Right. But my point, which I see I should have made clear, is that many people hide behind, “Well, she didn’t kill herself or get institutionalized, so obviously she got over it!”
And in some examples, I’m talking about children or teenagers (“crucial stage of development”). Yes, they grow up, they have seemingly normal lives, but who knows what was taken from them, what more they could have been or done, if they hadn’t been soured at an early age?
Just IMAGINE the colossal human potential that is lost.
What if we were all able to go through life without all of this heaped on our shoulders.
What a world that would be.
Oh, I know all about that, believe me.
You know why, don’t you? Because rape apologists are afraid to post in this thread. There’s no protection for the I Don’t Like It When It’s Not About Me men, like there is in the rest of the Dope. We’d be on them like the Erinyes and they know it.
Speaking as a psychotherapist, women who had these experiences in the 50s and 60s did not get over it any more than later cohorts. Many of them have not talked about it outside of therapy because their shame and sense of personal failure is too high.
Also, a surprising number of the women you see around you who are morbidly obese were seriously sexually assaulted, often in their youth. They pack on the pounds as a subconscious way of insulating themselves. Literally armour, making them unattractive and keeping them from the kind of male attention they fear.
Think about that the next time you’re feeling a little judgmental about the fat lady you saw at the store!
It may not even be subconscious or “emotional” eating. Constant cortisol is really efficient at packing on central body obesity even with normal eating and exercise patterns. Consistent stress response and feeling helpless is associated with shorter telomeres, earlier death, lowered immune functioning, increased autoimmune disorders, and connective tissue disorders.
I can’t imagine any rape apologist posting on this board, period. Like I said earlier, people who think this kind of thing is OK are very unlikely to admit it unless they know they are in a place, online or real life, with people who at the very least do not disagree with them.
The same thing is true for men, although the motivation may be a little different.
It’s actually true for people with addiction issues of any kind, be they alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. and that includes eating disorders.
All of this is true, and it doesn’t even take sexual assault to cause it; the regular, normalized degredation of women (and minorities, and non-gender-normative people) results in all kinds of chronic health problems that do not exist in primitive cultures that do not have these kinds of moralistic strictures and enjoy strong social bonds.
This is a good reason to strive for greater acceptance and protection of women, minorities, et cetera; quite aside from the humanistic morality of just treating people decently because it is the right thing to do, it also results in fewer health costs and behavioral problems resulting in greater productivity. Treating all people with decency and fairness is a net positive for society at large, and it doesn’t cost a fucking dime.
Stranger
QFT (and a shout to a fellow headshrinker). Probably two thirds or more of my clients who have symptoms related to trauma also struggle with their weight and overall health. It’s all in your mind except it really, really isn’t.
This also plays a part in generational poverty issues as well, FWIW.
Outright say “Hey, rape perfectly is fine”? No. Imply things and deny things and belittle people’s experiences and use the narrowest possible definition of “rape”, in a way that adds up to “The stuff I do, or want to do, or talk about doing, is perfectly fine”? It seems like they’re everywhere these days. (See: the latest Arving Startist circus)
I’ve been avoiding that on purpose.
Absolutely.
Let’s not jump the gun on that one. There are lots of reasons to be fucked in the head that don’t include sexual abuse (Hi, my name is Kobal and I’m an addict). Violence, abandonment, isolation, yadda yadda. Or, you know, just shit being addictive, falling down the hole and not knowing how to get out.
Yes, let’s be clear: Trauma (particularly abuse, more particularly sexual abuse, and even more particularly childhood sexual abuse) is a risk factor for substance abuse and addiction. As it is for suicidal ideation and attempt, weight struggles and eating disorders, depression and other mood disorders, etc etc etc.
Which is to say that people with a trauma history are more inclined to addiction. Not the other way around.
So I haven’t read the whole thread but I did want to share my pretty minor story and ask a question of some of the others in this thread. I want to preface this by stating that I wasn’t raped. In this encounter, I wasn’t touched at all. I also wasn’t particularly traumatized. I don’t want my minor story to drown out others.
When I was in college, I worked a lot of jobs, including one overnight job on Saturday and Sunday (mornings). There was a tradition at this college that, on the days of home football games, people would dress up in costumes and go to the bars extra early. Everyone would be done around 8 am, which is, funnily enough, when I would get off work. I’d walk home in the early morning, dodging glitter and vomit, to go collapse and sleep for as long as possible. One of these mornings, I was walking home, carrying an orange umbrella and minding my own dang business. I was about to pass a group of three men in stereotypical, racist mexican ponchos when one of them asked if I would like a piece of gum. I turned and the middle one had his poncho lifted and was flashing me his flaccid and, frankly, disappointing penis. Since I hadn’t slept in almost two days, I did not have enough energy to even respond, so I just walked away. They all laughed at me while I left.
I didn’t report because I didn’t know their names. I wasn’t actually injured. They were pretty generic looking so what help could I be? I brushed it off.
I wanted to share this to ask the question - What should I have done? I remember at least one poster saying something along the lines that flashers would be treated more harshly so they had been told to report that their assailants had been flashing them.
I will say, if I saw that man being appointed to some high court, I’d hope I’d have the courage to speak up. Even though I wasn’t traumatized, I think showing your penis to people for laughs isn’t behavior becoming of a judge.
There is no reason the causality can’t go both directions, and I expect it does. People who experience traumas are more likely to have substance abuse problems, and people with substance abuse problems are more likely to experience trauma.
I was thinking more of the childhood trauma history elbows originally described, but you’re absolutely correct.
And we already were. I’m hoping we scared off the rest.
I will otherwise remain silent and listen, since I don’t have my own story.