Got two weeks! Lets hear some input!
Ground rules:
No Midgets, Transvestites, 18-year old Japanese Twins (and thier Mother), animals, loaded weapons, needles, Martha Stewart, “Miracle-Whip”, mechanical Bulls, accounts and descriptions of Major League Baseball or maple syrup.
Fagjunk Theology: Not just for Sodomite Propagandists anymore!
“No Midgets, Transvestites, 18-year old Japanese Twins (and thier Mother), animals, loaded weapons, needles, Martha Stewart, “Miracle-Whip”, mechanical Bulls, accounts and descriptions of Major League Baseball or maple syrup.”
Well, it looks like you’re just not going to have ANY fun now! 
I’m a poor source for debauchery suggestions but will offer that when my family units are out it’s become high time to catch up on some loud rock 'n roll, guy movies and less than perfectly healthy food groups… think Physical Graffiti, John Carpenter’s The Thing and ribeyes. Plus, you get to fart in bed.
So sheep are OK then?
I’m just setting up the next poster.
My wife was gone for a couple of weeks recently. Whiskey, cigars and pr0n. Made work tough the next day, but these opportunities don’t come along often.
My needs are simple. Dinner at the Waffle House or the Chinese or Indian buffets, followed by a few beers at the Legion hall.
Perhaps one of those evenings might feature a card game. Perhaps another might feature an innocent visit to a gawker’s bar. Perhaps.
While the practice likely originated there, sheep now are also AK, LA and KS.
If you comeout of this w/o requiring antibiotics and detox, you weren’t really trying.
I think you should deep clean all the carpets, throw out all your old magazines and files, and repaint the living room.
think how pleased your spouse will be when she comes back–that satisfaction is enough food for any man.
Ok, maybe not. Just don’t get arrested…
Beer! Enough to take up at least a shelf in the fridge.
I’d say rent all the James Bond movies or anything else they hate to sit through.
::rips up suggestion list::
Damn, you’re no fun.
If you have to ask, your not the type,
No! Do NOT do this! This is The Voice of Experience speaking here. 
If you do this: When she gets back, she’s gonna take a long look at what you’ve done, then her shoulders are gonna sag, she’s going to start crying, and then she will say…
“You don’t NEED me any more!”
Either that, or she’ll get that “suspicious” look (a little like this guy: :dubious: ), and ask you: “OK, what did you do now?”
:smack: Too late!
Got that covered! Homebrew and storebought, too!
Why don’t you do something dramatic like redo a room in the house? Paint it, get new curtains, re-arrange the furniture.
Keg party!
Just reply, as you look around quickly… “Nothing… have you heard anything?”
And make sure you’ve painted over or recarpeted over the chalk marks.
Hell, we’re not all Aunt Bea!
I would probably mulitply orgasm if I came home and my husband had done what I said…
gato --are you out on bail? (or is it bond–I dunno!)
Mr. Moto’s on the right track – Waffle House!
–Cliffy