People's Fucking Ignorance

The BBQ Pit
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Why is it that people have such a closed view on the world?? As anyone who knows me knows, I have a child with a disability. Why is it that people see the disability in a person but not the person?? Why is it that people, including professionals talk about him like he doesn’t exist? Why is it that people say poor you, it must be so hard on you? WTF is with that? In many ways I have it better than most parents. My son will never drive drunk, never physically harm anyone, never rob a bank, never snort coke.

I am always very honest with people about my son when we meet. I can tell within seconds whether this person is an accepting person, or a fuck head with no tolerance for anything but perfection.

I used to go out with this guy who never met my son. Thank god. He would get upset if we were interrupted on the phone, something childish I thought, yet he would say he couldn’t wait to meet him, yet he would tell others that it bothered him I had a child with a disability. Do I want someone like this in my life? Not bloody likely. Take the trash away Leo! Anyone who is a part of my life accepts my life the way it is, or isnt a part of it.

We are totally accepted for who we are in our community, yet step outside of it and people are just plain stupid. I know that some will say, well they are curious. Well then ask for christ sake, don’t stare, mock, mimic and generally act like assholes. People with disabilities are just that, People! Maybe everyone should spend some time with a person with a disability. It would surely give them a clear outlook on life.

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::Falls out in shock and disblief that CanadianSue started a thread in the pit::

After having met your child, I know what a truly special person he is, and that’s why he was given to you. The jerk you are speaking of, is just that, a jerk. You are so much better off with that (I wouldn’t call him a man in any respect of the word) male person out of your life and as far away as possible.

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Its more of a general overall intolerance, but yes you are right on that one Ultress, my view is pretty straightforward. If you don’t want to be a part of my total life, take a hike.

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Sorry you’re dealing with this. Hopefully for every jerk you meet with this attitude, you’ll meet another person who loves you and your son regardless of disability. I know I would!

Zette

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How old is your boy? What is his disability?

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Thanks Zettegirl!! And you are right, I have met people who are accepting and love us for who we are.

Nippleman, my son is 9 and he has what is labelled a global developmental delay. Very close to cerebral palsy but not quite. He is a medical mystery who bugs the doctors who can’t figure out what exactly happened. Except for medical procedures that are necessary, we stopped with the testing years ago because a label just wasnt important.

He walks with a gait, speaks only a few words, maybe 10, but communicates through his eyes, actions and a bit of sign language that he has learned.

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Sue,

What I have noticed about many others and myself is we sometimes don’t know what to say. I remember on several occasions thinking about what NOT to say, and consciously trying not to offend. That seemed like the wrong way to go in retrospect, and I now behave absolutely the same way around all people - treat people with respect unless they deserve otherwise.

A neighbor of ours is disabled. He is a young boy confined to a wheelchair, and cannot speak. We always say hello, chat sometimes. His grandfather is always ready to boast about the boy’s antics with the computer. This is not someone we think of as disabled (although we fully realize the hardship on the family), but rather the neighbor, who likes to install incompatible software on his Win95 machine.

The difficulty for many people is they just don’t know how to behave. The man you described, on the other hand, sounds like a bit of a self-centered ass.

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Sue, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You and your son are so lucky to have each other, and the folks who are too ignorant or arrogant to treat him like the wonderful, multi-dimensional person he is deserve the narrow, pathetic lives they must lead.

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What a wonderful mother. I hope my next wife is just like you!

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I’d say that that’s it exactly, but since we’ve got you here, Sue, maybe you could give some advice? I’ve never known someone with a disabled child, and so I’d bet that if I met you and your son, I be afraid of saying the wrong thing, etc, like the things you mentioned.

Do you cue people in on what to do? I was thinking: “This is my son, Tom, and he can hear you but can’t speak. Oh, there, he’s signing “Hi” to you.” That’s the sort of thing that I would like to hear, it would clue me in to talk “to” him and so forth. But again, I don’t know if that is something you feel comfortable doing.

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Ahhhh…its always the eyes isn’t it? Truly the windows to the soul.

Say hi to him for me…and tell him the BC Lions are gonna kick some Eskie butt next time we see them!!

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I stand and applaud! CanadianSue you are right; it’s a lot better if people ask. If you are not sure if holding the door open for someone in a wheelchair is “okay” just ask, “can I get that door for you?”.

If you are wondering why my cousin holds his ears during certain noises (most notably a siren) just ask. Don’t giggle or stare or act like somehow he’s embarrassing you. That drives me nuts.

I’m like you, I have no problem with people who just ask but I won’t tolerate a total waste of space that somehow feels people with disabilities are “worth less” than anyone else.

I’m proud to know you and anyone who says anything like that about your son needs to have his puny brain examined.

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As a man in his mid-50’s, I have some historical perspective. The whole world is becoming more selfish and self centered, and the more prosperous people become, the worse the selfishness gets.

I have lived in Orange County, California-which may be the capital of ostentatious self-centeredness-for the past year. These fucking BMW/Mercedes driving yuppies around here are some of the worst offenders. They think their shit comes in little cellophane wrapped packages. I have seen their reactions when, for example, they were delayed somehow by a disabled person passing in front of them.

The truth is that most of these assholes (I’m talking about those from Irvine and Newport Beach in particular) are mortgaged to the max, driving leased vehicles and are truly unhappy.

I can’t wait to get the fuck outta here.

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tradesilicon - I think you and Davis are partially right in that some people don’t know how to react. I guess that is the frustrating part for me. I don’t treat my son any different than I treat any other child. We celebrate his successes and we are sad when something doesn’t go just right. I discipline him as well. Like any child, I expect him to behave when we are in a restaurant, store, etc. I would much rather someone ask me a question than to stare. This only makes things more uncomfortable. My son has feelings just like any human being.

tater - multidimensional, I love that, thats the perfect description of any child!!!

Bulldawg - thank you, come on down, you’re the next contestant… :wink:

Davis - My son likes to shake people’s hands, so when he approaches and the person looks confused, I always explain that he is trying to shake their hand in greeting. As well, I do explain if someone looks confused or asks.

Jimmy - this lil guy has the most expressive eyes. They speak volumes. Oh yeah, he told me to tell ya… NO WAY MAN!!! the Eskies are gonna kick butt this year!!

Byz - my son is the same, loud noises irritate him. There are only a small number of things that I don’t do around him because the pitches seem to bother him. I vacumn only when he is out of the house because he is terrified of it. I agree, many need to have their heads examined! I am nothing special, just a mom who loves her son and like any parent I advocate for my child, unfortunately I just seem to have to advocate more because of some of the idiots in this world of ours.

Sneevil - how right you are. People are so pretentious these days. But sadly, we have built this intolerant, me me me society. Most of my friends are just your basic every day joes just like myself. We work for a living, and try to enjoy life to the fullest. I have family members that are unaccepting of my son, and they aren’t welcome in my home. Im glad to see that you haven’t been sucked in by where you live.

There are a number of reasons I wrote this rant finally. The run in I had with the kids at the pool a few weeks back really ticked me off.

The other day I had such a great conversation with Feynn about all of this. He works in a similar setting and he deals with this kind of behaviour all the time. It was so refreshing to talk with someone who has such a great perspective on life. Thanks Bud!

Thanks so much everyone!!

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I’m new around here but, what the hell, dive right in, huh?

CanadianSue, I understand what you say about your son getting stared at. I’m frequently on the receiving end of those stares as a disabled person, myself. The ones who get me the most are the ones who glare at me after I park my car in an handicapped parking spot and then get out and apparently easily walk into the store. What they never get to realize is that I’m pretty much out of breath by the time I get to the front door due to my fairly serious heart condition. I’ve even had someone go so far as to leave me a Postit-note saying that “handicapped does not mean fat and lazy.” Were that all that was wrong with me!!! Five years ago, I was told that I had 3 to 5 years to live. I was suddenly faced with the prospect of not living long enough to see my youngest daughter graduate from high school much long enough to enjoy my grandchildren. Thankfully, medical science has provided me with the medications necessary to have the death sentence conditionally postponed but the basic problem remains.

I would happily give up my handicapped parking permit to any of those rude people but they have to take the life-threatening heart condition that goes with it!!

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Wow, CanadianSue. I can’t say I sympathize, but I sort of understand how rude people can be. At work, children or adults with disabilities are treated like shit. Customers will stare, point, and basically over-react. A few days ago, a deaf woman came in and needed help. We wrote to each other on a pad of paper, I played with her kids while she shopped, and she was overall a wonderful person, but other customers actually talked about her while I was standing there helping her. A few days before that, two men came in in motorized wheelchairs and people acted like they had never seen anything like it before! I hate that.

I’ve found that if you are open and honest with the child or the parents if the child is unable to speak or hear, you will end up with an awesome experiance.

I hope I can meet you and your son one day, Sue. :slight_smile:

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CanadianSue, what a gift you have been given in your son. He sounds like a very special kid. My best friend was a house manager for a child with moderate-to-severe cerebral palsy, and Skyler was one of the neatest little boys you could meet. He had a great sense of humor, loved dogs and horseback riding, and communicated just fine in his own way, thank you very much. He might never actually talk, but he could make himself understood if you took a moment to really pay attention.

But when we were out with him, lots of people either didn’t know what to say, or were ignorant, or just assholes. Also, some of the parents we encountered didn’t help foster a different attitude in their kids. The parents would freak, or stare, or whatever, and it would scare their kids. Great, now their kids think wheelchairs and disabilities are scary. Wonderful…

I don’t think people are comfortable around disabilities if they’ve never known people with them. I don’t really know how to fix that. I always thought that if you simply asked “can I help?”, it was better than either ignoring someone or being condescending or patronizing. Is that still the case?

And BTW Sneevil- Wow, what a load of vitriol about SoCal! Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out! I was born and raised in Newport Beach. I am neither rich nor overly mortgaged. I don’t park in handicapped spots because my $200 shoes are pinching my feet. I’m not snotty or stuck-up. I don’t drive a flashy sports car. But I might do any number of similar things just to piss off someone like you. Get a grip on your own shit and don’t start telling me about mine. You have been here (SoCal) just long enough to reinforce the bullshit stereotypes you came in with, and you have no clue about this area. You obviously had an issue or 10 long before you moved to California.

Sorry about the hijack, Sue.

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I wonder if Quisling would approve if he saw your son using a motorized wheelchair at the Wal-Mart? :wink:

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I have two friends about my age who have autistic sons (interestingly enough, they don’t know each other although both live in the same town across the river from here). Their older children have no disabilities, and each has a youngest son who is autistic. One of these children is highly sensitive to noise, and also is able to imitate animal sounds with an incredible degree of acuracy. I have also read accounts of children with autism who have highly sensitive hearing.

Canadian Sue, is your son’s disability at all like autism, do you think? I hope you don’t mind my asking. One difference I notice about the younger boy is that he has difficulty maintaining eye contact for very long.

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Way to go girl!!

Don’t take that bullshit. There are better men out there… but I guess you already know that!! :wink: