Do not tell me, “I’ve been so horny, I’ve even considered paying a hooker. . .
. . .but I called you instead.”
:smack:
That actually happened to me. Really.
And in the middle of New Jersey, no less! :smack:
Don’t hit on me over IM. Your dorm room is on the same hall as mine. Don’t I at least deserve 20 steps???
Don’t tell me “It’s been so long since I had sex I’m not sure they even consider me a man anymore.” Now I’ve stopped considering you.
Don’t tell me on a first date that you have an inflammation of the scrotum. Ew. Also, don’t precede that by complaining for 10 minutes about the ‘treehugger’ scientists that believe in global warming.
Inviting your obscenely drunk and totally obnoxious friend to join us on our first date.
Or… even better…
Telling me at the end of the first date that you already made plans to sleep at my house, because you’re too drunk to drive home and it would be too expensive to take a cab back.
Better you find out then than during The Act Itself.
Chris Noth took you to the Olive Garden ? Cheap bastard !!
I can’t imagine throwing my arm around a woman’s waist and proclaiming, " That’s My Girl ! " even if I’ve been with her for years.
Smacks of proprietary attitudes. She’s not property.
Cartooniverse
Hey, he only tried to take me to the Olive Garden. He didn’t succeed.
He really did say “nice Italian place.”
As he was pulling into the Olive Garden, I thought he was playing a joke on me.
He wasn’t.
I stammered something about not really liking the Olive Garden.
He said, “Well, the only other place I know around here is Fridays…”
I said “Great! Friday’s it is!”
Had to have been the only time in my life I was ever excited about going to TGIFriday’s.
And I can assure you, this is the only time this guy has been, or will ever be, mistaken for Chris Noth.
I should have listened when my ex did this before we got together. Now I know better and hear “…and the minute we part, I’ll be badmouthing you at the end of this list!”
Allergic to many perfumes, so that’s right out. Hate the taste of tobacco in a woman’s mouth, so no more of that. Anything else and I think “I wonder what I’m going to end up tasting. No thanks.”
Putting me down, acting like you don’t really like me, disrespecting me, insulting me. Then maybe you want action but aren’t sure and want me to chase after you. (Yes, this has happened to me.) Nope. I deserve a lot better than that.
Don’t ask me to recommend a restaurant, and when I suggest a lovely family-owned Italian place (NOT Olive Garden) ask the waiter if you can get something like you get at Red Lobster.
On the same note, don’t come over to my house for homemade tacos and skip the homemade salsa in favour of ketchup.
I stopped reading after this one, so my apologies if I’m being redundant, but… so. damn. true.
I’m male, and thus am guilty of committing at least a few of the desperate moves listed here, but this one kills it every time. The “statue kisser” move is unbearable. So is the one where the lips are closed but the tongue is wiggled around. What am I supposed to do, suck it? Lick it back? Sorry, even in my most desperate state, I’m not going to suck on your floppy reptilian muscle while you sit there and act like it’s normal. Laugh, maybe. Continue? Not a chance.
Welcome to the SDMB. I see that you’re new here. Around here, it’s customary to read a whole thread before adding your post.
Because you didn’t do that, I’m not going to have sex with you.
Bitch, I don’t care what you read in cosmo, it does not us on if we’ve already gotten into your pants seven times and you still do some stupid move where you pull away and won’t kiss for more than six seconds. Yes, I timed it
Yeah, seven times. I’m not a quick learner, and I loved that ass.
Don’t call me (OK, it wasn’t really me) after I give you my business card and leave this message. (Go down to the 18th post and click on the audio file.) I cannot seem to get the link to work when I go directly to youtube, therefore I have linked to the message board where this is embedded, which works for me. That is OK, right?
Ok, what’s this one mean?
tesseract, that voicemail is just perfect. I haven’t even finished listening to it yet, and I’ve already decided that my favorite part is “I’m giving you an opportunity here.”
Beautiful.
ETA: I was wrong. “Here’s how it’s gonna work,” is soooo much better.
Damn, and I was sure that one would get you to bed.
Forgive the 4-year lurker for jumping on an opportunity to criticize his ex.
Anyway, it’s not you, it’s me… give me a little time to cool down, maybe we’re meant for each other. Even if we aren’t, let’s be friends… my mom really liked you.
Huh. I’ve always referred to that as a ‘Bronski’.
Anyway, I can’t believe the complete douchebaggery in the audio file tesseract linked to. I’m truly gobsmacked over some of the stuff that ass what saying, and how in love with himself he is.