Will I remember in the morning?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I was just stepping outside my backdoor for a late-night fag when I glimpsed this ‘thing’ in my visual field that caused me to do a double take.

It was a freaking great-big spider spinning a magnificent web right at my head-height and directly in front of me. :eek:

Being not all that enamoured of walking headlong into spidery things, I sat inside the door but watched as she continued to create her masterpiece that was illuminated by the porch light. And what a creation it was. It really is quite a sight to watch an industrious spider hard at work: she’s not yet finished but already she’s got a couple of mothy things, enough to whet her appetite for the night ahead. And being near the light, she’ll cop a shitload of insects all attracted by the glow. Clever little spider-lady! It really is a beautiful web, especially as the night is almost windless.

Alas, it’s not all good news. I’m about to go off to bed soon, and when I get up in the morning and wander outside for a stretch and a fag, I’m bloody sure I’ll have forgotten that there is a fucking huge spider web in front of me. I won’t be able to see it without the lights on and the spider lady will be long gone, but I’ll FEEL the web envelope my face and neck and I’ll start screaming and swatting myself all the same. :eek: :frowning: :eek:

Why the hell do such beautiful creatures and their handiworks have to be so repulsive?

2

You might get lucky and spot all the insect husks stuck to the thing before you get a mouthful…

3

I’ll dream of nothing else all night. :frowning:

4

Stick a Post-it note on your door, saying “Big honking huge-ass fucking disgusting spider web ahead.” That’ll remind you.

5

Take a picture!

That way you can remember it for always, and share the bounty. Hint, hint.

6

tape a note to the door at eye level that says:

[SIZE=7]LOOK OUT!!!
THERE’S A FREAKING HUGE SPIDER AND WEB RIGHT OUTSIDE THIS DOOR![/SIZE]

i did that. once. walked into a spider web the size of cleveland right outside my condo’s sliding patio door, which resulted in the closest case of full cardiac arrest you can have without actually dying from it. if my neighbors had been out on their patios they’d have called the cops because i sounded like i was being murdered and i’m also pretty sure i remember turning inside out while screaming.

turned around, bolted back in the house, slammed the door, stripped out of all my clothes right then and there, jammed them into the washer disregarding the fact that some were white and some were colored, started the water on the setting closest to the surface temperature of the sun, dumped in a pound or two of detergent and then sprinted for the shower, whereupon i tried to scrub off my skin and hair and came damn close to succeeding.

of course during all this i had no way of knowing whether or not a spider came in with me, survived the search and destroy mission on myself and my clothes, or whether it was off the web on spider business. :stuck_out_tongue:

the very next day i opened that door – and my *nose * came within a whisper’s thickness of coming in contact with THE SAME FRIGGING WEB before i remembered it. with spider at home this time, fortunately nowhere near my nose, which was good for it - and me.

instant shift into reverse mode, leaving web undisturbed. i think i michael jackson moon-walked. backwards. i’m not one to reduce small crawlies to paste just because you can, particularly spiders because they are so important to bug control, but that doesn’t mean i ever want that stuff on my skin ever again.

that was when i found paper, pen and scotch tape and tagged the stupid door. at eye level.

no more problems after that. i’d duck coming and going, the spider kept the patio bug population under control and we were both happy that summer.

7

I did in fact remember this morning, and as I opened the backdoor, peered out to survey the ‘danger level’. Her fishing expedition last night was obviously a success because the web was (almost) all gone…as I sat on the step to light a smoke, I felt a couple of sticky gossamer strands against my legs, but NO SPIDER, HA!

It’s night-time here again, so I was careful heading out the back tonight. No web yet, but I SAW HER cuddled up under the eaves just waiting patiently for the right time to head off to work, hi ho, hi ho.

Spiders are grouse things, except when they’re on you.

:smiley:

8

Is it wrong to say you should break the web? Yeah? I thought so.

9

We had a (largish by NZ standards) spider build a web in the corner of our lounge window (on the outside - whew!), not just her feeding web, but a little silken home where she would spend most of the day cuddled up against the glass.
I used it as a teaching exercise to get my kid used to the spider - to see beyond her fear and study the grouse wee beastie. Strictly speaking, it worked as much for me too.

As soon as the spider moved on, I washed, scrubbed and disinfected that window as though the denizens of hell had been living there.

10

You should ask for a rent reduction.

11

Reduction?

I’m guessing that the landlord is upping the rent an extra fifteen bucks because the garden doubles as an arachnid sanctuary!

:smiley:

12

Did it look like this?

13

This is the girlie who lives in my eaves: Inn’t she pretty?

And her web looks like this: A classic spider web I guess!

14

She’s pretty! This is the kind of spider I get in my eaves. I make “pets” of 'em. I don’t actually do anything except check on them periodically to see how they’re doing.