windshield + bug = eww

Lately I’ve had to drive out into the wilds of California (that is, outside the Bay Area) once or twice a week for my job. Around here, I rarely get any bug splats, and when I do they’re just little specks really. But when I’m driving past miles of farmland the splats are definitely noticable. Today I had a really gross one. I heard a pretty loud spthhh, and suddenly there was a disgusting pale green glob with a little red spatter at one end - sort of a nasty Christmas exclamation point. I eyeballed it suspiciously for a few minutes, then I couldn’t look at it anymore and I engaged the wiper fluid. It took several passes, and even then a bit of gunk remained.

What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield?
It’s ass…

Be happy you weren’t on a motorcycle.

Even gnats can hurt at 80 mph.

Two weekends ago, I drove from San Francisco to Riverside and back. The windshield’s cleaned pretty good, but the bumper and mirrors are pretty damn gross. Once I get my window and antenna repaired, this baby’s getting washed.

Once when I was riding with my Dad, we drove through a sudden swarm of bees. Now, that was startling and disgusting. Guts and honey…urrrgh.

Bug splats are nothing, you should see the mess a Cooper leaves on the windshield.

I once rode my motorcycle from Berkeley to Arcata, a distance of roughly 280 miles up California’s Redwood Coast. It’s a winding road, and it took me 4 hours to make the trip though I was moving fast (there was sex to be had, you see), and it was summer, and the bugs were thick. I arrived at the motel where my girlfriend had booked a room for me, and checked in. As I finished, she came rushing in with arms wide open… and backed away, disgusted. I looked down, and saw that my jacket was coated with smashed bugs (mostly small moths), as were the straps of my pack and the knees and shins of my jeans. We quickly repaired to my room, where I shucked the gear and we continued our greetings. I then ruined a couple of motel towels cleaning the bug guts from my clothes.

I was driving home one night several years ago, and a deer ran out in front of the car. I hit the brakes and swerved (don’t worry, no traffic), and just managed to barely clip its back legs, which bounced up across the hood and windshield before knocking the animal off into the ditch. It didn’t seem to have hurt it much, as I couldn’t find any sign of the animal, which appeared to have run off in a panic.

You think bugs look gross on a windshield, you should see deer shit.

windshield + lightning bug = eww + ooh pretty!

Every time I think about getting my car washed it rains again. Plus I have to take it to a place that does hand washes, because mechanical washes seem to have trouble getting my rear hatch clean.

Last time I had my car machanically washed, (John Daly Blvd Chevron) it snapped off my antenna.

Heh. In Arcata, they’re thrilled if you don’t start drumming or burn the place down.

If you want some serious bug carnage on the windshield, I-80 around Davis can give you a spectacular coating of bugs at certain times of the year.


I hesitate to ask how you know it was a grasshopper. There certainly weren’t any identifiable structures, other than the size of the thing. But then, I suppose there aren’t too many bugs the size of a grasshopper.

This stunning window decoration was in fact acquired between Davis and Sacramento, on the I-80 causeway.

Sorry, shoulda made it clearer that’s just my guess. Big bug, color, and especially the red bit. More likely a grasshopper than not, at least in my extensive experience in carefully examining large smears of insectile matter on the windscreen. :wink: