No Right

The BBQ Pit
1

Some of you people seem to think you can make judgements
on people who are disabled.

Bullshit!! Unless you are a disabled person, you
cannot, and have no right to judge.

I was a airplane pilot,and and a mechanic, when in
1986 i lost a leg in an aircraft accident at the age
of 26.

It destroyed my life.

In the years since i have done allright, but not my
dream. which i am sure many of y’all are living.

Over the years, i have seen how you, the public
treat all disabled people, and its kinda fukked, although
you dont know what its like, and dont really mean it.

I have no hard feelings, I can deal with my own shit
but dont dare tell me you treat the “retarded” kid
well, or the siamese twins, or even me walkin to the fair.

YOU HAVE NO FUKKING IDEA!

people still treat the disabled as freaks

most of you probably have never had to deal with a disabled
person…maybe grandpa in a wheelchair.

but, who knows…

I was a young kid with the world by the tail…

So think about that shit next time you see a person in
a wheelchair, or a “retarded” person.

2

Ummmmm…

Your poem doesnt rhyme, and you misspelled ‘fucking’, but otherwise, not a bad rant. I would give it a 4.

3

Klaatu,

TO a certain extent I agree with you about the treatment of the disabled in our society. The “retarded kid”, definitely acted in a way that I’d consider inappropriate–disability or not. I see no judgement there.

On the other hand, I don’t understand why certain people who are disabled seem to take it out on their fellow man, even for just being there(please don’t take that the wrong way, I’m disabled too, and that is why I don’t drive…so I understand).

As an example, today I got on the bus and we picked up a gentleman in a wheelchair. He rolled on and the bus driver asked for his pass. This guy ranted, swore, cussed, and yelled at the driver just for asking for his pass!(saying things like “I can’t use my legs, and that’s not bad enough, you have to ask me for my pass…FUCK YOU!”)

The driver pretty much ignored it, and mumbled to himself. When I got off I told him to take it easy on the disabled gentleman, and that he just wasn’t feeling good. The driver was pretty pissed and yelled at me for mentioning that the stop cord was broken on one side, and said that now one of his passengers(the man in the chair), was swearing at him for nothing and why did he deserve that…?

So I see both sides of it. I don’t think we’re wrong to ask that disabled people not make requests for women to change their diapers, and I don’t think it’s right that disabled people get mistreated at times.

I’m lucky, if I didn’t mention a disability or two, you’d never know I had them. They’re all neurological in nature. I’m sure I’d have a different take on things if I lost a limb or the use of my legs, Etc., but the door swings both ways here. I see examples of disabled people attacking non-disabled people just because they’re not disabled.

We’re all guilty of judgement at one time or another.

-Sam

4

GaWd, that wheelchair guy in your story doesn’t sound judgmental. He sounds like a plain asshole. Disabled people can be assholes just as well, and this sounds like one. Why can’t he just show his bus pass, like ANY passenger of the bus?

5

I agree, but that wasn’t my point to the story. My point was that neither was he an asshole, nor judgemental, but that he treats people without disabilities in a severely fucked up way, much in the same way that some people without disabilities treat the disabled.

I believe that comment about judgement took away from the rest of my post, so I’ll try to clarify–

I think Klaatu is trying to say that people without disabilities treat the disabled fucked up, and that he’s tired of it(please correct me if I’m wrong, I don’t mean to read into your words). Understandable.

My point was that not all disabled people treat people without disabilities very nicely, and that it’s a two-way street, not one way or the other.

Either way, it’s not nice. Hate and anger and judgement and assholes suck.

-Sam

6

Keen! As long as we’re doing rants about diabilities, let me just say this to all the wheel-chair bound. If I politely offer to help and you don’t want my help, say “No, thanks” and I’ll go away. Don’t bite my fucking head off.

A few weeks ago I was in a grocery store, and a woman in a wheelchair had a box of cereal in her hand and she was trying to use it to bat a (large) jug of detergent off a top shelf. She wasn’t having much succeess, and, as large as that jug was, after falling 3 feet, wouldn’t have been easy to catch. I asked her if I could help her (I’ve done so for others, and, (I’m fairly short) other, taller folks have helped me get stuff on higher shelves (in bookstores in particular). Note that I did NOT just get it for her. I asked. The stupid bitch started shrieking about how she’s “as good as anyone. She didn’t need my fucking middle class pity(?), Goddamnit!”. She also claimed that I was assaulting her sense of self-worth(?) with my offer of help. Lemme tell y’all: if she’d successfully knocked that jug of detergent off the shelf, it’d have assulted her head.

Fuck her.

You know what? I’m still going to offer to help people if I see a need, and I hope others will do the same for me.

Fenris

7

I have experience with the disabled. My employer goes out of their way to employ the disabled whenever possible. So for years now I have worked with the hearing impaired, the sight impaired, people in wheelchairs and on crutches, and the mentally handicapped. Even after years of often working with people who are disabled I could never fully know what it must be like to overcome a serious disability.

Three years ago I broke my ankle and blew out the major tendons while skating with my kids. In an instant I was rendered almost helpless. Since the age of 15 I had always had a job and car. Within weeks I was in a major funk. I couldn’t go to work, I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t even get up the stairs to take a bath or sleep in my bed. It didn’t take me long to realize how difficult it must be for someone who remains this way indefinately. Although I did get really good with the wheel chair and strong enough to go almost anywhere on the crutches, I often encountered obsticles like stairs and high curbs. It took me over a year to get over the depression this minor accident caused. It took me 3 months to recover physically, longer emotionally.

So while I am back up and walking now, I did get for a very short time a little taste of what it might be like to almost lose your independence. A small glimpse of how it must feel to have something, take it for granted, and then have it abruptly taken away.

I would also say in defense of people who do not have disabilities…It’s my feeling that people often do not know how to intereact with disabled individuals. They are afraid that if they try to interact with you their efforts will seem pitying or strained. I am curious, how should the non-disabled treat the disabled? Please don’t say “like everyone else”, I honestly don’t think you want that do you? I never have trouble personally with the disabled because we are always introduced in a work environment, there is always a common ground to start out. What advice can you give?

Needs2know

8

Every public appearance with my paternal grandparents.

A few weeks ago an established poster <against whom I bear no ill will> started a Pit thread about old people who count out their pennies in the grocery store check out lane. I took offense to that thread, and for good reason: That poster has obviously never watched someone near and dear to her heart struggle with her walker to the front door of a restaurant because an able-bodied person parked in the handicapped spot.

Several months ago I drove my grandfather down to the new Science Museum in St. Paul. At the age of 87 it is probably both the first and last time the man will see the Omni Theater. I suppose, if we had thought of it ahead of time, we could have gotten special seating/consideration, but we didn’t. The plan was as follows: I get into line early with my great-aunt, we get good seats, grampa hangs out on the bench in the back, and as he walks in I direct him to our seats. As my aunt and I were in line quite early we got primo seats, 1/3 of the way up and center of the theater. Grampa enters and I warn the people as I edge out that an old man is on his way up and will need room to get to his seat. The 60ish couple next to us has no problem. The fucking Yuppies with their 2 perfect children made rude comments under their breath as I led gramps to his seat, and it took all I had to keep from punching their sorry faces.

<sigh>

I’m sorry. This is yet another post that is three times as long as it needs to be, but I really needed to get that off of my chest.

9

I went to my Senior Homecoming dance with a girl in a wheelchair. You know what? I didn’t ask her out of pity or desperation, I really liked her. I found her to be a very positive soul, full of fun and happiness. You know why? Because she didn’t let her disability get the better of her. She reflected on the good more so than on the bad (and she’s had a lot of tough breaks, let me assure you).

And I enjoyed myself. Sure, dancing was a little awkward, but it gave us both something to laugh about afterwards.

10

I grew up with brothers and family members who had severe physical disabilities, namely muscular dystrophy. None of them are with us anymore due to the fatal outcome of this disease. My nephew was the same age as me and he passed away at 30. There wasn’t too much pissing and moaning from any of these guys about their lot in life and I had a great deal of respect for their attitudes.

I work in Rehabilitation and as such am involved with the physically and mentally disabled nearly every day of the week.

Because of this I have seen the best and worst in the so called normal population. Just yesterday I took one of my clients in for some tests and this doctor was talking to him very loudly like she thought he was deaf. I feel that it is my responsibility to point out other peoples ignorance in these cases so I had a little talk with the doctor. She took it really well and apologized. It probably bugged me more than my client. I work very hard for my clients and I even have to put up with a lot of shit from their families, the way that they treat their own children is often appalling.

People with disabilities are subjected to more mistreatment, discrimination, and abuse than any other group. They are lied to, ignored, robbed, sexually abused, and discriminated against.

Imagine that you are suddenly disabled or afflicted with a debilitating illness such as schizophrenia or depression. People will treat you differently. Try spending a day in a wheelchair and you will soon find that most things aren’t designed for you. Some people will shun you, others will abuse you, and maybe worst of all some will pretend that you aren’t even there. A few will continue to treat you like you are a human being and give you the respect you deserve as one.

I don’t excuse anyone’s bad behaviour, the lady in the store was exceptionally rude and the boy in the grocery store probably needed closer support in his work if he was asking inappropriate questions.

One man that I work with was rendered a parapalegic in an accident. Up until three years ago he was a hard working member of society. He had hobbies, friends, and the freedom to go wherever he wanted whenever he wanted. He lived in a house of his own. Now he lives in a home for disabled individuals like himself. He has had to learn how to do things without the use of his legs and looks at everything from an altitude of about four feet. He needs a great deal of assistance and his life will never be the same. People told me he was a miserable and often obnoxious old man. No fucking kidding. I would be pissed off 24/7 if this happened to me. Turns out that he is a pretty cool guy and the people who don’t like him are the ones who treat him like he’s a child. He gives respect to those who show him the same. I have never heard him whine about his situation and find him very driven to have as normal a life as possible.

It would be a good thing if more people educated themselves and perhaps studied the ethics of dealing with this particular segment of our society. Empathy towards other people and the situation they are in would be a good thing to work on.

11

**GaWd **

[quote]
. . .assholes suck.**

Damn! You mean I’ve been doing it wrong all of these years?

Now, with that outta the way, there are some folk who deal with individuals well, and some who don’t. I kinda prefer the former, but realize that there are sometimes reasons for the latter. I’ve known a couple of really wonderful people who were physically disabled, and watched others be pissed at the world, and alienate everyone around them. I’ve also found out that some of those who railed at the world had what I thought were damned good reasons for being angry. Some of the nice people also had reason to be pissed, they just dealt with it differently.

Feynn, SPOOFE, sandyr & Needs, my hat is off to you. If ever I wind up in being physically disabled, I would want yiz guys in my corner.

Waste
Flcik Lives!

12

I’m confused - it seems that this whole discussion is in reference to another thread - can someone link to it or tell me the name?

Thanks.

13

Sure, it started in MPSIMS.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=31732

And then moved to The Pit. (Don’t click on the link unless you want to re-read the above link)

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=31754

14

Ooh! Generalizations! Hey, if you’re getting on to us about judging the handicapped, do you think I’m going to let you get away with this one?

Fuck No.

Do you know anything about me? Do you know what I wanted to do in life? Do you know why I never pursued it? I’ll tell you I’m happier now than I thought possible 3 years ago, but that’s because I didn’t let depression get in the way of flirting with females. I’m happy. I like what I’m doing.
no problems here.

Now, your rant I’d rate at about a 1. I’ve seen this shit from some handicapped before. Same stereotypes and generalizations. You’ve got problems. Yay. We all have problems on one level or another. You have problems walking. I’m sorry. I know people who didn’t let that stop them, and didn’t let it make them bitter and angry.

Treat me normally, and I’ll respect you. Pull an attitude problem with me and I will ram it down your sorry throat. I’ll give you a break and assume this is a one time event. Maybe you’re just pissed. It’s possible, this is the pit. Fine. You get off easy, this time.

15

Thanks CNote.

Now that I’ve read the relevant material, let me just say that when I see someone in a wheelchair or with an obvious, serious disability, I do feel weird. I feel bad for the person, because I know that if I couldn’t walk, or read, or be a lawyer, etc., I would miss it - it would be very hard. But then I feel guilty for feeling bad for them, because we’re supposed to just treat everyone equally, regardless, right? I’m also curious - let’s face it, this is something that is out of the norm, and I think it’s natural human reaction to want to look at such a person. Sometimes I wonder how they work around their disability, or admire their moves with the wheelchair, or whatever. Now, I make an effort not to stare, because that’s rude. But you also don’t want to actively ignore the person, because that’s equally rude.

Anyway, my point is you can feel uncomfortable and unsure how to act around someone with a disability, without in any way looking down on that person or being mean or hateful. Therefore, Klatuu, please tell me how to act, because you don’t seem satisfied with the situation, and I have no clue how to do it better.

BTW, I have dealt with a mentally disabled person throughout my life - my uncle had a large brain tumor removed when he was five, leaving him permanently disabled. I also have a disability that is not so visible, and after pondering this post, I have gotten over the weird reactions friends have had when I told them about it. They just didn’t quite know how to react, which is understandable.

16

When I was a Freshman in high school, I was dating a lovely young lady who was madly in love with me, but I was not as interested. I broke up with her and she started dating this wrestler about 3 weeks later. About 2 months after we broke up she was in a very bad car accident, and lost the use of her legs. In a way, I felt responsible for that. I mean she didn’t even like wrestling, she just went to support her man. She still had the same vibrancy that she possessed when she was walking, and we maintained a very healthy friendship. I never really saw her in her wheelchair, I saw her as the same friendly, cute girl, that I had a crush on. I think that most non-disabled people are more nervous, than anything around disabled people. I shared the above to state this: You have to look past these disabilities and non-disablities and stop putting people in their cubby holes. It is the exact same issue as racism, and requires a little tact. To say that most non-disabled people are wary of disabled people would be true, but it’s not intentional. It is just another thing that people as a whole have to get past.

17

When I came here to grad school I had to choose a new doctor and I just picked a name from the book. When I went to him, he seemed a little different–I thought maybe he has some muscle disease that kept him from talking clearly. No biggie. I also was embarrassed when he remembered something he needed to tell me, and came out to the billing area and told me, a little too loudly I thought, to use backup birth control because my medicine would interfere with The Pill.

Anyway, about two years later I see that he has written a book about the challenges he had becoming a doctor when he was deaf. I didn’t even know! It explained a lot, but it didn’t matter. Yet I was glad I didn’t know, actually, because I think it might have made me edgier, more worried about how I would interact with him properly, without too much attention to the deafness but not so little that I made his job harder… it’s that bullshit self-talk that I think gives some of us a perceptible unpleasant edge when dealing with disabled people. Even when we mean well.

18

There is a physician in Minnesota who is bipolar, and who is running for Senate this year. He’s also an activist who works for the rights of the mentally ill. I’m seriously considering voting for him.
I’ve worked with or been related to enough disabled people that I don’t feel sorry for any of these people. They’re people, same as you or me, and although what happened to them sucks, and I know it’s devastating, it IS possible to go on to do whatever you want to do. Victimhood is a role we choose, not one we’re assigned to.

Robin