Let’s say that I talk way too much, but also respond incredibly well to intelligent and witty remarks.
How would you tell me to shut up?
Boy, I say boy. Your gums are flappin’ but you ain’t sayin’ nothin’ boy.
I’m sorry, I tuned you out for a moment, what did you say?
I’d look suddenly alarmed, and emit a loud “Shh!” as I looked around.
After you recover from the momentary startle, and inquire “What?”
I would reply “I just wanted to remember what quiet sounded like. Carry on.”
“Help me empathize with the deaf.”
“So this is why your home planet kicked you out?”
“Do they let you out much?”
I usually just ignore them, but my mother would say STFU. She’s, sort of, Irish, plus she’s old, so she gets away with it. I told a kind-of friend with an annoying laugh that she sounded funny, so go do that. (I think she hates me,t hough, nowadays).
As a child, I often got:
“They should have named you Brooke [on account of all the babbling].”
“Do you breathe through your ears?”
“And then what happened?!.. Uh-huh! And what else?!..”
Personally, I’m partial to the short and sweet:
A thoughtful pause, and then, “Good story,” followed by an abrupt change of subject.
And if you’re not just talkative but actively pestering me while I’m trying to do something else: “Hush now, darling; Mommy is trying to write her name.”
“Hang on a minute, let me reply.”
“I will rebut if you just give me a chance.”
Our couple’s counselor suggested we pick a word or phrase that we would use to mean “I would like to talk now while you listen.” When I suggested “shut up” she looked at me like I was crazy. What else could it mean?
“Would you please inhale, so I can get a word in.”
or
“This conversation has lasted longer than my interest in it.”
I always say:
“Well, there is that to consider.”
It’s noncommittal, shows no agreement or disagreement, means nothing, I love it.
This may not be the sort of thing you’re looking for, but I almost busted a gut when I saw it in real life at work some years ago.
Person A is, to put it mildly, a chatterbox with an exaggerated sense of his own knowledge and insight.
Person B is an affable sales type who has no natural enemies.
Person A has Person B buttonholed in the hallway talking a mile a minute about some topic that Person B is nowhere near curious about or interested in, but Person B is nodding at every sentence, muttering a “yeah, yeah?” every so often, and giving the appearance of hanging on every word.
After a few minutes, five let’s say, Person A has to draw a breath and regain composure, and says, “What do you think of that?”
With no change of outward appearance, keeping the rapt and impressed face on, Person B says, “Oh. I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening.”
The problem is that your phrase is considered rude. The point of the code word is that it is supposed to stand for “Can you please give me the opportunity to talk?” Using “shut up” negates any value gained by using a neutral substitution word and puts back to being confrontational.
Most people I know use
“I’d better let you go.”
Said to the person doing all the talking.
You could try interjecting a non-sequitur, preferrably something bizarre. Like the punchline of a joke:
“Silly rabbit, kicks are for trids.”
“And then the rabbit died.”
“20 dollars, same as in town.”
“My cow died, so I don’t need your bull.”
You lost me at the bakery.
In the right contexts I might turn my back, fart, and walk smartly away. But that’s not a move appropriate for every situation.
I do something like that. I pretend I’m just stupid pr hard of hearing and didn’t understand everything, rather than actually having tuned them out.
“Don’t involve me."
or the good ole stand “When? Where…?” routine.
Thank you all for humoring me. Sometimes I really do enjoy a good laugh at someone else’s expense.
I have had an idea, but have been reluctant to execute it as I do try to have decent manners in public…
If I am speaking with someone face to face and finally get a word in, I would like to say in a louder-than-usual voice, “What was that? You’re breaking up. I’ve got a really bad signal in here and can barely understand what you are saying!”
I’ll be sure to take a pic of the person’s face and send you all the link.
Sometimes you can startle them out of their train of thought and into silence, at least long enough to make your getaway. The following can be used to interrupt a conversation without being considered rude:
“Do you smell smoke?”
“Ow! My pancreas!!”
“Did you just see something huge fall past the window?!”
“Tarantulaaaaa!!!”