Stupid Abled-Body Behavior

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ve been wanting to start a discussion like this for a while. Most of the people who do the following don’t mean any harm, they’re just ignorant even though they mean well. And since this is the place for fighting ignorance…

In no particular order, here are the top things that abled-body people do that piss me off:

  1. When I’m a part of a group introduction and hands are being shook, please don’t skip over me and leave me hanging with my hand out there. You’re not going to catch my disease if you touch me. If you’re concerned that my hand is fragile, I wouldn’t be holding it out asking for it to be crushed.

  2. If I’m with another person and you want to address me, ADDRESS ME. Do not talk through the other person. I do not need an interpreter. You have no idea how demeaning this is. Of all the people I meet, 9 out of 10 do this. Even the most caring, bleeding heart people do this. It must be a natural human instinct or something, but please try to fight it. It’s also a natural human instinct for me to want to break these peoples’ legs, but I fight that.

  3. Do not rest your arm on or go anywhere near my controls. They’re extremely sensitive and bad things will happen. And if you accidentally hit my controls and I plow into you, don’t blame me. This is particularly a big problem with old folks who are not familiar with the technology I guess.

  4. Don’t kick the back of my wheels when you’re sitting behind me. I know it must be fun, but I can feel it and it’s annoying. People will often be shocked that I can feel them doing this. :confused:

  5. Do not go to great lengths to dance around eggshells when talking to me. A common example is: “Carnick please walk over there – er, I mean, roll over there.” It sounds so stupid. You can use the ‘walk’ verb with me, I don’t care. I use it myself all the time.

  6. If you want to pat me on the back, pat my BACK not the back of my chair. Try to differentiate between the human and the machine, please.

  7. If you want to insult me, give me the honor of doing it to my face. A lot of assholes will call me names behind my back. And I don’t mean in another room, I mean RIGHT BEHIND MY BACK, like I’m deaf or something.

That’s all I got for now. Can anyone else add some?

And to be fair, if you’re able-bodied and you notice some disabled people doing stupid things, please share. I’d like to learn.

2

You know, ever time I see a thread like this, I always think “People really DO those things?!!” It makes me very glad I’m not disabled, seeing as this is how so many people are treated. People really skip over you when shaking hands with others? It makes me think of those people who think speaking louder will all of a sudden make someone speak English. Because “Ultra Loud English” is the same thing as Spanish, French, German or whatever… :rolleyes:

GAH! Sometimes I really hate people - how ignorant do you have to be to think you’re going to catch something from someone in a wheelchair? I would think you are far, far more likely to catch something your kid brought home from school, or from one of your co-workers.

Start acting like they’re the ones with the disablity - refuse to shake hands because you might catch working limbs. Make fun of people when they walk past, because using your legs is soooo 20th century. Throw things at their heads and pretend to be surprised when they can feel it. “What, you mean people like you can bleed!?” :smiley:

3

I have a question for you. If I’m talking one on one with you in more than just casual conversation, would you rather I stay standing, or get down on your level? My instinct would be to squat and look straight into your face, but I feel this would be rude. What do you think?

I feel this wouldn’t happen very often, as I would find a chair if we were going to be talking for a long time, but I’m just curious how it would make you feel.

4

**Carnick ** –

#1 and #2. Amen to the disability not being contagious concept.

Regarding #2, people who hide behind my interpreter/sign-language-enabled friends piss me off too. I had someone drag a sign-language-enabled coworker in to try to get me into a team project she was doing. Basically, she made my coworker do the pitch and just stood there, expecting me to be enthusiastic about the idea.

lart lart lart

I’m not gonna have my feelings hurt if you try to communicate with me yourself, but I will if you avoid contact with me and pull shit like that. We have this thing called email. Or this thing called paper and pencil. I have a friggin’ **whiteboard ** in my office. Hell, I have coworkers who have been known to communicate with me through charades. :wink:

  1. Don’t give me the “amazing and strong because he or she is disabled” crap. Even if it’s behind my back. Look, I’m deaf, fine, but it’s NORMAL for me – how the fuck else am I supposed to cope, curl up in a corner and snivel about my misfortune? I have a life, and I’ll be getting on with that instead, thank you very much.

Actually, #8 is probably the fastest way to get me mad, thinking about it.

I often do some mentoring work for deaf students since I’m a self-supporting adult with a good job, and I don’t mind doing that – hell, I wish I had someone like that when I was growing up – but able-bodied people who think I’m a saint and/or a martyr because I happened through some fluke of genetic chance to be born deaf… OY.

Honey, I don’t care about the obstacles I have to deal with, I just care that I can do my job/live my life and do it well. The mere fact of my being deaf doesn’t mean that I should automatically get lauds/free rides/etc, ferchrissakes.

  1. Don’t assume that because I’m deaf that my brain doesn’t work and/or I must be unable to gainfully support myself. I’ll be happy to show you my BA degree from Stanford and my employee badge from a major software company to prove you wrong.

(Wow. That feels good to let all this out. I guess it’s been building longer than I thought.)

5

I work with handicapped people. The ones I work with are also mildly, to moderately retarded. I get the same crap you are talking about, and it comes from actual professionals in the field.

Asshole: Can he understand me?

Me: I don’t know, (turning to my client, and speaking extremely distinctly) Can you understand him?

(My clients, who have seen this exchange thousands of time, generally smile, and shake their heads no.)

Me: Nope. Maybe you mumble.

Another case is a client who is blind. People who speak to him raise their voices. I am way too weirded out by that, but when they speak to me, after that, I generally say Huh? really loud. Then I speak to that person very loudly until they catch on. Sometimes it takes longer than they last in the job.

Tris

6

How about:

If you work with people in wheelchairs, and from down the hallway you hear “click-click-whirrrrrrr” get the hell outta the way! Those suckers move.

7

I MUCH prefer people to squat down and look me in the eye. It’s not rude at all, in fact, it’s refreshingly considerate. It keeps me from having to break my neck looking up or staring at a person’s waist.

8

Acting?

9

This is good to know. I’m always afraid that it’ll be seen as patronizing because that’s the kind of thing you do with children.

10

The thought never even crossed my mind. I’ve always thought that physically lowering yourself to look someone in the eye automatically equals respect. Likewise, towering over someone when having an extended conversation would be intimidating at the least.

11

What the hell…? That wheelchair is talking! Spooky!!

12

My mom’s been in a wheelchair for several years now, and when we go out to restaurants or the mall, it always pisses me off when people talk to me instead of her, treat her like she’s just this lump of insensate flesh.

13

Ha. Just goes to show that everyone is different, I guess. Whenever people do that with me, I think :rolleyes: . I wouldn’t say it’s patronizing, it’s more like, “OK, we know I’m sitting, you don’t need to act like you’re sensitive and had the Dealing With Handicapped People training.” Act like you would with anyone else, which means if you don’t usually squat to hold conversations, then you don’t need to do it with me. I can see how it would be nice for people with neck or back pain, but it would get a mental sigh of exasperation from me.

14

I’m so glad that you brought this up.

I was in the grocery store one day and a thirty-something man in a wheel chair was a the display that houses bacon and sandwich meats. Some things would have been out of his reach. I asked him if there was anything I could get for him and that seemed to make him really angry or frustrated. Should I have waited to be asked to assist?

Once he had reacted with frustration, was there anything I could do to smooth things over? (If I had been single, this would have been especially important. He was mighty fine.)

15

Damnit, dissention amongst the cripples. Just when I thought I was making progress. :smack:

16

Hmm, tough one. Personally, I wait for people to ask me if I need any help because I don’t like to impose, unless I really need something urgently. He was probably in a I-don’t-want-to-be-bothered mood. Sometimes people will ask if I need assistance when I’m just sitting thinking quietly to myself. I appreciate it, though. You did the right thing, I’d say. Whenever you get the feeling that you should ask if someone needs help, go with it. You might frustrate a few easily frustrated people, but the ones you actually help will make up for it. And you’ll get good karma for it too.

You’re one of the good able-bodied people. When the revolution comes, you will be spared. :smiley:

17

My Dad has arthrogryposis, and it affects every joint in his body, from his jaw to his toes. He’s on crutches, doesn’t have knees, one arm is permanently straight, and the other does not straighten beyond a 90 degree angle.

The point of that background is so everyone understands we aren’t talking about a subtle disability here. :wink:

I’ve had boyfriends freak out and not shake his hand. I’ve known people who assume he is on disability and “lives off the state.” That’s even after they’ve been to my parents’ house and know my father owns a graphic design firm.

Sometimes, for no clear reason, people speak VERY LOUDLY to him or in very simple words, as if he is either deaf or a 3 year old.

The worst though is when people pretend they don’t notice he is disabled. When my Dad realizes people are doing this, he fucks with them, mainly because it’s funny. I’ve seen a lot of conversations like this:

  • at the mall or some other public place*
    human who’s met my dad once, very briefly, probably at a party or large function: Hi F. How are you?
    Dad: Great. How are you?
    human: Good, good. blah blah blah.
    Dad: I’m terribly sorry, I don’t remember you, where did we meet again?
    Human: You were next to me in the buffet line at Joe’s company christmas party last year.
    Dad: Gosh, how did you remember me? We must have only talked, for what, 5 seconds?
    Human gets very very uncomfortable and starts trying desperately to remember one other detail about my father- anything that would be reference other than, duh, my Dad isn’t exactly a body type you’d forget.
    Que stammering. Feet shuffling.
    Human: uh…you work in…um…a business, right?
    We pretty much excuse ourselves at this point.*

Once someone actually had the balls to say, “Are you serious? How could I not remember you? A body like that isn’t something I run across every day!” We liked that guy.

Another annoying thing is assuming that because they are around my Dad, any humor or jokes involving physical disability are NOT FUNNY and MUST BE CONDEMMED.** This is when my Dad breaks out his Handiman impression.***

But the WORST is **shushing children when they ask questions. **. Seriously, people. Stop telling your kids not to ask, or stage whisper to them to “Stop looking at that man!” They are curious. Sometimes a bit worried or afraid (some kids think maybe my Dad is in pain). Let them bloody ask. Trust me. My Dad will answer kids’ questions anywhere, any time. He doesn’t find it offensive. He finds it refreshing. They are acknowledging the reality that my Dad is, well, different. Also, it helps them understand, not be afraid, and in general, grow up to be people who are comfortable around people with disabilities.

Ok, I will stop ranting now. :smiley:
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*note: my father doesn’t do this with everyone he doesn’t recognize or comes up to him, only the overly-p.c. types that are making a big show of LOOK I TALK TO THE HANDICAPPED GUY JUST LIKE HE WAS A NORMAL PERSON. Everyone look, look!

**True, some humor is offensive. Not all.

***Yes, I mean the In Living Color character. Actually, minus the knees, the blue spandex, and the being black, that’s kinda how my Dad is shaped/moves.

18

And you haven’t outfitted the chair with some form of anti-stupid armament yet, why? I hate people who either fear a disability or refuse to attempt to understand it. My FIL is disabled, my sister is autistic…I’ve seen it all. My favorite was the assumption by my classmates in school who assumed I was retarded because my sister is autistic, not retarded, autistic. There’s a difference there. Ignorance should be a crime.

19

And sadly, due to her prediliction for stripping when we didn’t pay enough attention to her in our high school days, I’ve also seen it all.:wink:

You know, some days I wouldn’t question that assumption about you.

You know what drives me crazy in regards to your sister? These two comments:

“She’s autistic? Like Rainman?”
and
“Hey, I’m a bit artistic too!” :smack:

20

You TOTALLY need that robotic NASA arm !