My wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer and is having chemotherapy. The doctors say that about Christmas day (give or take about five days) she will be having major hair loss. I was thinking it would be a nice gesture for me to shave my head too. Then I thought she might feel it was making fun of her.
What do you think?
If it were me I would think it was a sweet gesture, but I don’t know how your wife is feeling right now. Ask her if she would feel better if you were both bald for the holidays and see what she says…who knows, she might prefer to live vicariously through your hair or something.
She might also not be happy if your hair grows back in before hers does.
Then again, you could go to a New Years’ Eve party as Dr. & Mrs. Evil.
Sorry that you and she have to go through this.
Is there a reason you can’t ask? Something like, “I’d like to shave my head as we fight this cancer as a gesture of solidarity. Would that be good?” I could see her being touched by the offer, but I could also see her not wanting a constant reminder of the ordeal which your shaved head may be. I hate surprises. Does your wife like surprises?
eh --already answered. What pbbth said.
For whatever it’s worth, and of course everyone’s situations is different, but here’s what another husband said of his decision to do the same. (4th question from end)
Your gesture is incredibly touching and best wishes to your wife for a full recovery.
Yes, my wife does enjoy surprises, well, good surprises. The cancer came as a bad one, so she was not crazy about that one. And since we are cutting back on Christmas presents this year because of the medical costs, I thought this would kind of be a sort of present too…maybe. That’s why I’m bouncing it off you guys. I figured I would keep me bald as long as she was.
I knew a guy in high school (well, still know him) who in his junior year got diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease. When his hair started to fall out and he shaved it, all his friends surprised him by shaving theirs too. I get a little something in my eye thinking about it.
I definitely think you need to ask her to find out whether it would be a gift she would appreciate. If you want to surprise her, how about Photoshopping the hair off a picture of you and putting it into a card with an offer to shave your head? That way you can find out her reaction before taking the plunge.
I do think it’s a great thought, and I hope everything goes well for your wife.
After reading this, I was trying to think of a way that you could ask her without asking her. Maybe a close friend of hers could offer–but someone TVtimeWife couldn’t possibly accept the offer from. Maybe it could happen in your presence and you could feel out TVTWife’s thoughts after the fact. I could hear you saying, “Wow can you believe CF asked that?” as an opening.
The problem is that proposal is Seinfeldish with possibilities that things could go way wrong. —That’s why I hate surprises! Sure there’s great potential for reward, but there’s great potential for catastrophic failure too.
IMHO, Yes.
When my son went through Chemo in 2007 and lost his hair, I (and my brothers who live 16 hours away) shaved ours. He really appreciated it.
(And now, he’s cancer-free and we continue to keep our hair at least 1/4" cut short as we learned how great and maintenance-free it is to buzz-cut our hair at home!)
I think you should do it since it means “we’re in this together”.
If your hair grows back faster than hers, you can always shave it again.
I think it’s wonderful that you’re willing to do it.
do it, IMHO. It’s the gesture that counts. If you ask her she will most likely say not to do it. I would wait untill hers falls out though. Best wishes to you and your family. And to you Yossarian.
It’s so very sweet that you are wanting to do this for her! OTOH, I can see two vastly different reactions to it. Not only do I not know your wife at all (let alone know her enough to predict), but after a shock like this, she’s probably not really quite herself, so even you couldn’t really predict.
I love the idea of enclosing a photo-shopped image of yourself in a holiday card to gauge her reaction. Also, if you’re looking for a gesture of solidarity she can ignore if she so chooses, try getting her a couple of knit caps. It’s cold out right now (at least in my part of the world), and a lot of body heat is held in by your hair. If you know her favorite colors, you could have ones custom-made. In fact, there are probably quite a few knitting dopers who would do it for you for cheap!
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( ^^ sorry that was me)
You can get her opinion and still surprise her. Say something about shaving your head while you’re off for Christmas, what does she think? Then the next day she wakes up and you’re bald.
When my mom lost her hair after chemo, my aunt thought about shaving her head too. My aunt made the mistake of telling her doctor about her thoughts, and he counselled her not to do it because she “had an odd-shaped head.” Of course, my aunt being my aunt, she made the second mistake of telling everybody about it. I don’t think I ever saw my mom laugh about anything so much in the five years she fought cancer.
I’m laughing about now, thinking about my aunt’s doctor gravely telling her she had an odd-shaped head.
The local cancer society is getting her a number of caps (with hair sticking out on a couple of them) for Christmas. I actually have an old Davy Crocket cap I would use. Her family is getting her a couple of wigs for Christmas.
My only advice would be that make sure that you both have nice, warm knit caps to wear through the winter. You can’t imagine how cold your head can get.
I think it is a sweet gesture - if you do it I hope she thinks so too.
Sending healing thoughts to your wife.
I wasn’t fishing for these, but to those who have sent them, thank you very much.