Well folks, we got trouble, trouble right here on our farm. Trouble that starts with T that rhymes with B and that stands for bunnies.
It seems we have a pair of cute fuzzy bunnies living right next to the house. They hop around, eat clover and just look cute in general.
Well today when I came home from work, my two dogs met me at the door with a tale so disturbing I tremble with the retelling of it. The conversation between Buck (6 year old Brittany), Jake (1 year old Brittany) and myself (just never mind how old I am) went something like this…
Me: How’s my boys doing? Who wants to come give me some loving?
Buck: Well really I want to but first we need to talk about the bunny situation.
Jake: Yeah the bunny situation, the bunny situation.
Me: Bunny situation? I wasn’t aware that we had a bunny situation.
Buck: Oh yes we have one all right and it has become intolerable.
Jake Yeah intolerable, intolerable.
Me: Oh really, do go on
Buck: Well the bunnies need to die
Jake: yeah die, die a lot
Me: Why do the bunnies need to die?
Buck: Well stripface started it.
Jake: yeah he did, I heard it
Me: Ok started what? heard What?
Buck: For three weeks now the bunnies have been harrassing us.
Jake: Nods
Me: How so?
Buck: They come to just outside the window and talk shit like, “look at my fluffy tail, look how fast I run, see how bouncey I hop”
Jake: nods repeatedly
Me: So?
Buck: Well today stripface said “Yes look how I hop and just smell how yummy I smell but Ha Ha suckers, you are bird dogs and bird dogs can’t eat rabbits so there”
Jake: yes they smell very yummy
Me: Well Stripface does have a point, you are bird dogs. Why should you care what he says or smells like.
Buck: I care cause today, while everyone was gone and no one was here to hear or see anything, the skunk, the possum, the raccoon, the deer, the fox, the coyote, and the groundhog all stopped by to sit just outside the window and sing the “you can’t eat me cause I’m not a bird song”
Jake: I heard it, they were just awful
Me: Well that is a bit rude but why do the bunnies have to die?
Buck and Jake: Cause the bunnies were carrying a sign that said “The you can’t eat me song” words and music by the bunnies. So you see, we are being made laughing stocks on our own property by a couple of interlopers. The bunnies must die!
Buck and Jake chanting: Bunnies must die, bunnies must die.
Me: Now you guys are just being ridiculous. I know you can see the bunnies from the window and it is driving you crazy not being able to get to them but I find it hard to believe all that other stuff happened. Now outside with the both of you.
Buck: outside is ok with me
Jake: yeah THEY are outside
Me: Ouside on your tie outs young men. And for goodness sake, stop thinking about the bunnies, you guys are becoming neurotic.
So what do you think? Should I believe them? Why would they lie?
I don’t see any lies here. That’s just the sort of thing bunnies do. I know because my springer spaniel Emily told me so. (Note, also supposedly a bird dog.) She kept the bunnies on OUR property in line.
Ok after listening to a whole weekend of whining and 'splaining on the dogs part, I am very tempted to just let them try to catch them in an effort to scare them off.
But these are just little barely more than baby bunnies and I’m afraid Buck might actually catch one. I really don’t want that.
But Buck told me this morning that ol Stripeface sat under the window and taunted him all night whispering in a voice so low that only dogs can hear it. Of course Jake backed up his story completely. Their story sounds very convincing.
“Mommy, daddy forgot to feed me this morning! Please feed me.”
“Daddy, mommy forgot to feed me this evening! Please feed me.”
“Hi there. My mommy and daddy never feed me and I’m starving to death. Please feed me.”
Dogs are wonderful, but you really can’t believe a word they say.
One thought - serious injury may result if a dog on a tieout (attached to collar) takes off at full speed after a bunny or other critter. When the rope reaches full length and snaps taut, it could cause choking or neck injury. So you might want to consider harnesses for the lads if they’re all worked up these days.
I don’t think the dogs are lying. Rabbits are prack-a-tick-aly squirrels. And the squirrels on our property drive our cat Fido to distraction. They’re so sassy, always flipping their bushy tails and running around the side yard.
It’s difficult to be eternally vigilant when you’re not allowed off the screened-in porch.
The dogs are telling the truth. I have seen this phenomenon with my own eyes, except that it was squirrels rather than bunnies.
My parents’ dog used to run around the neighborhood and bark at people in their own yards, so the folks installed an invisible fence. It worked beautifully, and the dog knew exactly where her boundaries were. So did the squirrels. They would sit about five feet out from where she could get to them and chatter at her, taunting her with their “You can’t get me!” And, since nothing would induce the dog to cross her boundary, she couldn’t. Evil, wicked squirrels. I have no reason to believe that bunnies are more honorable.
The You Can’t Eat Me Song (Bunny-specific version)
I’m too fluffy for my tail
Too fluffy for my tail
Bunnies always prevail
I’m too hoppy for my field
Too hoppy for my field
See my hoppy appeal
I’m a bunny, you know what I mean
And I do my little hop in the green grass
In the green grass, in the green grass yeah,
I do my little hop in the green grass.
I’m too tasty for my fur
Too tasty for my fur
So tasty cats concur.
I’m too tasty for this song.
With kind permission from the Fluffy Bunny Dog Taunting Society. To be accompanied with appropriately fluffy mocking gestures.
My Chow is tormented by 'possums. The other night at 2:30 AM it was a large raccoon, who wouldn’t budge even though Bear tried to go through the livingroom window after him. He just sat on the fence and stared.
We have little teeny bunnies out back here at work. They look so innocent and sweet. Now I know.
