He went to Cafe Risque? 
This is when you use the very fine English accent you’ve developed for just such an occasion and say “I beg your pardon!”
Seriously, I’m sorry to hear it. That sucks.
Dude, quite tying the red balloon to your wheel chair. Your eyes - they follow it!
Sorry - tomato + the phrase complete brain dead vegetable = red baloon = bad humor in my mind.
What is the big fucking deal? Everyone at the table can have a bloody menu, why even ask?
My daughter is three and she always wants a menu too, not because she can read it yet, just because everyone else has one. Just put the menus on the table in front of the diners, if one of them can’t use it, they won’t.
Was there some sort of menu shortage?
Sure right. Once, when I was eighteen, a waitress looked at my parents and asked them if I needed a kiddie menu. 
That happened to me twice (within a week) when I was nineteen (last summer). I’m 5’1", but I have boobs and everything; I don’t really understand. Also, I have a feeling I was older than the person who asked.
The kiddie menu thing has happened to me a lot less frequently in the past few years. I do not look like a kid, unless you glance at the top of my head (I’m 4’2"). I do look young, but not that young!
It’s easy to say “You should have done X” when hearing about a situation like this, but it’s not that easy to actually do it at the time. You don’t know the other person’s motivation; perhaps they’re trying to be polite but failing dramatically, perhaps they’re making ridiculous but ignorant (i.e., they simply don’t know better) assumptions about you, perhaps they’re an asshole. And these each would call for a different sort of response, and if you don’t know which one is in play…well, that’s the sort of problem I’ve had on occasion.
Usually the ones who’ve given me kiddie menus get a look like they want the earth to open and swallow them up in embarassment when it’s pointed out to them that no, I’m not a kid. Personally, I consider that lesson learned.
That’s nothing. My sister is eleven years, almost twelve, older than I am (she’s 34). Due to having two kidney transplants and the related drug issues, she never got much beyond 4’11".* Also, she’s unusually chubby (again, owing in no small part to the drugs), and in addition to any drug issues, big breasts don’t run in the side of the family she takes after. The upshot is that when sitting at a table, she looks very young.
I, meanwhile, am a strapping lad of almost-24 with a beard.
She’s gotten used to being offered a kids menu when we eat together, although it’s never quite beaten the time we were out. My brother and I, being twins, were both about 9 at the time. Robyn was handed a kids menu, and immediately ordered wine, then presented her ID to the poor waitress who had to deal with her on her 21st birthday.
- In completely hypothetical heels.
Good way of getting your food spit in. :eek:
DUDES! Complain AFTER you eat, never BEFORE. Never, EVER get nasty before you eat. Very, very important.
Carnick, what you should have done was have a quiet talk with the Manager *after * the family was done eating but before the bill was paid. Something along the lines of “I know the waitress didn’t know, but it is hurtful to me when someone says something like that.” This gives the Manager the chance to do something like comp the meal, or something like that. Be nice, do act a little hurt, never be angry.
The Tip should have been just the normal 15% minimum, unless the service was otherwise superb.
That’s nothing. My sister is eleven years, almost twelve, older than I am (she’s 34). Due to having two kidney transplants and the related drug issues, she never got much beyond 4’11".* Also, she’s unusually chubby (again, owing in no small part to the drugs), and in addition to any drug issues, big breasts don’t run in the side of the family she takes after. The upshot is that when sitting at a table, she looks very young.
I, meanwhile, am a strapping lad of almost-24 with a beard.
She’s gotten used to being offered a kids menu when we eat together, although it’s never quite beaten one time in particular that we were out. My brother and I, being twins, were both about 9 at the time. Robyn was handed a kids menu, and immediately ordered wine, then presented her ID to the poor waitress who had to deal with her on her 21st birthday.
- In completely hypothetical heels.
Maybe she recognized you from all those times you’d been there before and thought you might already know what you want. Do you order the same thing all the time?
Bah, I was trying to make her not look so bad but I see it’s not gonna work. Yea, that waitress needs to be talked to about the correct way to deal with people.
Carnick;
I would definately write to Roy’s about what happened. We eat at Roy’s resturants frequently and they are very responsive about about complaints. On our anniversery a couple of years ago my food was forgotten, then cooked wrong and the waitress was very cold. My husband wrote on the back of the receipt:
“No Aloha!” with our cell phone #. The manager called the next day and asked my husband about the situation. He then comped our entire meal, including the bottle of wine, and had a $100 gift certificate delivered to our condo. Needless to say we have returned to Roy’s many times since.
In addition, you really should let them know about your concerns so that what happened to you doesn’t happen to some one else.
Stephen Hawking probably looks mentally challenged to some people, or would if they didn’t know who he was.
I was thinking more along the lines of "CARNICK WANTS TO CLIMB A TREE! That’s a metaphor. You’re the tree.
Woulda been great if they had chicken pot pie on the menu.
At any rate, clueless waitress’s embarassment was probably the only training she needed.
I agree that the situation at the restaurant is awful and you should def. write a letter. I also agree that everyone ought to get a menu, regardless of age or what seem to be apparent abilities.
That said, sometimes it’s hard to differentiate the fine line between considerate and overly considerate. Taking that further, the distinction varies tremendously from person to person. Don’t get me wrong, I’d imagine that everyone trying to baby you on a daily basis gets very, very irritating- but how do I know if it’s ok to open the door (or something of that nature, ya know) that you are struggling with? Or help you up? Etc.?
If I see a disabled person struggling with something, I generally give them a second to handle it themselves. If they are still struggling with it after a minute, I’ll walk over with a cheerful smile and offer my hand. This normally gets received to what I’d say are 70% positive, nice responses and 30% jackass responses. I can only imagine that those 30% are either just plain ol’ assholes and/or they felt that I was being overly considerate.
My long, babbly point is just that sometimes, it’s hard to find that line. And, even if we have the best intentions and are walking that line as carefully as possible, it sometimes gets crossed.
Very true. I just got back from doing a couple of school presentations. When I spoke with the kindergarteners, there were at least two disabled kids in the class.
One of them–the one in the wheelchair–I think I dealt with properly. He didn’t have much control over his arms, so when I was walking around with the dog puppet for kids to pet, I placed it under his hanging hand and let him touch it, and then moved on. I don’t know if he got anything from it, but that’s the best I could think of in terms of helping him participate.
Another child was more difficult. I’m not sure what was going on with her, whether she’s got a disorder that prevents her from language, or a serious speech impediment, or whether she was actually speaking Ukranian (there’s a significant Ukranian population in Asheville), but she kept raising her hand and, when I’d call on her, babbling incomprehensibly at me. The first time she did so, I asked her to repeat herself and, when I couldn’t understand her, I nodded and moved on to the next kid. The second time I tried this ruse, a girl in front of her said, “Can you understand her? She’s got that thing with her head!” and I had to admit I didn’t know what on earth she was saying. But she was so eager to respond, and she was paying such close attention to what I said, that I continued calling on her when she raised her hand. Sometimes I could guess what she was saying, as when there was an expected answer; other times, it was back to nod-and-smile.
Sometimes it’s just not clear what to do.
Daniel
My favorite part is that the server addressed your mom, and not you.
It’d have been great to get the manager, and ask the manager (indicating your server), “will she be expecting a tip this evening?”
I’ve been known to choke in these situations. I know I’m supposed to let a disabled person let me know when they need help, but sometimes I think that (to me, anyway) it’s obvious the person can’t handle the task at hand and I’ll make a mistake. It’s not that people want to be rude. I think sometimes we don’t get enough experience dealing with the disabled to get comfortable with it. I hope that if I’ve made mistakes that I haven’t really hurt anyones feelings or offended them.
You know, sometimes it’s a “lose-lose”. If the disabled person is unable to read a menu, we get “How dare they place a fucking menu in front of my child who can’t read it! It hurts her feelings!”
It’s like “How dare men assume women can’t open a fucking door!”
vs “Where have all the damn gentlemen gone?”
Sometimes dudes assume everyone can read minds and know exactly how people want to be treated. Some PD dudes want to be helped, others hate it, others want help only when they need it- which most of us can’t determine without a medical chart *and * the ability to read it.
It’s like walking on eggshells. 
True, it doesn’t help that far too many dudes stomp with combat boots all the time, either.
Oh, I like that! Humorous, and sure as heck would get the point across.