Hey something just occured to me…
You know that the ADA is looking for volunteers right?
They are considering making Verbal Diarrhea sufferers a protected class. Why don’t you contact them?
Not playing. If you talk way too much, it’s a habit that will prevent you from hearing anything I might say anyhow, no matter how witty. Don’t, on a first meeting, make me responsible for shielding everyone from your rudeness. If you want someone to either listen or talk to you, practice both. Chances are you could do this with your own family, provided you promise not to keep on doing what they’re used to. Otherwise, you’ll just have to be polite to unsuspecting strangers. Good luck.
Mangetout and Lightning got me 
I don’t have anything to offer but an amusing anecdote. And I’ll try to keep it short and sweet.
I was on the phone with my father the other day and we were talking about how to tell short and concise stories. I gave the example of “Yeah, back when I was in the Army, there was this sergeant, uh, what was his name, uh, sergeant Smith, I think, or Jones. Anyway, we were on patrol, and all of a sudden, for no apparent reason… Wait, I’m pretty sure it was Jones. Anyway, all of a sudden, out of the blue, this… Wow, that’s weird. What the hell was his name? Hold on, it’s coming to me…”
Who the hell cares? Is his name really important?
My father agreed that people who do that are complete bores. He met someone just like that a couple of weeks ago. What was his name? Um, I think it was Bob, or George, or maybe… Hold on, it’s coming to me…
It took my father 10 minutes to tell the story. By the time he was telling me what color pants he was wearing that day, I was making little suicide gestures. The thing is, I know I do that too. I’m trying to be more aware of it, but it’s so easy to not be.
I think I’ve cured myself of that bad habit, though. I didn’t do that the other day when I was talking to Adam. Or was his name Lance? No it was Bill. Anyway, I was… No, it was Adam. I think…
My friend does that all the time. If we have a conversation about say, divorce, he’ll be reminded of a movie he saw. Then he’ll start to tell me the plot of the movie, the looong version, and get hung up on the actress’s name. Then, while trying to remeber that, he’ll remember other movies she was in, and he start to tell me those plots also. After 10 minutes of this rambleing, I’ll try to gently ask him what point he was trying to make in the first place. Then he’ll get very offended I interupted him.
I can’t win.
I have a few friends that do the conversational drift too. Unlike my father, they never plan on returning to the original topic. It was frustrating at first, but as they do let me participate in the conversation, I just go with it. It’s easier that way.
I knew a great judge who just had the patience of Job. Once, a defendant kept interrupting him during her sentencing hearing. She kept talking, and talking, and talking. The judge tried to speak several times but then she’d start talking about something else. This went on for quite awhile before she finally ran out of steam.
After a moment of silence, the judge very mildly said, “Is it my turn to talk now?”
Regardless of the speaker’s gender, I begin to sport a massive erection while drooling.
Oddly enough, this tactic hasn’t always worked.
Silently…
with finger to lips, in universal symbol for ‘shhhh’…,
repeat every 15 secs as required.
(People respond well to this, I’m not sure if it’s because we all learned it as children, or see it in movies, or it makes us feel like spies. But silence is more powerful than words, for those with verbal diarrhea.)
If it is mindless blathering, like what you did over the weekend or what’s happening on your favorite soap opera, I’d probably just sit there and wait for the storm to blow over. Because honestly? If you can’t read my body language well enough to know that you’re boring the hell out of me, I’m afraid that nothing I will say in a joking manner will really get the point home to you without me looking and feeling like a jerk. You might feel embarrassed by what comes out of my mouth, but then why should I risk feeling like a jerk when it is within your control (presumably) to restrain yourself?
If you’re talking a lot because you’re anxious or upset, then I will say, “Slow down, okay? My brain is still processing the first thing you said and I really want to hear everything.”
As someone mentioned above, your relationship with me will depend on how witty or polite I am. If you’re family and you’re being a chatty Kathy, I’d probably say something like (with a laugh), “You’re talking a mile a minute, girl. Are you taking speed or something?” But if you’re just another person at work? See above.
For exceptionally loud people, I’ve been known to say: “Why don’t you speak a little louder? I’m sure that people in [the name of a town several miles away] can’t hear you.”
If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.
<Great and Powerful Oz voice>Silence, Whippersnapper!</Great and Powerful Oz voice>
You could just make the “wanking” gesture. Just be sure you do it fast enough, and no eye contact.
I work with a guy… typically reserved and quiet… but if you even ask how his weekend was, you’ll hear EVERY SINGLE DETAIL… from the directions he took, to his meals, to quirky things he did and how quirky and “crazy” his family is, by the tenth minute I’m dreaming of slitting my wrists. He thinks he’s funny/clever/quirky… and I think he’s a clueless BORE.
A couple of times I’ve whipped out my notebook and started taking notes “because what you’re saying is so important I want to remember it.” Then the person will say it’s not that important, and then I’ll say “Oh.”
“And…?” response at the end of my impromptu dissertation presentation always gets me.
One of my friend always listens as if she is really interested looking straight into my eye nodding with “really” and “wow” etc. After a while I would stop abruptly mid sentence. It’s that certain smile of hers… I realize she’s listening to me as if I’m a child. She gets me every time.