Not her IRL friends, but a group of online friends she feels fairly close to (and they have expressed the same feeling). Her birthday’s today, and it’s the same day as another’s birthday in the group. They remembered that it’s his birthday (because, well, because she mentioned it) but forgot hers is the same day.
She’s a little sad about it, not like crying but bummed.
I have an impulse to tell one of them privately to wish my wife a happy birthday publicly.
But I have another impulse to leave well enough alone because it’s not my business, and because, well, to be honest, I think my dear wife has a skewed idea about how important others’ birthdays are to people.
(My wife of course is no hypocrite–she very carefully marks down the birthday of practically every person she knows and is absolutely sure to remember to say something on that day. So clearly it’s important to her. But when this is not reciprocated, she feels bummed. And I have to admit that I don’t think she should–I think she’s assuming this all means a lot more to people than it actually does…)
My sister’s birthday is the same as mine (different years), and she lives out of town. A few years ago she happened to be visiting on the weekend of our birthdays, so we invited some of the relatives out to dinner (having more to do with her being in town than our birthday). As the dessert time was approaching, sure enough, the waiter came over with a birthday cake and placed it right in front of my sister. We all sang Happy Birthday to her, and she blew out the candles and started digging into the cake. My partner added “and (Panache) too” at the end of the song. That was the only mention of my birthday all evening, even though everyone there knew we had the same birthday; they have known it since I was born. Then the other guests started passing along gifts to her . . . at which point I said I had a headache (which was true) and my partner and I left. None of them ever mentioned this to me.
Without getting into the whole birthday thing, I’ll just say that I endorse your plan to leave well enough alone concerning her online friends. Do something nice for her yourself as reminder that her best friend won’t forget her birthday.
Wow, panache45, those are some crappy relatives of yours. My condolences.
I agree with TriPolar; stay out of it but do something nice for your wife (which you should do anyway).
But I agree, birthdays are not that important to most people, and if you want a big deal made out of your birthday after age 16 or so, you need to throw a party and invite people.
My wife’s friends forgot her birthday. When she started complaining about it (about 10am on the day of), I texted them and told them to get their asses in gear. Well, not so much that, but I did remind them of it. They all called.
Never told my wife I did so, either.
This isn’t an issue where you want to score points or to “show her something” or whatever, just let them know so she can be happy. It’s important to her that she be recognized on her birthday and, really, that’s all there is to it. Do what you can so she gets some recognition.
You can’t be serious. Taking any action is fraught with danger. Informing one of his wife’s friends will directly result in said friend accusing wife of getting her husband to fish for birthday greetings. This will result in break up between wife and friend which will be blamed on husband. It’s inevitable. Don’t you watch TV?
You jest, but my wife has gotten mad at me for poking friends to remind them about her birthday. A “congrats” doesn’t really mean anything if someone has to poke you into giving it.
I routinely call my mother so that I can slip in the conversation that it’s X’s birthday. Otherwise she forgets, even if it’s her own child, and even though I make a photo calendar each year thar lists all the birthdays.
So, sure, if your wife cares about such things, let her friends know so that she’ll feel better.
Bullshit. Jezus, no one is a mind reader. If you want something, ask for it, or get a trusted delegate to ask for you.
Congrats are congrats, no matter what reminds you they are due. If a reminder from the husband is what does it great, if a note on your calender does, awesome. If ever-loving-Facebook pops up a little flag, well that’s nifty too. Any well-wish from one friend to another is a positive good.
Well, we’ll have to disagree. A fake “congrats” because someone had to go tell them to do it is meaningless to me. If that kind of superficial interaction is what does it for you, more power to you.
Oh, come on people. You don’t go and tell the friends that it’s her birthday. You drop in and make hints. You ask them for advice on whether she’ll like the gift you’re going to give her, or something like that.
And that Dave Berry quote is absolute bollocks. You’ve got 16 and 21 in there, for starters. Plus even my parents still get stuff on their birthday, and they gave their parents stuff. And even if you don’t want a big deal made, just saying “Happy Birthday” is not a big deal. I’d question how close a friend you are if you don’t at least do that much.
I have this problem with our kids. Do I call them a few days beforehand to remind them of Mom’s birthday or do I trust that they will remember? A few times one or the other of the boys has waited 'til the very last moment (like 11:30) to give mom a b-day call or even not called at all. Fortunately my wife either doesn’t care that much or she hides it well.
If your wife is the type to get bummed if someone doesn’t make a big fuss over her day, then you have to take action ahead of time. Like dropping hints to everyone that her day is coming.
That’s different. You have the responsibility to make sure your kids remember their mother’s birthday for the rest of your life. On top of the more specific guilt rules, it also falls under the general catch-all of you can tell them anything you want until they’re older than you are.