Jezebel’s recent piece The Unfuckables is a funny rundown of specific things men did that kept the writer, and many posters, from considering sex with them (number 12 is ‘Telling me how hard you are going to fuck me is only hot when we are a) naked and b) on the verge of fucking. In a well-lit bar in front of 10 of our colleagues at a work event, it’s presumptuous and gross.’ Comments include: ‘Don’t explain your affinity for Black women by saying, "I saw this porno once, and there was this White guy eating out a Black chick and I thought One day, I want to be that guy! "’).
Pretty much a ‘What not to do when hitting on someone or while on a first date’ free-for-all (guys weigh in, too, with gems like ‘Don’t name my penis and talk to it in a baby voice’).
Feministe did a follow-up called How Not to Get it On that includes the gem: Don’t tell me you know “this great little Italian place” and then take me to the Olive Garden.
Anyone else have helpful dating tips based on personal experience?
I know someone who was in this EXACT situation once. He said that he went through with it (duh and ew simultaneously) but the sound of the plate’s suction releasing is now something he hears in his nightmares.
Mine: Don’t be a bad kisser. If you drool, stick your rigid tongue in my mouth and move it strictly clockwise, or suck my tongue so hard that the little flap underneath starts to give way, there’s no way I’m letting you get hold of my vagina.
When going in for a nice “hello” or “goodbye” peck on the lips, make sure that’s all it is. Flicking my lips with your tongue, very reminiscent of lizard, not cute or sexy, just “Eeew, WTF?”
And when surprise and dislike are communicated the first time, don’t do it AGAIN!!
Don’t say anything like “That’s my girl” on the first date. I’m not your girl, and now you’ve made sure I never will be. Oh, and Reservoir Dogs for an at-home dinner-and-a-movie-date, you’re sure not to get laid.