Wishing someone who doesn't celebrate a Happy ___, nice or rude?

In My Humble Opinion
1

It is being nice or rude to wish someone who doesn’t celebrate a Happy ____? I’m not saying you don’t know they don’t celebrate it, or you forgot they don’t celebrate it since the ‘wisher’ specifically states, “I know you don’t celebrate it”.

Examples:
To your Jewish cow-orker: I know you don’t celebrate it, but Merry Christmas.
To your British friend (who lives in GB): I know you don’t celebrate it, but Happy Fourth of July.

I ask because I recently saw an email that someone sent to someone else, “happy belated birthday, even though you don’t celebrate it.”
Maybe something tragic happened one year on their birthday & they don’t like to be reminded of it, or maybe they just don’t think it’s a big deal (everybody gets one, & only one birthday a year; since everyone gets one, is it that big of a deal?)

I thought it was rude but want to hear your thoughts since I have to be together with both the sender & receiver & I’m sure it’ll come up.

2

I’d say more impolite than rude.

3

If someone wished me a Happy Canadian Thanksgiving, I wouldn’t mind.

And, I love it when I get Bastille Day greatings.

4

Well, this could easily get tangled up in the “War on Christmas” theme, wherein not specifically wishing people “Merry Christmas” means you’re a Christian/ity-hating liberal trying to destabilize this great Xian nation. :slight_smile:

Which is a clear case of a majority being either lazy or arrogant enough to assume that everyone wants to be wished a Merry Christmas, regardless of their personal, religious or other preference.

I think most other holidays, public and personal, are sufficiently… general and secular enough that no one’s going to take offense at having been wished a Happy Fourth or Happy Halloween or even a Happy Easter.

Happy birthday… I might get irritated that a store ween or whatever even knows my birthday (not having been directly told for some reason), but I think getting upset because you have a problem with your own birthday reminder is out of place. Joe Clerk at Target doesn’t know you need a trigger warning for a bland, universal sentiment.

5

I agree, if you know already someone doesn’t celebrate something, why talk to them as though you think it’s up to you to tell them to do so, and to make a point of telling them that that’s what you’re doing?

6

It’s weird, kind of like saying “I know you don’t celebrate this holiday, but you really should.”

7

It’s like telling a Met’s fan, congratulations on the Royal’s win. Rubbing salt in the wound.

8

I consider myself Christian, but I don’t celebrate a lot of major Christian holidays, and several other holidays, for reasons that aren’t really relevant to this thread. So I don’t do Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Valentines Day, etc. I’ve not celebrated any of them for at least a decade, some even longer, so everyone in my immediate family is well aware of this.

So, for people that don’t know or forget, I’m not bothered at all. After all, most people celebrate Christmas, and I can just say something like “Have a good one” and most people might even think I mean it as a response in kind even if it’s actually just a generic pleasantry. I never take offense, and I generally don’t even tell people unless it’s actually relevant for some reason. So, for instance, recently people would ask me what I was doing for Halloween, and I’d just say I don’t celebrate it. If they’re curious why, I’ll explain, if not, I’ll leave it alone.

That said, for people that DO know… frankly, it’s really irritating. I totally get people being confused and curious when it was a new thing. Or maybe thinking they’re being clever with “I know you don’t Celebrate Christmas, but have a Happy non-denominational winter celebration” or whatever. But, to me, that’s just like telling a devout Jew that they should eat pork, or Muslim that he should break his Ramadan fast to have lunch or come have drinks for happy hour, or when I’ve seen people tell atheists that they really DO believe in God they’re just angry at him. It’s disrespectful of people’s beliefs. I’m happy to answer honest questions about why I believe what I believe; after all, I wouldn’t have changed my beliefs without what I think is good reason. Worse, is that some family members I have to re-explain why I don’t celebrate it, why I won’t do it and not really mean it, yadda yadda… EVERY YEAR.

That said, I do have some friends who just want to do something nice and maybe just don’t really get it. For instance, I have a friend who just says they want to buy me a gift. If it makes them feel better, I’ll accept it. I know they mean well, and some people just are a bit oblivious to things that are outside the typical worldview.

9

I have a co-worker who is a Jehovah’s Witness. I don’t think she’d ever require someone to walk on eggshells around her (some people don’t know and will naturally say “bless you” in response to a sneeze, for example – no big deal). But I can’t imagine intentionally wishing her a happy birthday, knowing that she doesn’t celebrate. Seems like a jerky move, to me.

10

The way it is described in the OP, I would call it rude. It’s like “No offense, but…” You know it’s not something the person celebrates, and you say as much, and then offer wishes?!

11

I’m an atheist. Someone wants to wish me a Merry Christmas or a Happy Easter, great! Why would I not want a happy day?

12

I would say it depends on the circumstances. My husband’s co-workers take great joy in celebrating the Fourth around their British co-worker, but they’re definitely being obnoxious. I’m sure he gets them back in the same spirit.

I think people who say Merry Christmas out of fear of the non-existent war on Christmas are strange, since that seems a perversion of the spirit of the holiday. I welcome those who wish Merry Christmas out of the joy of the season.

I might wish my sister a Happy Birthday, even if she didn’t want to celebrate it at some point, out of affection.

In short, how was in meant? To make a point? Or affectionately? To be a jerk? As with much in life, it’s all relative.

13

Yeah, when said by someone who knows the listener doesn’t celebrate the event, it’s passive aggressive.

14

Once, in my ignorance, I wished a co-worker a “Happy Rosh Hashanah.” During that weekend, I read a little on the subject and found it wasn’t a “happy” kind of holiday. On Monday, I apologized to him for it, but he was cool and had not taken any offense.

15

I don’t tend towards wishing people a certain type of day. I accept the “have a nice day” just because we’re used to it. I’m tempted to try and bring back the closing greeting of “Good morning” when leaving a store or counter.

I find my eyes rolling when we veer much off that mark. Have a wonderful day? Have a blessed day? Have a great day and an even better evening? Seriously? On a business email? On EVERY business email? Dude. Lose it. Soon and forever.

The only one I can really get behind is this weekly exchange:

Happy damned Friday, BeeGee!
Right back atcha, Frank!

16

Nobody should have to worry about wishing a happy day on someone. Nobody should be offended by someone wishing a happy day for you.

17

I think most of the Jews I know, both in my family and friends, would be mildly amused by a “Happy Rosh Hashanah” and appreciate the acknowledgement, but YMMV.

As for people like Jehovah’s Witnesses, e.g. my neighbors, I would never ever give them holiday wishes or birthday wishes and would apologize if I forgot and did it anyway. But they live in the world and don’t expect people to conform perfectly to their beliefs; they wouldn’t take offense at a mistake. OTOH if I went out of my way to say Merry Christmas while acknowledging they don’t celebrate it, I would expect them to be annoyed, and I would never do so.

18

I have no problem with an inaccurate or ignorant wishing a good (Fill in the Blank) Day to someone.

But as described in the OP, the speaker knows that the listener does not celebrate / recognize the holiday, and that seems rude.

19

I consider it rude, because it would be like going up to someone who is a vegan and saying, “I know you don’t eat meat, but take a look at this wonderful steak I got for lunch.” In other words, you are not normal to me and I’m going to make note of it because I am correct in my thinking and you are simply wrong. But I am trying to mask it in a way that my like minded bigoted friends would agree with.

If someone doesn’t celebrate something, birthdays or whatever, what is the point of mentioning it to them? It isn’t a welcome comment.

20

It’s not the day, it’s the reason for the celebration that’s of issue.