat the Ramen afterwards, you have not seen the room I live in. My room equals wading through clothes on the floor and cigarette butts to get to the computer, pushing stuff off the bed to have somewhere to sit, (that’s why I sleep in my girlfriends room, really it is!) and daily fighting off spiders large enough that they could take down a buffalo at full run. Now these spiders are really creepy and probably pretty smart, I’d bet money that they could out-think me, and have most likely been crawling all over my mouse when I’m not looking. No matter how hungry I get, I would rather eat the cigarette butts(mmm…cloves…) than eat anything which might have spider poo in it.
Tom H:
“…I’m having difficulty picturing the second.”
You really don’t want to know. Trust me.