Wildlife Adventure: Squirrel Stories

Howdy Neighbor! Didyaknow there is a squirrel in your screened-in porch?

Yesterday at about 8:30pm my neighbor came over to inform me of a critter visiting. I thought that that explained my cats all being in the pool area.

“No kibble necessary tonight, Mom. We’re going to have us a SQUIRREL!”
I imaged the three of them thinking.

But no. I went out there and they were lazing lying around watching the heat lighting, completely oblivious to the florida-sized grey squirrel parked on the INSIDE crossbeam. (Florida-sized meaning: about six inches of critter and six inches of poofy tail to flick. Compared to squirrels in northern states ours are puny.) I sidled over to just below the squirrel and it just sat there. Its little toes were gripping the crossbeam and its eyes were WIDE OPEN. It was very, very, very, very, still. I was talking to it like it could understand me, asking if it was alright, feeling okay, did it have rabies? the logical things that one asks a wild critter in the house.

It ignored me until I waved a broom handle at it. Then it raced onto the screen and up to the pitched roof. I screamed and shooed the cats into the house.

And waited until MrLovCoffee got home from work at midnight. He herded the critter out into the back yard using the skimmer net for the pool. I have a healthy respect for the possibility of a wild mammal having rabies and that is why I screamed and ran away. As of yet have no idea how it got into the pool area.

Anyone else with a Squirrel Story?

No funny stories, but I do have a cute little Florida grey squirrel that visits my bird feeder. He’s pretty polite, and doesn’t empty the feeder, either. It’s fun to watch him crawl head-first down the chain it hangs from.

And you should find the thread about the dead squirrel that got dropped into a convertible. THAT was funny.

Squirrels are not considered to be much of a rabies threat in the U.S. CDC Cite.

It is not uncommon for squirrels living on a college campus to be semi-tame due to being fed by students. When I was at UT-Austin, there was one squirrel that would eat out of my hand. One day when I was feeding it, a motorcycle backfired, and the squirrel bit my finger. I hate needles and was not about to get rabies shots, so instead I made a list of people I was going to bite if I developed rabies. (This is a very satisfying psychological exercise.)

One of the campus buildings had a vending machine area that was roofed but otherwise unenclosed. Several times I saw a squirrel crawl inside a snack machine and come out with a bag of snacks.

I’ve had squirrel problems the whole time I’ve lived in my current house, (15 years). The latest battle involves my peach tree. This is the the first year the tree was big enough to hold full grown peaches. Unfortunately, it also holds full grown squirrels. The little bastards, climb up and grab the peaches, then they carry the them to the top of the fence, where they TAKE ONE BITE! Then they leave the peaches sitting on top of the fence posts. I’m sure this is so I can easily see their handiwork.

The last time I tried to have a garden, they did the same thing to the tomatoes. And they climbed the corn stalks, peeled the husks, and nibbled the corn.

The cushions on my outdoor furniture have holes from the squirrels scampering across it.
And thats just what they did outside. One winter they pulled the siding off the house and enlarged the hole in the outside wall where the cable cord was at, and moved into the attic. I can still see my husband armed with 2 super soakers going up the attic stairs, then hearing things being knocked over, and hime cussing, and the squirrels chittering.

Two words, hillbilly queen: pellet gun.

Back in the late 1990’s I lived in a different house. With a different screened in area.

But the cats were still allowed to view the great, HOT, Muggy, outdoors from within its confines. And look out upon the brick courtyard to the white crosshatched wooden fence. Beyond that was a row of bushes then a grassy area with trees, and finally the parking lot of our townhome community.

And there was this bull squirrel.

This squirrel one day realized that a) there were hungry kitties sitting on the porch watching it and b) they COULD NOT TOUCH HIM. So it would make a point to come down the tree and mosey across the up of the fence while the cats sat and watched.

I would look out there and see this squirrel stretched out along the top of the fence, sunning itself. And my cats would watch him and salivate. It would stand up to taunt them and throw pine cone shreds at them.

And I swear this is true–shake its “package” at my cats, just like a Chippendale dancer this bull squirrel would shake its “moneymaker” (sans garmet–and it was huge! For a six inch tall and all of maybe 1lb, he was hung like a . a, … a, well like a critter that should be about I don’t know, maybe weighing in at 8lbs). It was the strangest thing to see. And it went on for about 6-5 years.

When I was 17 MTV had just come to Lexington, KY and me, my sister and brother, and their friends, would sit there watching rock videos or the Ramones movie all summer long. Periodically a squirrel would hop up in the window; my mother had fed him a few peanuts so he’d decided to hang around the house. We would ignore “that dumb old squirrel” and go on watching TV.

Then the squirrel would slowly start waving his body back and forth, at which point we’d say “Hey look! The squirrel is dancing to the music!” So we’d throw a bunch of peanuts out on the porch. And then several more squirrels (as well as a few jays) arrived in the yard to help partake of the goodness.

My mother named this one Earl and he was there all summer. That year I left for college and I don’t know what happened to him, but he wasn’t there next summer.

When Fireman was a teen his parents went on a 3 month vacation, leaving the 16 year old in charge of the house :eek:
There was a squirrel that lived in the neighborhood who took handouts whenever offered.
Well, the boy who would be Fireman decided he needed a pet one day, and invited said squirrel inside.
Click! goes the latch on the door and Zoom! goes the squirrel; around the room paralell to the floor, (or ceiling, if one prefers) screaming and defecating at just under the speed of light.
Quick thinking Fireboy, opened the windows and doors and left! He stayed gone overnight.
When he returned in the morning, the living room, dining room one bedroom and one bathroom were quite the worse for wear. (an understatement, I believe.) One other thing of note, the answering machine had a message from wayward parents reminding him they would be home in 2 days. (that would now be 1 day!)
He learned a lot about repairing holes in drywall, carpet and tile cleaning, and painting in that one day.
He’s still terrified of squirrels.
And no, mom never found out… at least not until, well, he never told me not to talk about it…