Neighborhood Hazard (or: Why the Cops Won’t Patrol Brice Street)
Hysterically funny! Reminds me of Scylla’s Evil Nazi Groundhogs thread and other classics.
That is incredible! almost peed myself! Thank Og for Depends. My husband had a squirrel incident as a teen. Personally, I’m convinced all men are terrified of squirrels.
One not so pleasant thought, however, Rabies? Most squirrels don’t become enraged even when provoked…
You kidding?
On my former campus, there were really fat, dumpster-fed squirrels, who didn’t give a rat’s ass (so to speak) about humans. One day a squirrel got in my friend’s way, so my friend maliciously went “RAAAAHR!” and stomped on the ground, frightening the squirrel into a tree.
Then the cussing began!
This loud, chattering “chat-chat-jabber-jabber-jabber” that turned everyone’s head to gawk. The squirrel didn’t stop until my friend had crossed the full quad and disappeared from sight.
Everyone stared at my friend who had enraged the critter enough for it to continue to scream at her for almost ten minutes. Bad tempers those beasts.
We thought it ws funny. Robin didn’t so much.
Yeah, we had squirrels like that on my campus and they used to eat out of the dumpsters too. One time, apparently one carried a dinner roll up the tree I was sitting under and dropped it smooth on my head. I still think he did it on purpose.
Squirrels are very easy to make angry, even in Rabies-free England.
They are in fact the second most lethal animal known to man. (Llamas are the most lethal). But due to their habbit of burying their kills, few people are aware of the danger posed by an angry squirrel.
So few infact survive the attack of an angry squirrel, that it is a popular misconception that these creatures are completely incapable of anger.
Do NOT be placated by the cuteness of these little creatures.
A friend of my dad’s.we’ll call him Harry, was hunting squirrels one day(Yes, in the south some folks eat 'em).
He shot one out of a tree and it fell to the ground. He walked over to pick up his prize when he was distracted by the chattering of another a couple trees over. Just as he touched the “dead one”, he looked over to see if he could spot the other one. The dead squirrel “came to” without Harry noticing. Evidently Harry had not administered a fatal shot.
The squirrel IMEDIATELY latched on to harry’s little finger and bit it with all the power his little jaws could muster!
Harry tried to shake the critter off and all he got back was a bloody stub of a finger. Lost the whole tip of his pinky just below the fingernail. The squirrel then scampered back up the same tree, all the while chattering its curses upon the hunter that had attempted to do him harm.
Just be warned before you try to pick one up and pet it! Speak to it gently and calmly and DO NOT piss it off!
A friend of mine grew up with a huge mulberry tree in her back yard.
Every spring, when the mulberries were ripe, the tree was infested with squirrels.
It was a Sweden House for the little frickers.
Chattering constantly. And whipping mulberries down at their dog, which, when you are ten, is more than comical to watch from the saftey of the house.