Wives and Mothers please help me...the fiance is sick and I don't know how to help.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

She’s one of those fiery independent women that can and will do everything on her own, regardless of her condition.

She’s very very sick…trying to get a doctors appointment and home in bed. She’s a Manager at a Best Buy retail store and she’s trying to get off of work but no one is available to cover her shift today(holiday business). I can see that she is not physically capable of running a busy as hell retail store and dealing with the public for the next eight hours, but she’s one of those people that will go and make her illness worse just to avoid putting anyone out.

I don’t know how to approach her in the right way, she can’t do this, I can see it, she refuses to accept that, and I want to be the supportive, but firm one in this situation.

I guess my question is twofold:

  1. How can I approach her and convince her to stay home, but not come off as trying to control her? She really is extremely sick, I suspect that its the flu, but I also suspect that she has a touch of reccuring pneumonia. If a doctor was to make the call, he’d demand she stay home, of that I have no question!

  2. If I successfully convince her to stay home, how can I take care of her. I didn’t get sick much growing up and I don’t know how to be a nurse. Her parents are out of town for a few days so I have to be the caretaker(willingly) and I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable.

A. Whats the best way to care for a flu/pneumonia person?
B. Does she need lots of fluids?
C. Should I let her sleep a lot?
D. How often do I check her temp?
E. Is there anything I should watch for that indicates she needs to go to the hospital?
F. What should I make for her to eat?
G. Should I stay close and touch or give her plenty of space?

I appreciate any advice, also, I’d appreciate any info you guys have on medicines or home remedies that may help ease her discomfort. She’s got a lot of body aches and pains and she’s almost to the point of tears every few minutes.

Just tell me how your husband treats you when your sick that feels best, thats all I really want to do for her.

Thanks,

-SS :frowning:

2

Boy, I’m sure sorry she’s feeling poorly. You’re a real sweetie to take such good care of her.

First, remind her that if she doesn’t take care of herself NOW, she might be putting her employer out for a much longer amount of time in the long run–like hospital stays or getting worse because she’s put her health at risk.
Tell her that a sick person can make other people sick–and isn’t the most attractive thing for customers to see. She owes it to her work to take the swiftest method possible of getting better.
Also–remind her how expensive hospital stays are. If she pushes herself–she’ll likely risk a nice Christmas eating hospital food.

As for taking care of her…if you’re this worried about it, call her doctor and ask politely but firmly to speak with a nurse. Explain exactly what you’ve told us and ask for help until she can see her physician.
Do the things for her that make sense to you–trust yourself. Keep her quiet, in bed, lots of fluids, keep her warm, keep track of her temp.

That’s the best I can do for you. Good luck. Hope this helped a little.

3

If I were you, I’d call her manager and explain to him that she really, really can’t come in. After you place this call, you tell her that you’ve already told them she’s staying home sick. Believe me, she’ll appreciate this. Who wants to tell an already stressed out boss that you won’t be in? Especially when you’re already feeling crappy when you’re sick?

Also, it underlines how sick she really is, if she can’t even call in sick herself.

Taking care of her:

Lots and lots of hot tea. Soup, too. Set her up on the couch or in bed with a good book or a bunch of good videos. Wait on her hand and foot.

Take her temperature every couple hours. I’m not sure on this, but I’d say anything about 101-102 degrees means a trip to the hospital. Certainly by 103 degrees.

As far as staying close or plenty of space, that really depends on the person. I’m the type who wants my lovey-dove by me if I’m sick. A lot of people are the opposite, and want to be left alone. I’d just try to judge her mood - hang out by her, but offer to leave her alone “to sleep” or whatever. See what she says, and abide by that.

You might want to get some over the counter cold/flu medicine for the body aches and pains. If nothing else, a lot of ibuprofin. Oh yeah, if you can find herbal teas like “Throat Coat” or some other cold/flu stuff, that’s REALLY good.

Another good one - a small shot of warm brandy with honey and lemon, if she likes that sort of thing.

4

I am an RN and you wouldn’t believe how many people come in the hospital nearly dead cause they just didn’t want to take off work during this busy time.

Tell her you love her and are worried about her and you just can’t sit around watching her be sick and not do everything you can possible do to help her. You don’t want to hurt her feelings or take over but dammit you love her and that is what people in love do.

Ok if she has a fever she needs to stay home. Period. End of discussion. Tell her that everyone admires her strong will and strong work ethic but if she has a fever she is probably contagious and she would be doing a grave disservice to every one if she went in and spread it around. No one else needs to get what she has. And she has to take care of herself first before she can do any good for any one else.

OK now that she is at home, assess her condition so you can know what to tell the Dr or his office staff. How long has she been sick? What has she taken? What are her symptoms?Take her temperature, listen to her breathing – you don’t need to know the correct terminology–just tell what you see.
Here is a short checklist.

Is she alert? easy to wake up? incoherent?able to get up?

How is her breathing? Is she congested? wheezing or having difficulty breathing? If so stop right there and call the Dr and tell them that and they will probably get her right in or tell you to take her to the hospital. Do it!!!Call a squad if you have to. People really do die from flu and pneumonia.

If she is breathing OK and alert and coherent then proceed.

What are her complaints? headache? aches all over, just feels lousy?

Give her some ibuprofen for the aches and fever.

Is she vomiting?Diarrhea,Is she urinating?

If she is running a fever, not taking in much fluids and not urinating much she is probably dehydrated.A vise-like headache with pain behind the eyes is a classic symptom of dehydration, sort of like when you have a hangover. Give her what ever she wants to drink, water is best but 7-up, ginger ale, soda, juice, popsicles would all be fine. Don’t worry about real food right now, soup crackers or something very light would be ok.

Let her rest if she is taking fluids ok, check her temp every 2-3 hours or if she has shaking chills.

Keep her comfortable, neither too hot or too cold.

Have tissues, an "oops’ bucket just in case, water and possibly cough drops or lozenges for the dry hacky cough.

Just love her.

You sound like a doll, so sweet it nearly breaks my heart… I know how hard it is to see stubborn loved ones who won’t seek medical attention.

I’m sure she just could get used to having you take care of her for the rest of her life.

Keep us posted on her condition.

Cindi (RN)

5

The above post is why nurses are awesome. Bestowing wonderful advice even when they’re not on duty.

6

Thanks for all the advice, I really need it! I managed to convince her to tell her job she can’t make it. She started to get some lip from her boss, but I took the phone and set him straight. I told him he can tough it out and lose her for a day or so, or he can have her work sick and potentially lose her for weeks. Given that she cancelled a resignation after they counter-offered succesfully last week, and the fact that she has an excellent attendance record, not to mention a Sr. Manager, he agreed that maybe some rest would be for the best, what an asshole :rolleyes: :mad:

Anyway, we’ve gotten the doctor and he’s going to prescribe some antibiotics for now. She’s got a slight fever, its up and down but staying at or below 100. The aches and pains are still pretty bad, but I have her in a lavender/sea salts bath now and I hope that will help. I’m going to head to the store and get some TheraFlu, 7-up, chicken soup/broth, and ibuprofen in a few minutes.

Should I get a certain kind of Ibuprofen? Are any particular brands easier on the stomach than others?

-SS

7

Make sure that nothing around the house that needs to be done is within her line of sight. Do the dishes, vacuum, and straighten up before she decides she’s got to get out of bed and do it herself. Also (and I apologize in advance if you’re accustomed to doing half the housework and are completely competent in it), when you’re doing something like that do NOT go in to ask her how to do it or where to find the vacuum cleaner or any of a dozen of little things only she knows. Just take care of anything that comes up.

Other than that, I like the advice you’ve gotten so far.

8

I say let her go to work. I think people generally know their own capabilites. If she feels she can go, then she should, especially if sahe is in a managerial position. she really does have an obligation to be there this time of year.This isn’t high school anymore, sometimes you gotta bite the bullet.

9

You’re right, she knows her own capabilities and she stated last night, and this morning…I cant do this, I’m not capable of working, but I cant let them down. She bit the bullet on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and forced herself to go and work ten hour shifts…now she can barely move and I guarantee you its cause that bullet bit her right back in the ass.

-SS

10

SkySlash, you are one studly guy. Pamper your darling as best as you know how. A few items;

[li]Cold soda pop for when she is feverish[/li]
[li]Some sherbit or sorbet to soothe her raw throat[/li]
[li]Hot tea for the chills[/li]
[li]My special Chicken and Rice soup from my recipe thread. It is the second recipe on page one of the thread and is a sure fire home remedy.[/li]
All of the other advice here is perfect and you are one heckuva cool dude to be so concerned for your sweetie.

11

I’m just going to reiterate what InternetLegend said about doing things as they are needed. Even when I’m sick, if I notice a sinkful of dishes, there is a part of me that is really bothered, and I’ll eventually get up and do them. Part of helping her is putting her mind at ease–that there is absolutely nothing for her to worry about so she can rest.

12

I agree if you have the sniffles. But real flu is serious, both for the sick person and his or her co-workers. The sick person – or a co-worker, or a customer – could end up in the hospital because somebody “bit the bullet” and came in to work when they belonged home in bed.

Actually, with the antibiotics, I wonder if SkySlash’s honey actually has pneumonia or bronchitis, rather than flu. Either way, going to work is apt to put her in the emergency room.

It’s only work. Even in a store at Christmastime, it’s only work.

13

Sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job.
I’m glad she called her supervisor and not you, though. I’m sure that would be fine with a lot of people, but it would annoy me to no end if my husband decided he was going to call my boss and tell him I wasn’t coming in. You know her best, though, and her particular streak of independence.

InternetLegend,

that is EXCELLENT advice, especially the last two sentences! All men whose SO’s are the primary housekeeper…remember this wise person’s words!!! If there was one thing I could have when I’m sick, this would be it.

14

hmm, yea I guess I wouldn’t want anybody puking or sneezing or coughing their flu germs on me. Guess I’m just one of those fiery independent types. Or it’s the Single Mom mode still in me, need the money, need to take care of the kids and the house, cause no one else is gonna. It is nice to have someone look after you and take care of you when you are ill, as I have just recently discovered myself. Hope she feels better soon.

15

Cool dude!

Well, basically what everyone else has said, but I suggest chicken broth, home made and lots of it. Damn stuff is a miracle worker. Just chicken, water, salt, pepper, a little onion, a little celery seed, simmer for a few hours, adding water as needed then give her the clear broth. Later, you can add bits of the chicken.

If she has pneumonia, then a Dr. is necessary, so whisk her to the local ER if her doc is too busy. Last time I had pneumonia, I worked for a while with it and got to spend a week in bed afterwards, feeling like crap, with my doctor bitching at me. Pneumonia, if it gets bad enough, not only can quickly kill, but can damage the lungs. The major cure for it aside from some kickass antibiotics, is bed rest, plenty of it, lots of fluids, the occasional hot toddy, a gallon or two of chicken broth, and minimum activity.

16

Wow. Great advice, everybody. (Except you, psy! :p) I especially like the part about the housekeeping!

Here is my personal shopping list for when I have the flu:
Ginger ale
Popsicles
Cup-a-soup
Saltines
Kleenex (the really top-notch stuff)
I also like what I call “sicky soup.”
Put a few cups of chicken broth on to boil.
Add 1 sliced carrot.
Add a half-cup of egg pastina (little tiny pasta)
Simmer until the pasta is cooked.

Also, how about renting a silly movie or two for her?

Mostly, it sounds like you are doing the most important thing–doting on her. Nothing like a little sympathy to make you feel better!

17

forget the soda, it has bubbles in it that can make you nauseous.

“She’s one of those fiery independent women that can and will do everything on her own,
regardless of her condition.”

You should ask her what she wants & if she says to let her be alone, then let her be. Cause I’m just like that & I don’t need the added stress of people trying to do things for me on top of whatever I have to deal with.

18

I didn’t get a chance to thank everyone for the advice the other day. THANK YOU!!!

{{{Everyone}}}

She had a nasty virus and I almost caught it but I got a refill on her antibiotics and started taking them when I started feeling weird. I got sick for an evening but I think I stopped it before it got to the point she was at. We’ve both recovered, were feeling tired, but using the advice here and taking care of each other is fun, even when you feel like dog poo… Oh yeah, and that pesky supervisor of hers sent flowers and an apology note for being an ass. Wished her Happy Holidays and a speedy recovery.

Merry Christmas everyone, and thanks again for the caring advice!

-SS :smiley:

19

Being as I, myself, have been out sick for almost two weeks, I missed this thread. Glad she’s feeling better, but have to say something.

Fiance?!

How the hell did I miss that?! Congrats, anyway.

20

Aglarond -

We all been asking, but SkySlash ain’t tellin! :wink: