Why waste your time trying to figure it out? She sounds like she’s got a toxic attitude and the more you can limit your interactions with her—and any mental effort directed to understanding her behavior—the better.
In this particular case, I’d confront her again and ask – politely but firmly – what her problem is. After that, I don’t know.
During that “walking in” incident, did you actually get around to asking if she needed help with the furniture, or more to the point explain that that is what you had in mind? If not, perhaps she thought you were being quite forward and rude, and extrapolated from there.
What nationality is she? Is she from some culture that prohibits mixing with men?
Dear lord, you didn’t try to shake her hand, did you?!? :eek:
You get to have a bunch of cute, happy, legally-aged Asian chicks around you every day. What foreign woman can compete with that? I bet her anger is more directed toward them (jealousy issue, as others have said) but because she can’t take it out on them, she takes it out on you.
You can’t get along with everyone. Some people are just anti social.
Maybe this was it, maybe it was something else. Whatever triggered it, it’s pretty clear she’s creeped out by you and now doesn’t want anything to do with you. Who cares why? Maybe you did something that made her uncomfortable, maybe she’s just looney-tunes. You’re never going to get any satisfaction from wondering about it. Just ignore her from now on.
She probably feels vulnerable being a young, single woman in a strange country, and perceives you (correctly or incorrectly) as hitting on her.
Or maybe it’s something eles. In any case, if you know you haven’t intentionally done anything to warrant hostility, and it doesn’t affect your job, then it’s best just to back off. Sometimes people just don’t like you and you never know why.
I have to say that I think “escalating” the issue and becoming more aggressive in asking “why don’t you like me” is the worst thing you could do. That would just aggravate the situation and make you seem creepy and needy. Better just to back off and ignore her completely. You made an offer of friendship. The ball is in her court now to return or not. If not, who cares?
What’s weirdest is that you can hear so many of her phone calls. Your walls must be damn thin.
But you just need to ignore it as far as possible. Occasionally people take an irrational dislike to other people. It is particularly deflating if it’s someone you were looking forward to showing round the town or being friendly colleagues with, but pushing it would make it worse.
She’s not on a gap year or something is she?
This could be a very big issue if she comes from a.) very conservative background b.) has had problems with men who don’t respect boundaries c.) had an overbearing male relative your age, or d.) comes from a family or culture where privacy is a big issue. I’ve always lived in houses or apartments with a lot of people. Personal rooms or even spaces become sacrosanct in such close quarters. It’s the only way to mentally survive. And yes, the handshaking could be a problem if you stuck your hand out first. It really is common courtesy to either wait for a woman to extend her hand or ask if she follows that custom. I would ask her sincerely if you had done anything to offend her, maybe even mentioning the doorway incident. And if she was offended, apologize, and promise you will be more careful in the future
It might be one of those Marty McFly “don’t call me chicken” triggers.
When I was at uni, my girlfriend’s roomie had a bong and she told me I should borrow it. One day when the roomie was out, I was walking past her room I saw it sitting there, and since she’d been so insistent about borrowing it, I stepped in and grabbed it. When she got home she went totally fucking ballistic and never spoke to me again - not because of the bong, but because I’d been in her room without permission.
At the time I was really pissed off, but now I realize I overstepped the mark (I’m not a very private or possessive person and wouldn’t be bothered about that sort of thing, so assumed nobody else would be), but also think I triggered a reaction that was stronger than most people would have had. Some people have triggers, and some have 'em about perceived invasion of personal space. Your neighbor is probably one of them. (And a bitch.)
This is my guess as well…
One esteemed SDMB poster was also teaching English abroad, and would occasionally let little digs fly about her female students, and how her fellow ESL teachers (the men she worked with) were more interested in the “little local sluts” (I think those were her exact words) than they were in hooking up with her, a nice American girl.
Funny thing is, I don’t recall any Dopers calling her on her bitterness and spiteful attitude.
There’s a standard trope in comic literature of people’s actions being misinterpreted in the worse possible light. It usually progresses with your character making it worse by trying to exonerate himself but only getting stuck to a tarbaby.
She thinks you barged in to make a pass, and she’ll never alter that. All you can do is back off and live it down, and hope that when she gets a boyfriend all he does is join her in giving you the stink-eye.
simple homer - where are you teaching? What city/province? I’m guessing you’re located in a Tier 3 city away from a more international place?
I would give it the old “can we reach detante, please? We’re both foreigners teaching here in the middle of China, our apartments are next to each other, our Chinese colleagues rightly or wrongly will “pair us up” as the resident foreigners (not as in trying to hook you up), as the resident English teachers we probably will appear more professional if we do some minimal coordination, etc, etc. Can we figure out a way to be civil and I’m happy to keep out of your hair as much as possible beyond that? How do you suggest we coordinate professionally and minimize any other interaction given that we life in adjoining apartments?”
If you do have this talk, do it in a professional setting. Eg, not anywhere near your apartment or her apartment.
I won’t try to pretend what’s going on in her head. Does she speak Chinese? Does she report into you or do you share the same manager? Is her China experience not the adventure she was hoping for? Is she just out of University and not really used to being so isolated? Hell, maybe your presence as another foriegner is intruding on her experience (it happens).
My experience in 25 years in China was that [sweeping generalization alert] foreign men tended to “tolerate” or be "less frustrated’ with China than foreign women. The dating pool was one aspect. The dating pool for the men seemed to be bigger (eg, usually a population of local Chinese women that wanted a “foreign experience” and a population of foreign women that generally didn’t find the local men attractive boyfriend material). Chinese universities or the managers there seem to have a well meaning but irritating double standard that was over protective of the foreign female teachers. The percentage of foreign women that were Chinese language students used to be much smaller than the men in my experience, and the % of foreign women who spoke decent Chinese was much smaller than the % of foreign men. (And speaking decent Chinese really changes one’s experience on China and the living situation).
If you can hear her phone calls through the walls, she can probably hear yours. It’s possiible that she has heard half a phone conversation that lead to a misconception about something you said. Also, if the walls are that thin, any other noise you make could be noticeable and some people have lower tolerances for noisy surroundings than other.
This is an absurd and frankly sexist interpretation of the situation.
Get over it and leave her alone. Whether she was creeped out by you entering her apartment, or whether there is some other issue, it’s her perfect right to dislike you if she wants.
If I had to guess, you’ve tripped her creepy meter and now its a case of ‘you know what you did, why are you pretending you dont’. As people have said, the more you do, the worse it seems.
Maybe she thought you were being a bit off with the way you were teaching a class of young women, then there was the apartment incident and it snowballed from there.
Otara
As someone who has been harrassed with “Why do you HATE me?”, I’d strongly recommend letting it go.
You know you haven’t done anything wrong to this person intentionally. Even if you did something unintentionally, you can’t undo it in a confrontation (however casual you make it). Some people are just cwazy and hate for no reason.
The only reason why I’d actually bring it up is if you two have to interact in a professional way, and her hateration is impeding that. I once had to put a “hating for no good reason” co-worker in check for that exact reason. I pulled her aside, asked her what the fuckin’ deal was, let her stammer out some lame excuses and then cry at her pitiful self, and then we agreed to get along. And we did. She probably switched her hatred towards someone else, but she was no longer a problem for me.
If it’s just a curiousity/hurt feelings then, let it go. You’ll come across as really creepy if you ask her to explain herself.