Why the Phobia of Eating Alone?

In My Humble Opinion
41

In the good old days people traveled for business in bunches. Today, unless I’m going to conference meetings, I go by myself. I bring a book, and never have had a problem with service. For one thing, I’m relaxing, and if service is a bit slow I’d never notice or even be happy at not being rushed.

I don’t go to really fancy places along, but to middle of the road ones.
No one at the next table has ever wanted to chat, but I’m not a chick from Montreal or anywhere else. :slight_smile:

When my wife is away I have no problems cooking for myself, but my father was in the restaurant business, and I cooked for myself for years in grad school with nary a TV dinner in the menu. I don’t do anything really fancy, because it is late enough when I get home, though I can.

At work I take my own lunch to save money and calories - anyhow our cafeteria went away, and lunch is a good time to read the Dope.

42

I don’t have a phobia of eating out alone. I have a phobia of being alone at a table, waiting for the waiter for several minutes while having no book with me and nobody to chat with (even if I had a book, bringing it out would be so impolite, yanow?)

It’s a very rare ocasion when it takes me more than one minute to figure out what is it I want to eat. If you have a menu outside, I don’t even need you to bring me a copy, just to take my order. Can you please take my whole order and not just ask for drinks? Oh, you’re used to asking for drinks, then bringing them, then leaving so people have time to figure out what they want, then asking “do you know what you want yet?,” receiving a negative response and coming back a bit later. Well, I happen to not be my brother (who can spend upwards of five minutes trying to choose between spaghetti bolognese and penne with sausage bits, I’ve been known to tell him to “stop talking until you’ve figured out what you want, please, or I’m going to have your ears for lunch, slowpoke”).

The food finally arrives. I eat it. It may be good, it may be bad, but in general it gets eaten.

Wait some more.

There’s waiters in sight but they’re busy.

Wait some more.

There’s no waiters in sight.

Wait some more.

See a waiter who isn’t carrying anything. Try to catch his/her attention. Succeed, or maybe not.

Wait some more.

Finally get the desserts menu. Depending on how advanced digestion is by then, ask for the note instead.

I. Just. Hate. Waiting!

Since un-posh places are less likely to have this problem, when I eat out alone I look for un-posh. Mom’n’pop places don’t believe that waiting enhances the flavor of their chicken.

The last time I ate out I was with Mom. When we arrived there was nobody else waiting to be served. By the time the head waiter came to tell us where to sit, there were three other couples: one mixed, the other two male. The waiter adressed only men until she realized that there were two women left(over).
This isn’t something I’ve encountered often, but if I’d been alone I would have moved to another place at that point :mad:

43

I always feel bad for reading a book while eating at a restaurant, unless the place is dead. I always feel I shouldn’t dawdle so that someone else can use the table and the restaurant can make more money.

Mostly when I travel for business I get something delivered, for several reasons:

  1. I live in the sticks and NO ONE delivers out here. Not even DominHoes. It’s a real treat for em to have someone actually bring me food directly to my doorstep.
  2. I can buy a six pack of my favorite (or local) beer, eat my food, read my book, and never have to think I’m inconveniencing anyone.
  3. It’s cheaper :slight_smile:
44

This problem seems to be the worst at dinner time. No one cares if your eating breakfast alone or lunch. Heck reading or working during those meals in a restaurant is seen as normal, especially in hotel restaurants. But come supper time your deemed pathetic if dining alone. I doesn’t stop me and if I am lonely I’ll eat at the bar and chat with the bartender.

However I’m not sure that all those waiters think you are a poor lonely person. I’m sure more than one has thought, ‘attractive woman eating alone’…

45

Slight hijack: Best conversation I ever heard while walking by someone using a pay phone:

I got a gun by myself! I got a tatoo by myself! I can certainly go to the movies by myself!

46

I could, but I would prefer not to if I could have company. My own clever thoughts don’t amuse me much anymore, frankly, and I don’t crave, need, or even enjoy solitude. I am a herd-living animal, and its not better or worse than being solitary, it’s just what I like.

In addition, I was raised to believe that doing activities while eating food prepared with reasonable care (ie, reading, watching tv) was incalculably rude and an insult to the chef, except maybe at breakfast. I would NEVER bring a book into a restaurant other than a diner-type or fast food joint. I also find it way too awkward to handle a book, knife, fork, etc all at once – I also can’t read in the tub without mucking it up somehow.

47

I quite like eating alone. It’s not that I don’t also like (or prefer) company, but I can go to a restaurant alone whenever and wherever I like. I’m single and live alone, I do many things alone, and I’m old enough and experienced enough in relationships and friendships not to worry about being a loser, so that side of it is ok. The only downsides for me are practicalities like the fact that I absolutely LOVE going out for dim sum, but you need several people for that, IMHO, just so you can get to sample more stuff.

48

I love being alone–seriously, I probably enjoy my own company more than anyone else’s. But I hate being by myself in public. I just feel terribly self-conscious if I try to do something that’s typically considered a social activity without a companion. So going to the movies alone is out, as is eating in a sit-down restaurant by myself. I even hate doing non-social activities alone, like sitting in the waiting room at a doctor’s office. I can’t figure out what to do with myself–I’m too nervous and distracted to actually read, so I either have to pretend to read or do nothing while awkwardly trying not to stare at anyone.

For some reason, having someone with me–even if we’re not talking–makes me feel less conspicuous and uncomfortable in public. But that’s just my neurosis (one of them, anyway ;)). I don’t think it’s weird or pathetic when I see other people eating in restaurants alone. I used to think it was odd, but now I can see the appeal. It just wouldn’t work for me.

49

I don’t mind eating alone at a restaurant, at all, and I also have to have either a book or my notebook with me. By choice it would be the former, but I’m so busy with school these days that I take my laptop everywhere with me.

But I probably do tend to eat more quickly than I would if I were with someone.

50

I have no problem going to a movie alone, but eating at a sit-down restaurant isn’t for me. Same goes for going to a bar alone. A lot of men seem to think a woman by herself is an open invitation to hit on or harass, even if she’s got a book and gives off no indication she wants to socialize.

51

I eat, go to the movies and take trips alone sometimes because otherwise I wouldn’t get to go, and I want to go. I read anywhere, including in noisy bars and sit down restaurants. I am of the high-tipping persuasion, though (at least 20-25%, more if they’re very attentive and don’t make me have to ask for drink refills), so I hope the waitstaff doesn’t mind me much.

52

I travel a bit for business and I enjoy eating alone, just me and a book. I don’t like it when a big pack of us goes to a conference and people want to meet up for dinner - I’d rather read and eat what I want in a place I chose. I do get annoyed at the stuff Nava mentioned - I swear sometimes the wait staff just forgets I’m even there. I’m a high tipper too, if they give me a chance.

I’ve taken vacations alone too, back when I was young and single. Again, I enjoyed those trips because there was no compromise - all Dr. Woo’s preferences, all the time.

53

I do believe you’ve hit on a great business idea here! A combination brothel and breakfast-all-day place…

You could call it Whoreffle House.

54

I don’t mind being alone, but I just don’t enjoy eating alone. The part of eating in a restaurant that’s waiting is best, IMHO, filled with pleasant conversation. When I’m alone in a restaurant I feel restless - it’s all noisy, which makes it harder to concentrate on my book, and I like food as a communal experience. I don’t mind eating alone at all at home.

I don’t like going to the movies alone because I like to share the experience. I’ll watch dramas by myself, but comedies aren’t as funny if the person you’re with isn’t enjoying them too, IMHO.

55

I enjoy it too but people seem to get so sensitive when I sit next to them and rest my hand on their thigh.

Its just my way of saying hello to strangers.

56

Which is why, in my experience (as somebody who eats alone quite a bit), you usually get fast and highly responsive service as a solo diner: They want to move out the single-tip table quickly in order to clear the space and allow a larger group to take its place. If they handle the solo table slowly, they’re only cutting their own monetary throat.

Of course, if the joint is slow and there’s no competition for tables, the above may not hold true; there’s no incentive to clear the space. But I don’t usually eat at places like that, so generally fast service has been the norm for me.

57

What bothers me about eating alone or attending a movie alone isn’t being alone. I can live in my own head just fine. What bothers me is other people’s attitude.

You’re sitting alone at a table for two. A group of five comes in and sits at the table for four and the designated alpha guy comes up, asks “mind if we use this chair” and doesn’t even wait for a reply before taking it. In theaters, you’re sitting three from the end of the row and group of four comes in and the alpha thug is “hey buddy, could you move down, me and my FRIENDS wanna sit here.”

When you’re alone, everyone else is more important than you and they’re more than willing to drive that point home.

In Europe, it was better. They’re all “ist hier frei?” You end up sitting with another lone stranger, or if a group joins you, you feel sort of included. In the US, the group pushes you aside and emphasizes the fact you’re ALONE and UNIMPORTANT.

58

In 4 years of high school I only at lunch about 6 times. I’d either go the library/computer lab or just sit outside the cafeteria. My senior year I was a yearbook editor so I’d usually spend my lunch periods in the yearbook office working on the yearbook or surfing the net by myself. Nowdays I don’t have any problems eating alone in public as long as it’s for breakfast or lunch. I’ll only eat dinner alone in a fast food place or a diner that has a counter. I won’t eat at the bar because of the smoke.

59

Um…because it sort of sucks?

For me, half the enjoyment of eating in a restaurant or going to a bar is socializing with the people in my group. I don’t feel like a loser when I’m eating alone. I simply don’t enjoy myself as much as I would if I had some company. And you can’t really meet new people in a restaurant because it’s considered a litle wierd to impose yourself on another party.

60

I’ll own up to that one. It’s when you’ve had a few pints in the pub that it seems weird.

I’ll happily eat alone, when I’m happy to be with my own thoughts. All too often a conversation with somebody else will be along the lines of “So how’s the shark steak?..Good, and the duck?..Good…” How enlightening.
Edit: there is a drawback - there’s nobody to look after your things when you go to the toilet. So if you’ve got a jacket on the back of the chair, or a bag or anything else with you, you look like you’re leaving every time you’ve got a full bladder.